Can someone be too fertile?

[ByTheBlueBay]

I was on the pill for 6 years before I came off it. We conceived DD when we didn't use a condom once. Literally, once. I know once is all it takes but it was a shock.

Anyway since having DD we always used a condom. However it wasn't used straight away, there'd be a few pumps first (TMI). We'd only have sex once a month or so but I still managed to fall pregnant on DH's precum.

Am I super fertile? I had a termination and we haven't had sex since. I'm too scared. I'm considering the implant but I'm not sure how the hormones will affect me with depression and anxiety.

Abso - completely different issue to this thread. If this was a 'AIBU to get annoyed that people don't know what hyperfertilty is? thread then you'd be right in that comparison.

An accurate comparison to this thread would be 'I think I might have OCD?' and people going on there and saying ' no of course you haven't and it's offensive and insensitive of you to ask when OCD is a real thing affecting people and that isn't what you're describing and it's shocking you don't know enough about it. I want you to apologise for asking about it and what you have said is offensive to people who do have OCD.

Absofrigginlootly

Thanks so much for that brilliantly kind and wise post.

We've been saddened by the casual meanness on this thread too and we will continue to zap any posts reported which break our TGs.

In the meantime, there's always

Just the other day I saw a thread about OCD where posters were complaining how they hated the casual way people say "oh I'm so tidy I just be OCD lol"
When to them OCD is a debilitating mental illness
I agree.
I'm so clean and tidy I'm so OCD. I like my cupboards stacked neatly abd line up my knives and forks on the table so they're just right. I'm so OCD about things would get a tetchy reaction and understandably so.

I find myself getting panicky and stressed over tiny details and it's affecting how i get on with day ti day life. Do you think it would be worth speaking to the doctor in case these are part of OCD or something similar? Probably wouldn't get a a negative response.

That's my take anyway.

This OP had NO idea about a condition called hyperfertilty (hardly anyone on the thread did). She wasn't asking if she had a particularly condition, she asked if it was possible to be 'too fertile' as she wondered if she was.

Which is why all the offence about her wondering if she had hyper fertility is ridiculous because she'd never even heard of it!

Harvey you seem determined to have an argument about the very minuscule and specific details of what exactly pp may or may not have said - are you a lawyer irl?

I don't think posters are offended that she used the term ignorantly (not being aware of something is the definition of ignorance) it was more the rather casual and flippant (?) tone of the whole thing and then the defensive aggression when it was pointed out, rather than apologizing for any unitended offence. (Which would be the nice way to respond.)

Rather this thread has descended into a bun fight about how the fuck was she supposed to know about this condition get over yourself no one owes you an apology get the fuck off the thread of it offends you. And posters from the other side getting increasingly upset and defensive precisely because it is an emotive issue for them. A little bit of human compassion goes a long way on both sides. This thread has been sorely lacking in it

Have you not seen the earlier posts from TheCats et al in response to a vulnerable woman asking a question and her vulnerability and trauma being ignored while she was accused of 'bragging about having a termination' and called ignorant, insensitive and cunty' because THEY were upset she hadn't used the wording they wanted?

That's what I've been objecting to and the fact they wanted her to apologise or feel sorry for her wording yet did not once acknowledge the utter shit trauma she has been through but kept coming back to say well what she said IS insensitive while being fucking horrible to her and about her.

So as long as they keep coming back to say 'well I am right' without acknowledging what the OP has been through and that they behaved badly and just might have been even a bit in the wrong or oversensitive then yes, I'll keep arguing with their assertion they're right.

The difference between hyperfertility and "oops no contraception" @maisypops is huge.

For me unprotected sex once in a month WILL end up in a pregnancy and for the last 5 times that has happened the quality of the embryo has been insufficient to result in a successful pregnancy. My womb just grabs every fertilised egg whereas yours will use a bit more discretion about it.

An "oops" moment is highly likely NOT to result in pregnancy in the vast majority of women unless the oops happens multiple times over the course of the month. Then if the egg is fertilised chances of her body implanting it are slim unless it's a viable embryo.

harvey yes that why I said compassion has been lacking from both sides on this thread.

