To ask for your secret nicknames for co-workers, customers or clients?

[Midge1978]

Just checking I'm not the only one who does this!

One of my colleagues is Dour Doris (name changed)

but only in my head though

My neighbours are commonly known as Frizzy Lizzy (crazy hair) and rubber-necker (always gawping in our windows as she walks past. 'Shifty', thankfully, has moved on.

Beware though, DH and his colleagues naked their female manager "Bridget the Midget" as she was not much more than 5' and very petite. On several occasions she was referred to as Bridget in conversation and could never understand why.

We used to have a Dolores (she was exactly like Dolores Umbridge). Other teams called her Poison Dwarf. Dreadful woman.

We also have a Sideshow Bob, and my colleague has PC (primary crush), and SC (secondary crush, only good for when PC isn't there).

Disclaimer - real names may or may not be included........

The Useless Ben
Short Armed Steve (really short forearms. Once noticed, impossible to ignore)
Robo Support (Product support who resolve part one of a complex issue then declare the problem resolved)
Tim, nice but dim
Wilbur, the bear with very little brain. (Nice friendly bloke but needs to have everything explained multiple times, with pictures, and a reminder the next day, again with pictures and perhaps a diagram, then a reminder a week later, perhaps this time with a little video to explain it even more clearly....)

An old manager was affectionately nicknamed Jabba (after Jabba the hut in Star Wars) because she was short and overweight and evil! She used to sit in her chair waving her fat arms around barking orders at people. My GOD I hated her.

Too outing really to say currently but in a previous job we had ‘the slug’ (lazy boss).

We’ve had more for neighbours & acquaintances rather than colleagues -
Old neighbours were ‘haemorrhoids’ as sounded similar to their surname.

2 delivery men who drop stuff off regularly...

PF - not precious firstborn, but Passion Fingers - fucks up everything he touches...

and Wing-nut - he has big ears

My nickname at a previous workplace was Whittering Wendy.

I found out when I accidentally saw a group email where my colleagues were ripping me to shreds.

Be careful with nicknames. They can really hurt.

My husband nicknamed someone in his own head Judy Hotwax as he had the misfortune to be sitting opposite her when she was booking an appointment at the beauticians for a Brazillian Wax.

Mad Sue, because she was mad. (One example - she made a big deal out of some ducklings that had hatched out of nest in the office car park. My husband shooed the duck away the next year when she was looking to build her nest. Not particularly safe with cars coming in and out, really.)

I heard someone at a workplace I was at referred to as 'Granny' as she was old and set in her ways.

I nicknamed an old NDN as Sour faced Sue because she was boring and never smiled.

I nicknamed someone Sophie Sicknote 'cause she was always off ill. Occ Health got involved but nothing ever changed.

Hahahaha!
We had a manager at one point called Bob Hope, which was silly enough anyway, but a colleague of mine had to stop thinking of him, entirely appropriately, as Bob Hopeless in case he used the name in a meeting.
We also had two older Alpha Males who went around together bearing a slightly superior mien and grumbling to each other about the failings of the rest of the workforce. They were known as Stadtler and Waldorf.

This will out me if any of my colleagues are on here but we have one particularly nasty lovely member of staff who is called either 'Eva Braun' or 'Frosty Knickers' depending on who you're speaking to.

My dad used to have names for all his friends based on their professions, as well as the more normal ones, think 'Bob the Builder', we had David Knickers (sold underwear), and I'm sure there were some other funny ones...

Someone at work is referred to as Penfold, as he really does look exactly like him.

The princess, bitch boss, mum, moneybags, Norman the Mormon, anthea etc. All so DP can remember who is who when I talk about work.

Colleagues; we have grumpy santa and Jonny Roids. I didn't know what their real names were for about 3 years.

LakieLady - that list is the best!

My dad calls a neighbour of theirs Baggy Drawers. I've no idea if the nickname has any basis in reality. They're actually quite good friends so I wonder if it might be to help him deal with his man-of-a-certain-age diffidence about being (shock!!!) friends with a LADY!

Yep some of my colleagues

Tuttii futti - a lady who wears garish clothes
open all hours - a woman in the office who sleeps with all the male staff
captain tofu twat - a preaching vegan
quorn queen -female preaching vegan
cheese string - a girll who sat and picked her feet
orange mobile - fake tanned, always on her mobile

Crap face, dick face, cunt face and fuck face.

Not saying, but those of us with mobiles have often allocated names to people who need to contact us which gives a certain pleasure. Eg if one boss called me his name came up as GrandNumpty. The Lord forbid my phone was ever left where he could see it when it rang ...

Mr photo opportunity....the boss
" S " i have to stick my nose into everybodys business
My ex next door neighbours their surname was Herman....we called them the monsters.

We call our neighbors Dimitri and Svetlana because —they are so nosey— we think they are KGB spies. Their real names are akin to Dave and Sue.

Tentecleman.
Captain Charisma - miserable teacher at the kids school.
The FunPolice - Headmaster of the school
OliveOil - mum I know who looks like her but I only call her that in my head.
Uncle Bulgaria - bloke with the garden full of crap.
Caesar Milan - neighbors down the road whose name I don’t know but has a dog walking company.

I do it all the time in my head, mostly because I’m so bad at remembering names.

I had to make up a particularly horrible name to save my sanity from a really malicious male senior.

"Bald Bitch Barbie"

He was weirdly effeminate, but also homophobic, as well as thoroughly woman-hating in a really sly, resentful sort of way.
Also used to hate being called bald, as he "had a full head of hair, just preferred to shave it off" massive bald patch obvious to see through the stubble

I basically picked the name I knew he would really hate the most, and used it to internally let off steam.

Me and dd have names for people at skating.

There is flamboyant guy who is very camp when skating.

Also Peanut Head boy who unsurprisingly has a head shaped like a peanut.

We’ve got

Personality Chris (this one’s ironic)
Chris who’s NOT gay (always said in a surprised tone of voice)
The Poisoned Dwarf
Jenny with the (mime big boobs)