To feel awful about shouting at an older lady

[TheCrossKeys]

I got the bus today with the baby, 6yo, and 4yo. Baby started having a little whinge when we first got on so I gave her a banana out of the shopping bag and she was silent for the rest of the trip, stuffing her face. 4yo and 6yo were chatting quietly but not constantly, I was across the aisle from them and could barely hear them. I am not shy about telling my DC to quiet down when they're being too loud, I will remove them if they don't and they know this as a fact.

When it got close to the stop we needed, 6yo asked me if this was our stop - it's not a route we usually travel so she wasn't familiar with it - I said yes. The older lady (maybe late 60s?) in the seat behind me piped up in a really nasty voice "good, maybe it'll be quiet now". I asked her what she meant and she pointed at the baby and DD and said "I mean the amount of noise from that and that!". I said she was being very rude about young children who had been sitting quietly and minding their own business, other passengers agreed that they were sitting quietly. She then told me "they're a disgrace and so are you". So I lost my temper and told her she was a nasty fucking witch and was sheborn this bitter or did it develop over time. I then lost whatever dignity I had left and (to my absolute shame) told her to go fuck herself.

I am not a horrible person, I try to be kind and I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I've been having a tough time lately and the DC have been so good during it all, they are not little angels all of the time but they really were being quiet and I simply lost my rag.

We have to use that same route again tomorrow and I'm dreading it in case she's on the bus again.

And the general acceptance that old people are fair game for generalisations

Totally take your point, Bert. But if you'll allow me to err similarly for the sake of a bit of balance, I have to say my own experience has been exactly the opposite. The stock response I've had from the older generation when I've apologised if my kids have been a bit of a pain is "Don't worry - we're grandparents!". I've never quite understood why that made my two yelling their heads off any easier to bear, but they generally seem to be a lot more tolerant than I am (for which I've been profoundly grateful on occasion!)

Just substitute ‘black’ or ‘jewish’ for the ‘old’ comments and the thread would been pulled pretty sharpish

“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause offence at all.”

No? Why were you so offensive then?

so because she is old it means she has a pass to refer to human beings aka children as "it's and that's"
I would of told her to shut the f up as well

“so because she is old it means she has a pass to refer to human beings aka children as "it's and that's”

Nope. And absolutely nobody has suggested that she has. Read the thread. Because otherwise you make yourself look just a teeny bit silly.g

Joanna Lumley's quite old. So is The Queen and Judi Dench. Or are we talking about a wee granny in a woollen coat and blue rinsed hair.
Like in a cartoon.

"Or are we talking about a wee granny in a woollen coat and blue rinsed hair.
Like in a cartoon"

There's a little old lady who is always out and about in a local shopping centre. She is under 5 foot and wears different Tweed capes. She looks like Madame Mim from Sword in the Stone.

Think back to when rape victims were encouraged to keep quiet out of 'dignity'. Its the same bullshit, on a lesser scale. Hopefully now this woman will think twice about being a gobshite, especially to a lone woman with small children.

Oh, honestly. Woman on bus makes unpleasant and snide comment to OP. OP spectacularly proves Bus Woman's point by telling her to fuck herself. How on Earth is this scenario anything even vaguely akin to rape?!

I'll
Go against the grain - but I think you where well within your rights to answer back. I've a disabled son and the amount of abuse, stares and bitchy snickers he receives is above the pale! When I answer back or call them on there bad behaviour the look of injustice or anger is unbelievable. It's almost as if they are outraged - it's ok for them to be rude... but confront them or mention any thing I find different about them.... if you can't take it... don't dish it out!

^Fraggle: go against the grain? I have RTFT, and it seems to me that most posters think the OP's frightful behaviour was ok...

“'ll
Go against the grain - but I think you where well within your rights to answer back.”

I don’t think you are going against the grain at all. You’re with the overwhelmimg majority. Actually, I think practically everyone has said that it was fine for her to have said something . Just not to have shouted “Go fuck yourself!”

Yup. It was the shouting "go fuck yourself" that was problematic for me. Anything calm and ... withering would have been fine.

I think it's pretty much unanimous on this thread that the old lady was out of order in the way she spoke about the OP's DCs. The question is whether the OP was justified in using the language she did. I personally think it's never justifiable to tell anyone to 'go f••k yourself, but under provocation we can all say things we regret, so I think we should stay off the high horse.

Anyway, what's been said can't be unsaid.

Yep, 'go fuck yourself' and' bitter fucking witch' or whatever is not acceptable language. I was sworn at in the supermarket and all I was of conscious was that the women had a small child in a pushchair who was looking at me. I told the woman that she needed to stop for her child's sake.