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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone At Door 😣

413 replies

spagbol11 · 15/02/2018 19:15

It’s 19.13, I’ve just put 2yo dd to bed, done all my housework, been at work all day, so about to have a lovely hot bath and someone is knocking at my door, door is locked, not expecting anyone, my dp is working nights. AIBU not to answer or even check who it is...I’m scared

OP posts:
silky1985 · 16/02/2018 19:58

you all seem to think she is a wimp for not opening the door, I don't know where she lives but there has been a major rise in home invasions. they could be knocking on her door to see if she is in so they can rob the place or they could be trying to do a distraction burglary one keeps her talking one sneaks in the back. it is weird that someone is knocking on the door at that time in the evening I would not answer the door myself but I would stalk the windows to see who it was

falang · 16/02/2018 19:59

Havana7 my window cleaner and wheelie bin cleaners are paid by bank transfer. No milkmen round here. Hence no reason for anyone to be knocking at my door unless by invitation.

bigmummydragon · 16/02/2018 20:09

Looks like in mumsnet la la land no crime occurs until after midnight and burglars are easily identified by their stripy tops and swag bags. Nice if that’s where you live but perhaps you should pick up a newspaper or watch the news and see how the other half lives.

Nicknacky · 16/02/2018 20:15

roberta you would hide if someone comes to the door?!

I think people need to gain some perspective here. The vast vast majority of door chapping is entirely innocent. I think mumsnet skews our thinking.

novalia89 · 16/02/2018 20:18

virtualreality

I once got locked out of my flat at 9pm on a sunday night because the door closer shut the door behind me too quickly. I had no coat, no shoes on and no phone.

I had to knock on about 4 doors before someone would answer, even though people were in.

Elderlymum111 · 16/02/2018 20:21

I don't think it hurts to be cautious. I never answer the door to people I don't know, if I am alone. I guess it depends where one lives, some areas are safer than others

FranticallyPeaceful · 16/02/2018 20:21

Ignore imo. I used to get major anxiety when people knocked at the door unexpectedly and I was alone, so I completely understand. Became better as my kids got older but I still don’t like it much - just avoid and enjoy your bath

KarenCBC · 16/02/2018 20:31

Totally came to this thread thinking it would be about Justin’s House... AIBU to be disappointed Grin

FingersCrossedHard · 16/02/2018 20:51

they could be knocking on her door to see if she is in so they can rob the place

If that was the case I'd think the worst thing to do would be not answering and making them thing your house was empty!

I can't imagine just not answering the door really. If it was late and I was home alone I might just call out 'who is it' without opening...but I couldn't just ignore.

Roussette · 16/02/2018 20:51

So an invitation has to be issued to knock on a door now?? Shock

This is getting a bit ridiculous!

I know it depends on what sort of area you live in but really! can you buy 'please knock on my door at 8pm' cards in Clintons?!

I know lots and lots of people from all over the country and I have never come across this sort of paranoia... ever!

Of course if I were asleep and DH was away I would be unnerved by my doorbell being rung at 3am or even 11pm but up until 9pm at night it wouldn't worry me one jot. However, I would look through spyhole if it was dark.

voddiekeepsmesane · 16/02/2018 20:56

Wow I am glad I read the whole thread before answering. To those who have called people out about the way they reacted to someone with anxiety and depression need to get a grip. Given the OP posted on AIBU not chat or mental health boards and the small amount of information given people gave an honest answer. It isn't normal to be scared at just after 7 in the evening to a knock on the door. It wasn't until the NEXT day that we were given the full picture and then posters were very much more understanding in the manner that MN always is in regards to mental health IMO

Laiste · 16/02/2018 21:06

It isn't normal to be scared at just after 7 in the evening to a knock on the door

Which (even if i didn't recognise the poster) would cause me to pause and think: this person is likely needing a gentle touch.

Delaney4094 · 16/02/2018 21:11

No you were not bu. It's up to you if you open your door. It's your place, your door. Plus you'd had an exhausting day and just were about to get in the bath. There's also all kinds of creepy people around so if you don't feel comfortable doing something don't.

voddiekeepsmesane · 16/02/2018 21:13

Not necessarily Laiste I have been on MN for many years and have seen a fair share of posters who post for the attention. We are not mind readers and usually just reply to what is written. A lot of peoples (rightly or wrongly) empathy gets pushed to the limit these days so therefore usually they do not read between the lines and take everything at face value.

Sweetpea55 · 16/02/2018 21:46

By the time you had typed a that out they will have gone.

Carouselfish · 16/02/2018 22:04

I live in the middle of nowhere. I'd freak the fuck out if someone unexpectedly knocked at night. A hedgehog coughed once outside my kitchen window after midnight and nearly gave me a heart attack. Blush

LanguidLobster · 16/02/2018 22:43

Do hedgehogs cough?

RosieRuby · 16/02/2018 22:45

Where I live you have to be cautious, people do knock to check whether someone's in before breaking in so I wouldn't ignore it but I wouldnt open the door either if I didn't know who it was. i would probably just shout out that I can't come to the door at the moment and leave it at that.

bencrone03 · 16/02/2018 22:55

Why even put this on here

YourWinter · 16/02/2018 23:25

I've had myHerme$ delivery drivers knock here after 9pm on Sunday nights, sometimes the parcel is for my neighbours. Usually the driver is a flustered young foreign guy who's more upset about it than I am.

Delaney4094 · 16/02/2018 23:53

I could ask you the same thing bencrone03.

avamiah · 17/02/2018 00:37

There are 2 options here.
1)open the door or

2)don’t open the door .

riceuten · 17/02/2018 01:03

Usually cold callers- occasionally parcels or couriers. Rarely canvassers for political parties. I can see from the couch who it is. No, I am not scared

Ollivander84 · 17/02/2018 01:38

I have a buzzer/intercom system which is great as they can stay outside and I can talk to them antisocial
Things I've had to knock/had people knock for that might reassure OP!

I hit my neighbours car. Badly Blush enough it was past leaving a "sorry" note
Neighbours had dropped some keys
A cat had been hit by a car and they were worrying it was mine and wanted to check he was safe at home
My cat was in their house staring at them
Their cat was stuck up a tree
Small child asking if the cat could come out to play Confused
Police needing access
Ambulance needing access
Asking if my cat wanted some roast chicken
Offering some meals as online delivery had messed up
Offering cake
I thought I was being burgled but it was an earthquake Blush
Invite to BBQ/party
Ice cream van had been and offering ice cream
My cat was asleep on the kids trampoline and refusing to move Blush

Yes, it is a slightly odd, friendly and random road to live on! And the majority of it involves my bloody cat

Twoo · 17/02/2018 02:42

When I posted I was not aware op had a mental health disorder. Although my reply wasn’t rude, I was just naturally curious how the op got through the day.

I hope the op feels more settled.