Someone At Door 😣

[spagbol11]

It’s 19.13, I’ve just put 2yo dd to bed, done all my housework, been at work all day, so about to have a lovely hot bath and someone is knocking at my door, door is locked, not expecting anyone, my dp is working nights. AIBU not to answer or even check who it is...I’m scared

To Flatpackjackie
Was there any need for that? There's no need to insult someone!

Sorry, asked for that to be deleted.

Sorry to hear how hard it's been for you, OP, anxiety and depression are the pits.

We had a cold caller, who called just after 7 one night trying to sell us cleaning equipment. My husband politely said no and got verbal abuse back, so no, best be wary of unexpected callers after 5 or 6.

Perhaps you should invest in a video intercom system that way you can see who is at the door and speak to them before deciding whether to answer it. Answering the door shouldn’t make you this anxious there are solutions.

I'd read the first page. What the duck are you judgemental bitches on? "Scared to open the door at 1913, get a grip "??
Poor OP I feel your pain, we know nothing about you. I hate opening the door when it's dark. I was sexually assaulted at age 16, so think before you open gob !! She may have had similar experiences.

No, I wouldn't open the door after dark.

You're in all day and no-one knocks then as soon as the twilight and the dark descend some git starts creeping around knocking on doors?

I've definitely noticed that in October as soon as the clocks are put back an hour then the cold-calling vampires come out in force around about 7PM.

AND....if you do answer it's always some weasel-faced bruiser of a guy who offers a well-practised "I'm sorry to disturb you......" No you're bloody not or you wouldn't be furtively sloping around under cover of darkness, you insincere scammer!

I wish we had a medieval drawbridge and a moat by our front door instead of a bit of a tarmac driveway......

Most people aren’t in all day though, that’s why people knock on your door at night. No point in the day when most people are at work!

I'm often home alone with my children in the evenings, and I'm not scared, but our front door isn't visible from the street and I am just a touch safety conscious. You could get a chain, or do what I do - just put your foot against the door as you open it so someone can't push it open as soon as you unlock it. I do that; and then almost always instantly remember that most people are friendly and kind and I had nothing to worry about.

I am very anxious. Diagnosis of complex PTSD so to be honest, regardless of what time of day someone knocks my door I am instantly terrfied (unless expecting it).

So I really feel for you OP. I know that horrible feeling in the stomach and just the dread.

I haven't read the whole thread but I hope things are improving for you with your anxiety

Yes I have complex PTSD following childhood SA. I get very nervous about knocks at the door, though I am able to overcome that fear generally. But it's very hard to cope with day to day.

I never open the door if I'm not expecting someone, not because I'm scared but because I don't like unannounced visits (I check out of the window that it is not a parcel delivery, or the police.)

MadMags yes anxiety disorder is VERY real to those of us who have been diagnosed with it. Some of the comments on this thread are mean, the OP is clearly anxious and people are making nasty comments to her. How lovely.

I have ASD and terrible anxiety. I don't answer the phone to numbers I don't recognise and I don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone.

Rabbity, I didn’t say it wasn’t real. I absolutely believe it’s real. I also believe that it’s very easy to self-diagnose and seems to be a bit of a buzz word, which dilutes the seriousness, and is harmful to real sufferers.

Like people who like a clean house referring to themselves as “a bit OCD” or someone in a bad mood being depressed.

Being anti-social, nervous, introverted etc isn’t anxiety.

I also didn’t address my comment to the OP specifically.

Mags, the OP has said she suffers from depression and anxiety. I get what you're saying about anxiety and it's possible that some people do exaggerate or self-diagnose but there are many with a diagnosed disorder who are being made to feel like "snowflakes" and "wimps" for something that is actually terrifying when it's happening

It is my experience that Amazon Deliveries to my house are always after 6.00 pm, I suppose they have more chance of getting someone in. If you are that scared get your phone out with a speed dial number to the police or partner and as you are a little nervous get a chain fixed to the door. I very much doubt it is something /someone to be scared of. The only time I don't open the door to someone is if I see two of them together with The Watch Tower magazine in their hands. Although even then, I have opened the door just for the novelty of having the conversation with such people. I live on my own most of the time, and am never too scared to open a door to someone, but then I can catch a glimpse of the person knocking through a window so have an idea if they are friendly or just a nuisance. Also, usually at this time ex offenders or ex military unemployed come around selling kitchen stuff, they are friendly and although I never need anything that they sell I always buy something to help them get a leg up. But, as I said, get a door chain fitted, it may reassure you.

But again, I didn’t say anything to the OP about it!

It’s clear she is suffering, which is a shame. It’s equally clear that she is under the care of a doctor who has presumably diagnosed her.

I don’t for one second believe that everybody on MN who claims to “have anxiety” has been diagnosed with it. That’s what I’m saying. So post after post of “I have anxiety so I don’t answer the door” actually make a mockery of this serious condition. And are grossly unhelpful, IMO.

Olivander84 sorry but we need a blog dedicated to your wonderful cat!

But if you are scared of answering the door how is it making a mockery of it?

Because, is it diagnosed anxiety disorder or you're just nervous about opening the door?

Because you might just not want to answer the door and decide yourself that you must have anxiety!

It’s on here all the time. Nearly every thread which is about something inconveniencing the OP seems to be started by someone with anxiety, or the contributors who agree all have anxiety.

And I just think, is it really that much of an epidemic??

So it seems that astounded goat,maras2,gamer chick,TheMaddHugger,Sarahjconnor,AnoiaUnstickMyDrawers, all know something of a backstory involving a weirdo over needy CF Woman neighbour, (What does CF mean?). It would have changed most of the comments on this thread if the rest of us had known too. Also, OP appears to have mental health issues involving depression and anxiety, this also would have been reflected in replies if we had known. To make you feel safe OP I would suggest getting a system in place where you can see and talk to any would be callers without opening the door, this would give you peace of mind and make you feel in control.
I know what it is like to fear someone and can understand your reaction now. I have hidden in my house before now when I know that person is outside. So, if you can see who is calling, then you can decide if you want to open the door or not. It is not good for you to be afraid in yon home, it is good for you to feel safe and secure and be in control of your life. I don't know anything about the neighbour issue but seek advice from CAB if she is causing you a problem, they can help. Be PROACTIVE, not REACTIVE.

CF is cheeky fucker.

And the back story is that OP used to take her shopping and now doesn’t...