To charge family for looking after their children?

[upsideup]

We are looking after Sil's and BiL's DC (5 children) for 6 days in the easter holidays, It was all agreed a few weeks ago and we have been communicating and organising since however so far there has been no mention of payment, 5 children for for 6 days is going to be a significant amount of extra money just in food and other essentials
As its half term we will be doing days out and actvities anyway for our children but as Sil and biL are not expecting us to do these extra things, it kind of feels of wrong to expecting them to pay and we dont want our children to miss out by sticking to cheaper or free activities.
They live abroad so we dont see them that often and both parents had to go away anyway, so we offered to have the children, so they didnt ask if that makes a difference.
Normally we would go abroad in the easter holidays and we are just staying home this year so thats a saving and I guess our chidlren our benefitting from having fun with their cousins.

Would you ask for payement? and how much? If we going to ask, we are going to have to do it soon.

What I found annoying in the past was that friend's children came on holiday and as their parents were not payng, they got much more spending money than my children had which caused problems.

I would be sending money. It’s 5 kids, who you have offered to have because they have child care issues. I would not assume you were funding the whole 6 days, given my kids
Outnumber yours. I have always offered to pay when someone has my child for anything other than a play date. It’s gamily. I
Probably would ask for a contribution if they don’t offer it!

It's tricky to phrase it but not wrog to ask. But if someone was looking after my 2 (much less than 5!) children for 6 days then they would go with plenty of spends and a bag of snacks to last a week.

I's say

"Hey Db I was planning on doing XYZ it will cost a bit of money and obviously because there are 5 it will be quite expensive would you be able to contribute towards the cost.". I'm surprised they haven't offered to be honest.

Wow, you are very tight fisted. Expecting payment for looking after your own DNs? Bizarre

I never understand this way of thinking, it always seems to go in the favour of the CF's, if the OP is tight fisted then what are the relatives for not offering?? Surely it goes both ways? You want to avoid a family 'argument' but they don't seem to mind risking this, even though its THEIR children ... thats whats bizarre!

At first glance I thought you were U, but reading it all properly I can see how you got into this OP, you offered to care for them not even dreaming that the parents wouldn't automatically expect to pay for their childrens sustenance and entertainment - I completely see how this happened.

I think as it isn't 5 from one family, ie only a 2 and a 3 that they're not realising what a big deal it is. I definitely think you should broach the subject with them, after all they'd have to pay out if they had their own children wouldn't they?

If you don't get any money to cover basic costs then they not only get a child-free week but they even save themselves money into the bargain. You also have double the petrol costs as well and this could end up costing a fortune, as you say £500 for entrance for one day, even before food and petrol! You'd be paying for the privilege of having a hell of a week with 9 children. And you will be substantially out of pocket.

As someone else suggested, I'd just email them both in the same email and say you were thinking of doing x and y and asking if they were ok with the cost of it, as if you haven't even thought that they won't pay anything at all if you see what I mean. So, for example, hello everyone, re the holiday, we were thinking of going to x which is £20 per child and y which is £25 per child - is everyone ok with this? Then you could add something like 'we can take a packed lunch to keep costs down unless you'd like them to eat out. You could even say "We don't have to go out, as I appreciate that this could be more than you were expecting ...." which sort of implies that they obviously would have been expecting to pay something to cover their food at least and it brings the issue of money up.

That makes it clear that you're expecting a contribution anyway, even before trips etc.

But if they pay nothing at all, then its them, very definitely them who are the CF's! You really do need to speak up OP.

Do it this once. Lots of free trips to park etc. Then never offer again without getting details of finance sorted beforehand. Your kids will probably love having them there. You maybe not so much!

We are happy to look at staying home / cheaper / free options, but if you were able to pay for xxx then we were hoping to go to xxx and xxx. Hate to ask for a contribution but these places do charge quite bit so hope you understand we can’t pay for all the kids, but thought they may be of interest so wanted to give the option.
Happy either way, please let us know what ‘ the kids’ prefer to do, my kids can go another time if yours would prefer not to.

PlaymobilPirate Thu 15-Feb-18 17:40:37
Message and say 'Hi, just planning activities for when we have the kids. Can you let me know their rough budget from you so I know what to plan around'

If you don't like my suggestion OP, this one is really brilliant! In fact, I'd probably do this! It shows you're definitely expecting something without appearing rude.

Wait and see, I bet they plan on sending money - I reckon they think it is so obvious that they haven't thought to say. How kind of you for having them all, you are an awesome auntie!

Read the entire thread

It will end in tears.

Too many kids
Too big age range

Teens want gadgets, cinema, entertainment, not a day walking along the prom/south bank/ at the local park

Teens don't want to hang out with younger cousins or entertain them.

