To not want my future child lied to?

[cjferg]

Dh and I agree we won't be lying to our soon to be born child about anything. We both know how much it can fuck any relationships up and undermine trust.

Massive argument with MIL recently about santa. She thinks we are being ridiculous to not want to tell a pointless lie more often than not used to control children's behaviour. I think there is enough beauty and 'magic' in the world already without making shit up. I'd rather teach them about that.

Also our kid is going to get lied to enough by everyone/thing else in life so why would we want to add more?

And lying to avoid awkward questions is just a lazy cop out. In this day and age a kid is probably going to find out about sex and stuff like that pretty young anyway and I'd rather tell them myself if they asked than them find out some half baked version from wherever else.

So you're going to have to encourage your child to lie then I presume OP? They'll have to pretend they believe when among other children so as not to ruin it for them or else that'd be really shitty for all the other boys and girls

Most people with emotional intelligence appreciate that lies are sometimes beneficial- and pointing out the truth is not always the right thing to do.
When your future child sees a fat person on the bus, are they right to say for all to hear "That man is really fat"? No, it may be the truth but sometimes you don't speak the truth, because you are aware of other people's feelings.
When my DH died, my DS aged 9 was distraught and anxious. He asked if I was going to die. "Not until I'm very, very, very old" I lied through my teeth.
Should I have told him "the truth"- Oh, I might die in my sleep tonight from an undiagnosed heart condition. I might get knocked down by a bus tomorrow. I could have a stroke next Wednesday." Funnily enough, for his emotional well being, I did not tell him the truth.

Ah first time parents. Oh how I cringe about all the things I said I wouldn’t do.

Op, Santa isn’t compulsory, you don’t have to do it. It would be kind towards other children though to let your child know that some children do believe in him, so not to spoil it for them.

I’ll tell my child your child is lying. And every parent at Nursery / school will think you’re a twat.

This^🙌

please come back in 4 years when you have an actual child and we can all laugh about this fuckery and you can have a good cringe.

I think there is also a certain irony that you are getting upset that your mother is telling you the truth.

OP vanished, media looking for headlines imo. rolls eyes.

Don't be so ridiculous op.

So when you're 3 year old asks 'why are you sad mummy?' are you seriously going to say;
-' well ds, when I had you I tore really badly and it's still affecting my sex life with daddy'
-'Aunty Gill has found another lump on her breast. She's having a biopsy tomorrow and whilst it might be nothing it wasn't last time and she only just survived'
-'I just heard on the news about a 2 week old baby who was beaten to death by her father'

Any of those appeal to you?

If you want to be honest to them about Santa you will also have to teach them to lie pretty quickly or every other parent you know will be pissed off with you in no time.

Just don’t make a big deal of it and the kid will figure it out for themselves by the first year of school. Being po-faced and virtue signalling in this space is probably not going to enhance your child’s life.

Kids watch telly. Mine say santa, I never say santa, I say father Christmas. You will end up with explaining to do however you cut it.
And sometimes a child friendly lie is better than the truth. Mine love a good 'lie'. 'Mummy, is xxx real?' 'its better than real, it's magic'. Stolen from one of the grandpas in PeppaPig (not real).

Ha ha sort interesting how people choose to parent their unborn/hypothetical children.

"I'll never do that...
My child will never have a dummy...
My child will behave and not have tantrums in public. I'll just tell them to be quiet"

Come back in a few years

You can still enjoy Christmas and tell the Santa story without lying to children about Santa being real. It's pretend play. The same way that you can dress up for Halloween and enjoy it without telling your child that vampires, ghosts and werewolves are real.

YANBU.

Gawd I thought these twatty threads went away between January and oooh I dunno September
When you have your —imaginary—baby you will have far bigger fish to fry

Good Luck with that

I was brought up not believing in Santa. I don't remember telling all my school friends that he isn't real. I find the whole Santa thing ridiculous!

You know, believing in a little bit of magic and mystery is what makes the innocence of childhood so special.

My friend did what you are proposing to do and her little girl who went around upsetting the rest of the class in Reception - so that’s age 5! Said girl is also cynical beyond her years, tends to sneer at a lot of the usual “childish” stuff and rather hard edged. Yes, I blame the mum for introducing this. Don’t be that mum.

There is much to be gained by encouraging Santa, the tooth fairy, etc. Imaginations are grown, creativity, wonderment. It’s a lovely way for grandparents to bond with children. It’s a lovely thing for a child to experience if it’s done well.

You don’t have to go overboard, but why introduce cynicism and suspicion so early?

Before I had kids I said I'd never lie to them about anything (I hadn't thought through the Santa issue)

They are now in Secondary School and still believe that the ice cream van only plays a tune when it has run out of ice cream.

Things change when your imaginary DC are real DC. You realise the whole thing is nothing like you imagined. I hope for your DC's sake that this is one of the things that changes.

I think it's really tricky not to lie to kids!
"Are you ok mummy?"
"No, I'm not, I feel like I'm being crushed by an immeasurable sadness and I don't know why"

OR "I'm fine thanks" ??

Heh heh heh. I bet the OP shall:

• Not feedeth the child on non-organic food
• Alloweth the child not to play with dolls/cars and weareth not pink nor blue clothing
• Never taketh the child to MaccyDs
• Showeth not the child Disney cartoons, lest their eyes be assaulted by the sexism, racism and gender stereotypes
• Let the child run free on soft play, lest they are attacked by evil germs

• let the kid have any fun...

I feel so sorry for you, and your future child, if that is your veiw of the world

No I don't mean being a complete fun sponge, just saying that it's something some people believe in and that's fine (like Jesus) and have our own traditions at Christmas.

Argument happened because mil point blank refused to accept our stance on this even though it is our choice.

When a kid asks awkward questions the problem I have is when people just tell an outright lie and think it's hilarious. Fair enough don't be detailed/graphic but don't just lie for you're own comfort or amusement.

UrsulaPandress I've always, from when I was a child, found beauty and magic in being in the woods, and surrounded by nature. Also you could read Harry Potter..

"Just don’t make a big deal of it and the kid will figure it out for themselves by the first year of school. Being po-faced and virtue signalling in this space is probably not going to enhance your child’s life."

Exactly this, as @BeesAndChiscuits says.

My son came to me when he was about 8 and asked if Santa was real. asked him if he wanted me to be truthful and he said yes. So I said that Santa didn't exist; he said ok but went a bit quiet and thoughtful. He came back to me a couple of days later and said "you know that conversation we had about Santa not being real? Can we just pretend we didn't have it?" I said "yes, no problem"; I still put out a carrot for the reindeer and a piece of shortbread and a glass of whisky on Christmas Eve and he's 22. He knows that I drink the whisky (obvs) and it has become a nice, conforting joke that we maintain. I think I'll be doing it til I die - with a smile on my face very time and memories of many very happy christmases

Good for you?