To not want my future child lied to?

[cjferg]

Dh and I agree we won't be lying to our soon to be born child about anything. We both know how much it can fuck any relationships up and undermine trust.

Massive argument with MIL recently about santa. She thinks we are being ridiculous to not want to tell a pointless lie more often than not used to control children's behaviour. I think there is enough beauty and 'magic' in the world already without making shit up. I'd rather teach them about that.

Also our kid is going to get lied to enough by everyone/thing else in life so why would we want to add more?

And lying to avoid awkward questions is just a lazy cop out. In this day and age a kid is probably going to find out about sex and stuff like that pretty young anyway and I'd rather tell them myself if they asked than them find out some half baked version from wherever else.

Ah it's so easy to have all these opinions before you actually have a baby. Good luck with it, maybe post an update when you have a child!

Telling your kid the truth about everything is frankly, ridiculous. There is no adult who is genuinely traumatised by the fact that Mum and Dad "lied" about Santa. Are you going to tell them that terrorist attacks could happen at any time? How about the fact that your child shouldn't talk to strangers because there are paedophiles who would rape and murder them? No. You would teach them to be sensible and wait until they are old enough to process the truth before telling it. Get a grip.

You're an idiot OP.

I ‘lied’ about Santa, Easter bunny etc but with proper issues ie sex, death etc I tell the truth, just not every graphic detail. It’s not lying it’s just giving your children the amount of information appropriate to their age and stage.

Well if your child tries to tell my child there’s no Santa at the age of 3 then I’ll tell my child your child is lying. And every parent at Nursery / school will think you’re a twat.

Don’t be such a misery guts. Because Santa is magical. It really really is. And you’re not a parent so you’re viewing this rather analytically.

Pretend play is part of learning to grow up, are you going to refuse to pretend that a cardboard box is a boat/house/car because you don’t want to lie to your child? 🙄

You really want to fall out with MIL just before you have your baby? And about santa?! Honestly... choose your battles.

Let's remember to avoid all the fantasy films, and fiction books - after all they are just lies.

Them you just avoid any cartoon action hero and si-fi TV programme

Don't forget to only play competitive games because 'letting them win' is a lie

Oh and you know that stuff you worry about in your head? Do tell them so they can understand and be anxious about it all

Great parenting - look forward to the book

Why not just say you don't want the fat man in the red suit to take credit? Because 90% of the time its what people really mean.

I've never met a adult who is deeply troubled and had its life ruined by the lie that is Santa.

🍿

Sounds okay, I mean, if you like.

But what who or what exactly will you tell your dc Santa is? Genuine question. Because the guy is everywhere and honestly I can't imagine how you're going to explain that away in child-friendly language WITHOUT lying!

Frankly the popular lie is just waaaaaay easier.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Dear god

DD 10 isn't traumatised by the fact that we lied to her about Father Christmas.

So my day would have been....
'Yes, I have lots of biscuits. But you can't have any.' (To my toddler)
'Thank you for making this cup of tea but I'm secretly pregnant and planning to tip it away when you're not looking, as it makes me feel sick.' (To children who surprised me with a cuppa).

Jeez, you’re going to make loads of friends on the school run when your DC start telling everyone else’s kids that Santa isn’t real.

actually pretend play is a really good point. “No sweetheart, I won’t pretend to eat that cake you’ve made because it’s playdoh and tastes horrid”

Clearly you missed the message of Miracle of 34th street

You seem to be conflating a few different ideas with woolly logic.

There's enough lies and wretchedness in the world without you contributing to it, I agree with that. But I don't see how Santa plays into it.

Lying does indeed undermine trust and relationships but that's in so far as for example with your relationship with your DH - not whether your dc believes in Santa or not.

Yeah I thought a bit like you too before DD was born. I'll just say...good luck with that

My child and I recently had the 'Santa' talk and I confessed to my lie...
She still likes and trusts me, gets that it's a fun social construct that little and big kids love and I'm pretty confident that not only has it not fucked her up, but it's another way that kids actually do understand the difference between real/make believe.

Have you genuinely thought this through?

When my dd was about to have surgery do you really think I told her its going to hurt like hell and you will be in pain and off your face for weeks or do you think I may have lied to reassure her? Go and have another think about whether youre going to lie to your child or not.

you’re going to make loads of friends on the school run

Yep .... Maisy upset because her dad had an affair and they're splitting up
Joe can't have a birthday party because his mother spends all the money on chocolate
You can't invite Imogen round because I don't like her parents

I doesn't habe to be a big deal. I've never done the whole desperate attention seeming santa / Christmas stuff myself. I just never brought up santa, told them it was a story much like God, the Easter bunny and all that jazz. I just use my own imagination rather than borrowing someone elses though.

You think there is “enough beauty and magic in the world already”? I’m sorry but every day I see less and less beauty and magic in the world that my children are growing up in. Why would you choose to take away a tiny bit of harmless Christmas magic lots of children are brought up with. It’s just sad.