Back out now. Completely. Twist an ankle, br am a finger. Anything. Do not do this

Where are you sleeping 5 extra? Can't see a row of sleeping bags working. The mess the washing the chaos the non-stop feeding schedule ! Just say no

KeepHimJolene

We have said yes now, won't back track that far. Honestly we really don't mind doing it, we have had 9 kids round before and sure we will manage. 4 of the cousins are 10+, so hopefully old enough for it not to end in tears, little ones only 3 and he will be fine playing with my 3 and 4 year olds.
I made a thread maybe two weeks ago asking for help with sleeping arrangements and we think we have worked it out so if the fun sleepover with cousins dosnt work out, putting some of ours in our room and using lounge and playroom as bedrooms all the older cousins can have somewhere to sleep by themselves.

^*
Teens don't want to hang out with younger cousins or entertain them*^

Depends on the teen. Dd is 15 and loves to spend extended time with her cousins - aged 11, 7 and 4. We have the two older ones stay over for a few days each year and Dd loves it. It's not regularly they get to see each other so she sees it as a real treat. She's already asked if they're coming to stay this summer too. We do days out and time in A Dd is very flexible And happy to just hang out and entertain them. And she will happily go along with their younger interests for the few days they stay.

Likewise she loves going to visit her younger cousin for a day or two at a time and will happily take charge.

It's not backtracking OP is it? You didn't say let them come here - all inclusive - did you?

You just kindly offered to have them, not pay for them. The parents would normally be paying for them that week, but they have the benefit of alone time now, so why shouldn't they still pay what they would have paid anyway?

PlaymobilPirates message is perfect, without being rude or backtracking.

I wouldn't ask for money if I offered to look after their children. Just do activities that are free or inexpensive-picnics, go to the park, make ice-lollies, Easter hunts etc.

Don't ask for food money. At most, I would ask if you plan an expensive activity, eg a theme park. But limit it to 2 of those, and otherwise do cheap stuff and pay for it yourselves.

I agree - it's either cheap stuff at home or you give the option of a bigger day out but it really is an option. With 5 kids I doubt they do expensive days out often and may not have thought of it. 5 theme park tickets would be more than a day's babysitting and they've probably accepted your offer because their kids really want to spend time with yours rather than to save money so it'd be harsh for them to be out of pocket as a result. That's not to say you should be either OP, just to say they probably haven't banked on you going to a theme park.

YABU.......

When I first read the title - very shocked as you don’t “charge” family for babysitting family unless it’s a proper long term child care arrangement, especially not where you offered.

HOWEVER, am I correct in thinking Rngkish may not be your first language hence using the word “charge” as opposed to pocket money or contribute towards expenses? “Charge” implies making money whereas if you ask for pocket money or contribution to pricey days out, that is reasonable. Previous people have given quite good draft wording too.

At the end of the day, do think how great this is for all the cousins to be together, take lots of photos. This could be a gathering that could mean so much throughout their lives. (I live in another country from my family, I know how my children feel about seeing family and their cousins.)

Just as a flip side to this I really hope all the children have a fab time with each other. We used to spend a lot of holidays at my cousin’s house (we lived 350 miles from them so didn’t see them frequently). It’s 30 years ago now but they were the best holidays and I have such great memories of them. We weren’t taken to theme parks etc (they weren’t really around then anyway) and there wouldn’t have been the money for that sort of thing. We just played and hung out or went to the woods or the beach. It was ace. I’m getting rather misty eyed remembering it........

I think you’ve been lovely offering to have them, OP. I hope it all goes well and you get a great big dose of good karma as a result!

I'm surprised they haven't offered. If ever I'm lucky enough for someone to look after my one and I know there are plans for a day out/trip etc I always try to give the parent money to cover it (They rarely take it but it's polite to offer to cover your child's expenses, surely? And 5 is a bit much!)

In my family we give the children money to spend on extra activities or treats because we know that if we gave the parents they'd refuse.
We still usually don't let the children use the money for things we go as a group,though, but this tends to be a reciprocal thing.

The problem is if your ILs never reciprocate.

Surely when they drop them off they will leave spending money ect for them ?

Tbh 9 children (3 of whom are 4 and under) and only 2 adults at a busy theme park during school holidays sounds like a recipe for disaster anyway. Stick to country walks and park and see if BIL/SIL want to do a theme park day together when they return for DC. That way everyone can or for their own family and you’re less likely to lose one

A national trust family membership allows 2 adults and up to 10 children. They often have Easter themed activities on too. I'd buy one of those (currently says £114 for a year) and use it a lot!

Thankyou for your activity suggestion, we have written them down. We will try and limit the paid activities, we are just thinking it would be nice for the cousins who are not from here to get outside and see some of the UK and we are not sure how long 9 chidlren with such a big age range are going to keep themselves entertaines.
If we went somewhere busy we would bring adult dsd and her boyfriend to help us not lose anybody!