To ask for your secret nicknames for co-workers, customers or clients?

[Midge1978]

Just checking I'm not the only one who does this!

Susie 2 plums, ( spoke so posh she had more than one plum in her mouth)
Mrs Arsenal, (always carried a backpack with the club logo)
Mucky Mac (filthy dirty coat)

I found out that the neighbours used to call me Mrs Fourboys, I have four sons

Mr Negative
Arsehole
Xxxxxx the giant

Good point about nicknames being british. Im the only brit and no one else does it. I do it mostly to help me remember the names.

Stan the Man
Crusty (Kirsty)
Domi - dick (Dominic)
Troll
Fish face/the trout
Gadaffi
Shades (colleague with light adjusting specs)

Gosh I'm not very nice

How could I forget Fingers Foster

Foghorn Leghorn (only in my head) - team manager who is loud and clueless (and not shy about showing off her figure)

The Barrel - an enormous man as tall as he is wide

Calpol - always off sick
Small Dave - excessively tall guy called Tom
V-jay Jay (don't ask)
GlamourPuss - she doesn't make much effort tbf

Captain Pugwash - always waffling on about his time in the Navy
The Tapeworm - skinny, constantly eating, the first in line when the cakes come out
Duncan Disorderly - smells of alcohol at 10am

Also the Fat Cunt

I'm a terrible human

We have an Uncle Fester. There's also a really annoying bloke in a different division who doesn't have a nickname as such, but whenever my boss sees his car in the car park, he always says, "oh great, the Fun Bus is here."

DH works with a Smelly Simon and a Shakey.

Our horrible neighbours refer to us as The Clampitts or the Hillbillies. We don't have a specific name for them, other than Miserable Bastards.

The house over the road was previously lived in by Pie Boy and Tits (self-explanatory) then Subaru Man, also known as Burnsie. Burnsie was a pilot and drove a Subaru Impreza. He didn't really talk much but he'd occasionally speak to me, seemingly because I drove a Subaru as well. He looked quite a lot like the rally driver Richard Burns, so he became Burnsie. The Polish People now live in Burnsie's old house. They are an entirely unremarkable family and we do know their names now.

Dh and I call one of the school mums Drug Dealer's Wife...she's been that for about 5 years now.

I have no idea what her dh does, but she looks what a you'd expect a stereotypical criminals trophy wife to look like 😂

We have
The Welsh Witch (head teacher)
Google (nosiest Teaching assistant ever and she knows EVERYTHING)
Big Bad Kate (scary teacher)
The Dementor (cos she sucks the joy out of the classroom)
Posh Julie (she used to work for MI5) which unfortunately makes the other Julie Notposh Julie!

Excellent thread. Having to sift through my memory as I work from home and haven't had proper colleagues for years.

Going back:
Grumpy guy called Richard Payne we used to call Period (Payne / Pain).
Young girl - v short who used to wear tight knee length skirts and big shoes = Minnie Mouse

Another grumpy guy was Chuckles.

As for the neighbours: Fat Les, Slapped Arse, Old Gits

School gate mums include Titwoman

There must be more ....

We have a little old man who seems to have been employed to make the printers worse. He was doing something to the one in my office when he farted, so he is now known as Windypop.

Manager is Bitchknickers, Grey (because she makes everything grey and gloomy) or Big N.

I have worked with a Titch, Miles Crane, El Wierdo, Einstein and The Phantom Stroker.

I worked in a university - nearly everyone had a nickname.

Professor Yaffle
Uncle Fester
Lofty (from Eastenders)
Morticia
Hyacinth Bucket (The Vice Chancellor's secretary who was exactly like her namesake)
Bacofoil (who turned up to the xmas do in a silver dress)
The Cybermen (IT department)
Sheldon and Leonard
The Evil Master (dark hair and beard)
Fidel Castro (Spanish lecturer with beard)
Captain Haddock (there were a lot of beards)
Professor Widdecome (one of the Faculty Deans, looked a lot like Ann Widdecome)
Judge Judy

Dr Bunsen Honeydew

These are brilliant!

Used to work with a guy we would call Funtime because you could never raise a smile out of the bugger. There was also Handsome Dad as he was good looking in a older man kind of way. I currently work with Little Miss Sunshine who looks a bit like that adorable girl from the film - she is so cute but also quite important so I resist the urge to smooch her little chubby cheeks

Smoosh not smooch! reads workplace policy on appropriate conduct and sexual harassment*

'The Phantom Stroker'

One manager is known as 'Playtime Fontayne', after the Viz character.

Remembered a few more. Tony the Tiger. He used to tell us tales of his water bed at home, we imagined him in a leopard print thong

our neighbours are dumb and dumber (both have d names think don and debra) or dick and dickhead if they're really pissing us off.

collectively they are "the knobheads next door" the other next door are "nice nextdoor"

Nc 'd as this will be outing
Oh fuck I love this thread. We have names for everybody🙀😃😃 neighbours, parents at the school gates, family members and colleagues.
I know one guy and we call him turkey mince. Can't even remember why!
Then there is hank because his wife looks like Peggy from king of the hill.
I also have bacon ears, merv (because he is a perv), pugsley adams and Arlene foster, peter Kay, (for a female colleague), Peter griffin, I could go on.
I've came close so many times to calling them the joke name but caught myself on in time.

@halfwitpicker calpol made me lol!!!
We've got one of those but call her panadol.
Also got fester, the penguin and Jesus. Ned Flanders lives next door and the big fat ugly racist bastards live opposite us

Sleeves... for a really lovely guy who always had his sleeves rolled up

Velcro - because he always gets stuck
Beagle - because he is always yapping
Damp dog - because he smells like a damp dog
speedy - because she is so slow