HarveyKietelRabbit
Less of the et al please
I certainly don't want to be lumped in with claims of calling the poster cunty or bragging about a termination.
I disagree with an element of their post and have clarified why I feel as I do but have not made such nasty attacks like that on the OP so don't be lumping 'anyone who disagrees with the OP' into a group who call people cunts.

Namechangedtoscream
I agree that the difference is huge.
It's why (to me) it's important to discus things in terms of biological fact. E.g. conceiving after unprotected sex isn't some super fertility thing. It's more likely that sperm met egg at the right time and isn't some sort of surprising outcome if anyone chooses to have unprotected sex.

For some women, they do have a fertility issue in that area and it sounds heartbreaking for you. But then they wouldn't take the approach of 'i had unprotected sex and i'm surprised i'm pregnant'. If that makes sense.

A woman said she had got pregnant when she thought it was unlikely, she felt she had to have a termination, was now too scared to have sex and has depression and anxiety.

You first accused her of posting on the pregnancy forum to wind people up. Then realising you were wrong and it was in AIBU and not apologising to OP (you said I thought this was in the pregnancy forum, my mistake) which is not an apology. You went on to say.

It's hardly an AIBU either. It's 'look at me being smug about super fertility which isn't super fertility at all. I was just too lazy to use contraception so had an abortion'.

If you are genuinely happy with what you said and think it was an appropriate response to a vulnerable ESPECIALLY considering that you went on and on and on later about the OPs wording being 'insensitive' and how she should have thought about the feelings of others, then there's not much else to say is there.

Someone chose not to use contraception and opted to have unprotected sex. If anyone doesn't want a baby and opts not to use contracrption then it is being too lazy to use contraception. If someone doesn't want to get pregnant then it doesn't matter how unlikely it is or whether you think it's just once or just twice, you use contraception. Want a baby or are open to having a baby, don't use contraception. Don't want a baby, use contraception.

The outcome was an abortion.

My hmm-ness is over the choice not to bother using contraception, not the subsequent abortion (as I said, I'm pro choice).

Still happy with yourself then? Okay I'm done now. See you on the education boards

Do you honestly think that there is some kind of counter that says it’s only by the 10th time of unprotected sec you get pregnant?

I don’t mean to be rude but do you understand how your cycle works? It’s not a build up of sperm over time, it’s one sperm from an ejaculation of millions at a time when there is an egg to fertilise.

I stand by my view that adults are responsible for their contraception choices.

If someone doesn't want a baby then they should use contraception.

If someone doesn't want a baby, has contraception failure then the morning after pill exists (unless it's a failure unknown until a missed period).

If someone doesn't want a baby and as unprotected sex then the morning after pill exists.

If someone chooses not to use contraception, opts not to get the morning after pill and conceives then that is a consequence of unprotected sex. It is not a surprising consequence.

It's hardly a revolutionary view. It is the basics of sex ed we do in schools. We aren't about to start telling our y11s 'use contraception preferably but if you've not got something to hand then it's fine, just withdraw and hope for the best'.

OP, you don't sound unusually fertile - you just don't seem to be using contraception properly. The statistics on how contraception prevents pregnancy are based on actually following the instructions - so you're not in the 2% of women who fall pregnant when using condoms. You're in the much larger group of women who fall pregnant when they don't use any contraception whatsoever.

Your DH chose to have unprotected sex with you, so either he is also ignorant of how babies are made, or he is relaxed about you falling pregnant. It sounds like getting pregnant right now would be a disaster for you, so if you do want to have sex, you need to have a conversation with him.

If you are unwilling to try hormonal contraception, he needs to understand that you are only prepared to have sex using condoms properly and this means no penis anywhere near your vagina unless it has a condom on it. Have you spoken to him about how the termination has affected you physically and mentally? Have you spoken to him about how he is feeling?

Any decent man will understand why you're anxious and how to help, if you sit down and have that conversation. An unplanned and unwanted pregnancy is a horrible situation for any woman.

