To ask for your secret nicknames for co-workers, customers or clients?

[Midge1978]

Just checking I'm not the only one who does this!

We have a manager who is obsessive about details. On our team, she was always known as Anal Annie but another team call her the Tick Boxer.

We have nicknames for neighbours. My NDN is a scrawny little bloke but is known (only to us!) as Big Pants, because of the unfeasibly enormous y-fronts that appear on their washing line. His partner is Mrs Big Pants and the kids were the Little Big Pants.

Opposite we have Mr & Mrs Canoe (used to have one on top of their car at weekends) and next to them are the Greedy-Fuckers (have put their house on the market 3 times, always at least £30k overpriced).

The house three doors down used to be owned by a prison officer and his family were collectively known as The Screws. They moved a few years ago and the people who live there now are the New Screws. Another family are known as the Mountains, because they built an extension and dumped all the spoil in the back garden without giving any thought as to how they would remove it once the extension was finished, leaving a huge mound in their back garden.

Less interesting neighbours are known by their cars or the breed of their dogs, although that is somewhat flawed as 50% of the dogs round here are black labs or springer spaniels.

Billy Whizz - has a weird shaped head
We also have Sicknote, the Northern nutter, Teflon, Two Pies, Poison Dwarf, Coolio Iglesias and Simon the Bastard (his surname is Bastable).

Senior mangers-the chuckle brothers (both as hopeless as each other). Fat bastard.
Other inept colleague- horse manure breath.

We call a really grump guy in my office "cuddles"

I used to work in a tattoo studio frequented by a 6'6" Hells Angel with a swastika tattooed on his forehead. He was known as 'Petal' and 'Sugar Plum'. One of the tattooists kept on greeting the horrible bastard with those names too

Bride of Chucky
Paperclip girl

Our it guy is called reboot!

Colleague: Jack Skeleton (tall, thin, bald), former neighbour: Barry Shitpeas (he used to park his shitty car outside our terraced house all the time and I'd been watching lots of Charlie Brooker at the time. He looked like a Barry anyway...)

First one that came to mind is Duct Tape. After she came looking for help choosing a product to sooth herself after attempting a brazilian with duct tape for her new boyfriends pleasure. Don't think he got much!

Mrs Gin - Gorgeous, glamorous lady who used to come in every Saturday at the same time, usually with her teenage son, and buy a bottle of gin and 100 cigarettes. Sadly when the son went off to university she began coming in every few days and buying 3 bottles of gin at a time. I left that job not long after but I often wonder what happened to her, I hope she's better now.

We used to have uncle nobhead but he's left now.

@T1M2N3T4
DP works with Bungalow Bill

Oh my god, is that what it means? My nan has referred to an old friend of the family as 'Bungalow Bill' for years and I just went with it. Never lived in a bungalow and he's called Frank. Wow... mindblown this morning haha.

Ostrich - big, doe eyes that were larger than her brain
Brown trout - due to permanent trout pout
You buy one you get one free - looked like the guy on the double glazing adverts

We had a manger that was a complete know it all. We called him Sinatra for the song "I did it my way". Then we decided it will be KIA (Know It All).

So when we talked about him it was KIA Sinatra, which is similar to a car in this country called the KIA Sonata.

He thought we all loved cars....

Some of these are brilliant.

On my allotment field:

Tattoo Man
Academic Lady
Mrs Pearl Clutcher
Mr Grumpy

There's a rather large gentleman at the bingo whom we refer to as gutsy as his gut is always uncovered about 4 inches.
I work with gobshite who always talks loudly and it's usually total shite aswell

There’s someone at work who I have always called the moany one or the bitchy one but as she’s very short and fat
I’m going to start calling her the poison dwarf after others in this thread!

Christ, so many in my work! Bus depot so lots of guys, all know by nicknames they didn’t want.
Boss : Window Licker
Controller: Hump ( always angry )
2nd Controller : Screaming Skull
Drivers have so many....
Colin the not right cunt
Windy ( last name is Miller )
Sutcliffe ( looks like him )
Submarine commander ( I have no idea why )
Early Darren
That Prick Bubbles ( again don’t know why )
Dan the tailing bastard
Low bridge ( self explanatory )
So many more that would be outing...

When I worked in a supermarket we had mr Brandy. He used to buy 2 bottles of brandy and 400 cigarettes in one go. He was a driving instructor!

We have a neighbour who rivetingly sells cheese for a living.
As he's a bit of a knob about it he's referred to as The Cheese Peddler

Current colleagues: Ermintrude (male, only eats "protein, diet food" yet is rather large...the day he wore a pink shirt clinched the Magic Roundabout name), Skanky [Insert name of choice] - generally males in their 20's who permanently have colds. Kevin the Teenager.

Previous: Tinky Winky (purple shirt was a killer), Kermit and also a Beaker...LucyAutumn I wonder if it was the same person?!

I give nicknames to the people I see regularly on my commute. There’s:
Boats for shoes
Angry chicken
3 stop Pops
That fucking awful woman.

We have a group that we collectively call "the teenagers" because the act like teenagers in the worst possible ways.

We have several people with the same names so to distinguish them they are "Tall Amy", Beautiful Amy" and "Amy-With-the-Blue-Eyes"

And then there's "Jeff" and "Other Jeff" - interchangeable depending on which one you meant to be talking to.

I work in an open plan office and there's some bloke who never shuts up all day telling his colleagues all sorts of boring stories. He does this little laugh after every story so he known to us in our section as Sir Laughsalot.

There's someone on a different floor who is perfectly lovely but has huuuge hair so he's always known as sideshow bob.

And there's another guy who looks like Beaker from the muppets, so he's unimaginatively known as....Beaker.

One of the managers where I worked was Kipper Carter - two-faced and gutless.

Another guy was called TCP. He worked out the P was for Parsons - never did work out the TC bit was That Cunt.