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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mocked by manager for way I walk

209 replies

cannotbelievethistoday · 15/02/2018 17:07

My manager (think small store part of bigger company with lots of stores) was describing me as forthright in my speech. I was taking this onboard when he then proceeded to imitate how I am forthright and overphysical when I walk and over-acted me walking to the back office and flinging open the door in an over dramatic manner.

I have cerebral palsy. This is how I walk.

I burst out crying and ran out.

Mumsnet I need your wisdom. I think this is wrong and upsetting. Am I being unreasonable?

(Be gentle am still crying)

OP posts:
LemonysSnicket · 15/02/2018 22:15

I don’t have CP but was bullied in school for how I walked ( fasciitis) and it’s really hurtful. Essentially mocking your whole presence over something you can’t control.
Imitating you at all is not on and not the correct way to constructively criticise someone’s performance.

GUMBYMUMBY · 15/02/2018 22:20

What a rotter. I am really sorry and hope he gets what he deserves for being so cruel and stupid x

TheMaddHugger · 15/02/2018 22:21

Madd ((((Huggy Hugs))))) @cannotbelievethistoday 💐💚💐

feska5 · 15/02/2018 22:35

How dare he! He’s disgusting and he owes you a public apology. Please don’t cry over him. 💐

BewareOfDragons · 15/02/2018 22:45

How horrible!

you shouldn't have to work with him until after your mediation with him, and then only if you are comfortable with it.

I agree that you should bring someone to the meeting who will be support for you.

nocoolnamesleft · 15/02/2018 22:48

Disablist arsehole. Respect to you for raising it.

Mysideofthings · 15/02/2018 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/02/2018 22:57

we have only one day working together between now and next Thursday

Are you comfortable with that? Because I'd be telling the sales manager that you don't feel able to work with him - at least until this has been resolved to your satisfaction - and asking that he be moved elsewhere until the meeting happens

Please believe me that he wouldn't be awkward with you ... he wouldn't dare, as he'll know you could make a lot of difficulties for the company over this. Unfortunately that may also be why he's so keen for this hideous person to grovel to you - not for your sake, but in a desperate bid to show they've "done something"

As PP have said, you need urgent advice from either your union or ACAS, and should definitely take a witness to the meeting

user1499722317 · 15/02/2018 22:59

What a horrible man. The word spastic is not acceptable in any context. Imitating you would be very nasty in any case but you have cerebral palsy which makes it completely unacceptable. I hope you feel a bit better with all the support from here OP.

VodkaLimeSoda27 · 15/02/2018 22:59

Just forget it and move on, Mysideofthings? How can you consider the OP's manager making fun of her disability a 'trivial thing'? It's discrimination and shouldn't be tolerated. Give your head a wobble.

OP, I hope you get a grovelling apology from this arsehole Flowers

64BooLane · 15/02/2018 23:08

Anyone who would do that is a pathetic, wilfully ignorant tosser and clearly not suited to a managerial role. And of course it’s not on you to “just forget it” Hmm

Positive thoughts to you, you were unquestionably right to take action. Brave too.

TooManyPaws · 15/02/2018 23:08

Making a formal grievance complaint can be welcomed by an organisation if they know that something has been going on but have no evidence. I remember sitting in a senior manager's office while he constantly reminded me that he couldn't give advice but I had the right to make a grievance, again and again. When I did make the formal complaint they were delighted as they knew that one manager was being verbally abusive to his staff but no one would complain and they had no evidence to discipline him. Think about that point of view. Any decent organisation would want this piece of shite to be disciplined so that he never does anything like this again. You have right on your side and he should be shaking in his shoes not to be fired. Make sure you take someone in with you such as a union rep or someone with a cool head to argue for you in case you get upset and who can act as both support and witness.

Willow2017 · 15/02/2018 23:10

"A bit of banter"???
Mimicking ops walking and talking.
Calling computers 'spastics'.
Op has said she minimises 'other things'.
Its completely unacceptable to take the p out of someone's disability unless that person is a close friend/relative and the disabled person does this themselves anyway.

A manager doing it to a colleague isnt 'banter'.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 15/02/2018 23:13

I would also ask the area manager that he goes on some disability awareness training course. I agree too that if possible have someone with you and write down your statement, not just what happened on both occasions but also how it made you feel.

robertaplumkin · 15/02/2018 23:21

that's serious stuff and HR will want to know. write EVERYTHING down. this person absolutely should not be behaving like this.

Motoko · 16/02/2018 00:23

Mysideofthings

You sound just as bad as the manager.

Glitterbabe69 · 16/02/2018 00:46

Mysideofthings you sound like you're as big a dickhead as the manager! Behaviour like this is not acceptable in any way! 😡🙄

Ssssurvey · 16/02/2018 00:53

Mysideofthings ??????????????
Seriously ????????????

reddingtn · 16/02/2018 01:26

Mysideofthings has been a goady twat on other threads too. Ignore

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/02/2018 05:39

He sent a text to a colleague, “I am sorry, I didn’t mean in that way”. He really doesn’t get the gravity of the situation or even really understand what he’s done wrong. He didn’t even have the decency to apologise to you. And if he didn’t mean it in that way, how did he mean it? Idiot. I’ think asking a representative to attend is a very good idea as previously suggested. Preferably from HR. It sounds as if this could be brushed under the carpet otherwise.

Leilaniiii · 16/02/2018 05:47

That's awful! Sorry to ask, but does he know you have CP? Sorry if that's a dumb question.

Mossbystrand · 16/02/2018 05:52

Push for him to go for equalities and any other training. I'd take my union representative and have them haul him over the coals.

Mossbystrand · 16/02/2018 05:55

Also ask him at the meeting about the text he sent to your colleague. Which other way did he mean it by then if not the way it was taken? I'm failing to see what other inoffensive way it could be taken.

rwalker · 16/02/2018 06:21

how awful your sales manager will know exactly what to do and by his response he has acknowledge it and is dealing with it .
you have 2 options 1st one full on grievance and discipline procedure using diversity as the reason mocking disability very serious and the company would be able to dismiss him . option 2 face to face with sales manager and deal with it imforamly normally a meeting ,discussion on what happened and him sent on diversity awareness course .
shit position because if he lost his job you feel responsible but not your fault at all and he deserves it but it has to be dealt with.You know what he's like is he just that unprofessianl does not understand diversity and see it as bannter .Mocking a disability even kids know thats not right .

Motoko · 16/02/2018 08:56

Also ask him at the meeting about the text he sent to your colleague. Which other way did he mean it by then if not the way it was taken?

And why he sent it to the colleague, not you.