If he doesn't understand why you're so anxious and that he needs to support you in this by putting a condom on before he enters you, then it's probably your women's intuition telling you never to sleep with him again because he doesn't deserve you. Chances are though that he will get it if you have that awkward conversation.

It would be nice if we knew everything about everything all the time, wouldn't it? You've had the facts pointed out to you now (albeit not in a particularly kind way by most posters); now you can go off and do something about it if you want to. I suggest the starting point is opening a line of communication with your DH.

pringlecat
Put much better than me.

pringlecat
Put much better than me

Maisie that’s possibly the biggest understatement on the thread.

FYI I, like many others didn’t have the sex Ed, which now appears to be on offer in schools. We were given a photocopy of a drawing of the inside of the uterus/fallopian tubes at secondary. And watched a video of a woman giving birth when we were about 10. That was it.

Mummyoflittledragon
My issue on here is the flippant lack of contraception and the explanation of pregnancy being to do with something special rather than 'unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy'.
As i said, there are multiple options if someone doesn't want a baby starting with using contraception and if you make a decision to have unprotected sex then there's the morning after pill. Not taking those optipns and explaining as super fertility hit a nerve because it's quite insensitive to take no responsibility for contraception and then act like conception is a surprise. (Put it this way, when i was worried a condom might have failed because I was very paranoid, the first thing I did was think 'morning after pill' because I don't want a baby. Wait and see wouldn't have entered my head)

We didn't get much either.
We had 'this is how sex works' and 'if you don't want a baby for the love of God use contraception'.

The posters who have had fertility problems are probably the most clued up on pregnancy on this thread, because many of them will have done their own detailed reading and consulted with several medical professionals. The OP clearly hasn't had the same level of education when it comes to getting pregnant. Yes, we all agree here using a condom part-way through sex is equivalent to not using a condom at all. The OP didn't know. She asked - now she knows too.

It's unfair to negatively judge someone for being ignorant when they have tried to correct that lack of knowledge by asking a question. We should always encourage the asking of questions and sharing of information - the way to win at life is in helping pull other people up rather than standing on them and enjoying being taller.

Kindness and empathy are wonderful things. I'm sure we've all done truly stupid things before that we're unwilling to publicly admit on this thread lest anyone judge us for them.

Incidentally, my sex ed at school was a video of a man taking off his dressing gown and a woman taking off her dressing gown. I'm not even sure if they were ever in the same frame... I don't remember anything else about the video other than the feeling of extreme embarrassment. My sex ed at home was a warning "don't have any babies". Frankly, it's a miracle I know anything about how babies are made.

I wish I could 👌 that post @pringlecat

Really nice.

Think @pringlecat has hit the nail on the head. Hopefully the Op has all the information she needs and hopefully that's the end of all the nastiness on here

No Maisy the “something special” is to do with your interpretation and filter, which is distorting the lense you’re looking through. Op asked a basic question to which you know the answer and she did not.

Had you asked the question, knowing full well it is possible to get pregnant prior to ejaculation, you would have would have been making an assumption your pregnancy was to do with “something special”.

Is it really so difficult for a teacher to understand that different people around the country have different levels of knowledge, education and awareness?

Hi
I had sex last saturday evening, and the condom split. I had no way on the sunday of getting the morning after pill so i went first thing on monday morning.
The pharmasist told me that the pill will be less effective on me because it was my ovulation day. She said to allow 2 days before and after ovulation day so the 5 days altogether is when you can concieve.
Ive taken the map and i havent had many side effects. I havent bled either. Im due on in 9 days so is is a case of waiting to see if i come on?
Im racking my brains waiting 😣 any advice given??

I have 4 dc including a set of twins. Fell pregnant with all of them as soon as I had unprotected sex, was 38 with last one.
I think it's fairly common tbh...

Your not super fertile your just fertile. I got pregnant both times first time trying. I'm not stupid so we use condoms unless we're trying to conceive because if we don't use one I get pregnant (both times planned but you see the point)