To ask for your secret nicknames for co-workers, customers or clients?

[Midge1978]

Just checking I'm not the only one who does this!

We have an unreasonable number of men with the same, very common name (think John, but it's not John, and there's 8 of them) so we identify them by either mimicking any oddities about their voice (e.g John said in a squeaky voice) or by a particular gesture they might make a lot. One has huge bushy eyebrows so of course if you refer to him, "John" is accompanied by having to put your hands up to your eyebrows and waggle them.

DP calls our neighbours The Glitters... From the delightful phrase "you can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter".

I once had one called Exocet because we knew he was coming and there was nothing we could do about it.
Hulk
Elmer Fudd

Best I ever heard was one of dh's. The bloke's initials were DF - he was known as Dark Foreboding.

I used to have a princessy madam in my old team. DH named her 'Diva Snaps' after I described one of her (many) dramatic flounces to him, but I never mentioned it at work as I was the head of the department and you're supposed to love 'em all the same (just like parenting).

I had a manager about 15 years ago where it was fatal to go in her office if you had work to get done. She'd trap you with gossip and chit chat for half an hour. DH and I referred to her as 'Rambling Rose'.

Oh, yeah and the passive aggressive cow who I shared with for a year was referred to at home as 'Lockets' after she left Lockets on the desk of our trainee because she thought he was clearing his throat too much/noisily during a bad cold.

There's a woman in my current department that I refer to as 'Chicken Licken' in my daily "how was your day?" round ups for DH. She treats every tiny problem as if the sky is falling in. God knows what she'd do if she was faced with a real catastrophe.

Of course, I am far too professional to ever use these nicknames in work.

Creeper - member of staff who appears by your side silently, all up close and personal when she wants to tell you something, Makes me jump every time

Toad - bosses spy who has a face like a toad

Braless Bev (Names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Dizzy

Steven Spielberg - always takes it upon herself to interfere with, and coordinate anything the children are putting on despite no one asking

Clipboard - walks around looking very important even though she does the same menial job as the rest of us.

I like them both but these traits are particularly annoying. I just have to remember to not call them by their nicknames!

Colleagues (over the years)

Lurking Michael (he was seriously creepy)

Margaret with the Face (most miserable cow you've ever encountered)

Gastric Brian (so called because he had a tummy tuck - and it distinguished him from Football Brian)

Big Dave, Little Dave and Hairy Dave

The Spoon Police (you would not believe the lengths this wumman went to if anyone took a spoon out of the kitchen area)

Irish Nick and Nick Nick

The Fat Bastard (self-explanatory, though admittedly cruel)

There's a very senior woman in my organisation that I have inwardly named 'Mack the Knife', from the first line of the song (she smiles a lot, but a kind of predatory smile that scares the shit out of me).

And Tony Blair - so called because he began every sentence with Look . . .

We use these lots... my fav is hot wax -

Had a colleague who’s nickname is The Poison Dwarf basically a very short very unpleasant person. We hate a rep who visits who has a habit of spelling out his name so we never refer to him as Pete we just always spell it when we talk about him

My old neighbours were The Clampits as they were just awful.

I’ve also worked with Dangerous Dave, Rat boy (can’t take credit for those two) and Mad Madge

'The olive lady'
'The cleaning woman'
'The rat guy'
'Fireman Sam'
'The Alpaca'

Ex’s s Robocop and one of current neighbours is Nut Job

Velocoraptor who stalks the aisles in Tesco looking for staff to do hideous shifts. She is quite threatening looking...

Fat mike
Dead dave
Captain comequick
Squelchy (don’t ask)
Sausage fingers
Lanky boab
Thatguywiththefunnywalk
Shite scrapers (awful pointy man shoes)

Male narcissistic colleague = bawbag

In DP's family they have BuggerOff Betty. (I"ve not changed any names there). Betty's husband died , she pleaded poverty and begged for headstone donations. Donations were forthcoming..she took the money and buggered off to Tenerife with her mates for a month. (hubby never got headstone)

There is a guy I used to know (more acquaintance really) who screwed over a mutual friend of ours. Mutual friend needed to keep his phone number for business purpose but changed the name in his phone to 'German Cunt' instead of 'William' (not real first name). Imagine my shock last week, I was on a cruise and I saw German Cunt! I hadn't seen him for about a decade. I went running to DP in shock 'oh my God you'll never guess who's on the ship! German Cunt! German' Cunt's here!" Everyone stared at me. Not my finest moment..especially as my friend's german other half was with us, took me a while to explain it was never a name I personally gave (it just stuck in my head)

We have:

The General
The Flash
The Fruit bat
The Fuehrer

all staff.

Customers: Hobbit Feet, Smelly Wellies, Dog man, Mrs Miggins

Colleagues: Foo Foo, the Brains Trust, Stanley Kubrick, the Washerwoman, Little Legs

Managers: Darth Vader, the Angel of Death

The HR department is referred to as the Old Bailey

Oh and I forgot Gitty and Sidebottom (colleagues)

Ephemera...I have a dear friend who is very set in his ways, very particular, we've called him this (behind his back) since his teens...Mrs Miggins or just plain Miggins!

Scratch and sniff

Foot in the Door - he once mentioned his parents were Jehovah's Witnesses.