Can someone be too fertile?

[ByTheBlueBay]

I was on the pill for 6 years before I came off it. We conceived DD when we didn't use a condom once. Literally, once. I know once is all it takes but it was a shock.

Anyway since having DD we always used a condom. However it wasn't used straight away, there'd be a few pumps first (TMI). We'd only have sex once a month or so but I still managed to fall pregnant on DH's precum.

Am I super fertile? I had a termination and we haven't had sex since. I'm too scared. I'm considering the implant but I'm not sure how the hormones will affect me with depression and anxiety.

But people weren't complaining about her having used the term incorrectly (a term which most people also hadn't heard of) until later in the thread. People were complaining that she got pregnant easily, some people can't and her talking about that on AIBU on a massive forum was insensitive or offensive.

It's that I disagree with and it is only ever suggested about infertility, no other life struggle. And I think that's strange and I think it's wrong and I don't think it does any favours for any party involved.

It's why people get upset in RL about pregnant people announcing it on FB or something and that being 'insensitive' to the family member or friend that can't have a baby. Or why the pregnant friend avoids telling the friend because they don't want to upset them and then they feel worse because they had been treated differently and left out. The idea that you must walk on eggshells around someone struggling with infertility and change your language or behaviour just causes so much damage.

HarveyKietelRabbit
I thought i was in the pregnancy forum, hence being a bit , and when someone pointed out to me it wasn't, I appologised for that (like pages ago just after my post) and said I still think it's factually wrong and tactless, which I do.

We'll have to agree to disagree then because I don't think I'll ever understand why it would be tactless. I hope you get your wish fulfilled soon

And several of us on this thread have been 'through' what cats has said she's been through and therefore DO know what she is talking about and still don't think it's appropriate to be as rude, aggressive and she has been. There's no excusing the rudeness that the OP has faced regardless of personal circumstances. Believe me, I've had this moan. But I had it on the miscarriage board not at someone who asked a question on AIBU.

@HarveyKietelRabbit for what it's worth, I am in total agreement with you.

Maisy
You were unjustly targeted and on the receiving end of some self righteous parents on a recent education threads. Now you’re doing the and to the op. Have you forgotten how that feels?

Yes it’s rubbish to be 18 months in on TTc. I really think you’re losing perspective when you’re far more level headed on other threads. I saw women going through ivf at the same time as me also losing perspective, driving themselves crazy and in need of therapy. I really think you need to take a step back for your own mental health.

The op asked a question about her fertility. She didn’t state any facts because she simply didn’t know any. Idk what you’re hoping to achieve by thrashing the same point over and over again apart from shouting your anger to the world. Op can’t retrospectively make her a question more palatable to you, struggling with fertility anymore that you can change your circumstances.

kirinm 🤗 I've seen long standing friendships destroyed by this very issue and it is so unecessary and as I keep saying, it only ever happens around infertility and no other life struggle.

It can @HarveyKietelRabbit - I had some real issues in agreeing to see my SILs who both had babies recently and very easily. DP couldn't understand it and I knew I was just horribly jealous and whilst understandable, it isn't an easy way to live.

HarveyKietelRabbit
For me it's just the sort of throwaway comment that could cause upset because it's a bit i got pregnant because i am superfertile when the reality is i got pregnant because i had unprotected sex. It places the onus of getting pregnant on some a factual inaccuracy which annoys me and sounds a bit 'wow what a surprise. There must be something special about me' rather than the boring fact of 'no contraception = chance of pregnancy'.

But i also feel that way when people say they had missed pills and had a 'surprise' pregnancy. It's not a surprise. You didn't use contraception properly. No contraception = chance of pregnancy

I'm not a misery guts who thinks nobody should talk about pregnancies. Someone who's TTC and conceives quickly saying 'we're surprised we managed it first month' doesn't bother me. Neither do jokes about DH just looking at me and we have a baby. But thry don't annoy me because they're not based on the idea of 'oh gosh i didn't use contraception and now i'm pregnant. What a shocker. Who'd have thought? It's a surprise baby. What a lovely surprise'. Argh. It's not a surprise.

I hope that better explains my frustration. But we probably will have to agree to disagree.

But @MaisyPops the OP only asked the question. She hasn't insisted that she's super fertile. It's the rest of the posters that piled on and started using wording like 'hyper fertility'. It's clear to me that the OP didn't know that super fertility is a condition much less its consequences (I didn't know either and have been treated for recurrent miscarriages so it's not like I'm completely unaware of fertility issues). I honestly don't think there was anything other than perhaps a lack of knowledge behind the question certainly no malice.

Maisy - you've been trying ti conceive for 18 months? So probably tracking ovulation, checking mucus, taking temperatures, spacing out sex, maybe lying down with a pillow under your bum or whatever? So conceiving can be quite a complicated business and you know that better than most? Egg and sperm quality matters, age, weight etc etc Yes it's a sperm meets egg situation but loads of people without being
infertile try for months and months shagging like rabbits.

The OP had sex one time and he didn't ejaculate inside her. She wasn't saying oh I don't understand how I got pregnant. She knew how she got pregnant. She was saying that surely the odds were stacked against it happening so she wondered why that was. She wasn't being insensitive and she definitely wasn't bragging as she said she felt she'd had to go through the trauma of a termination and has depression and anxiety and now feels too scared to have sex.

kirinm
I'm not ascribing malice. Just that on reflection it was probably crap wording.
HarveyKietelRabbit
Not doing all of that stuff, no. But we are on 18 months (some months in thay have been write offs because DH has been away etc) Aware of CM because we looked into natural family planning a few years back but I don't really want to go down the obsessively tracking route (I left a job because of stress and the impact on my health so there's no way i'm going to stress myself out over this).
I know it's not always simple and I've not downplayed any of the other issues in her post. I just feel like it was poor phrasing and read to me a bit i must be super fertile.

Op has mentioned she is worried about depression, so don’t make things more difficult for her. If you have fertility problems this is NOT your thread. OP has not asked posted on your threads about her fertility so don’t come and post on hers about your lack of, it goes both ways.

Hormonal implants are not for everyone, I’m one of those who can get on wild mood swings on them. The copper coil has been the answer for me, yeah you get a couple of extra days menstruating but I, my family, the world and my dog will take that over the swings 100 times.

Even if the OP had said 'I must be the most fertile person in the world, my DP came in a sock and I touched it and had triplets' it makes NO difference at all to the infertility of other people and is not insensitive or offensive on an open anonymous internet forum.

If she worked in an office and was saying that to her colleague who can't have a baby then yes, maybe. But on an internet forum full of strangers? Who can quickly read the OP and click off it if they don't like it?

No, it isn't offensive or insensitive.

The same as it isn't insensitive on a forum to post that you earn a 6 figure salary when other people are earning 15 grand. Or to say that you don't know which handbag to buy for hundreds of pounds when some people have only a fiver to feed their kids this week. Or that you find it hard to put weight on when others are struggling to lose it. Or any number of things.

Whenever there are statistics about failure rates with different contraceptives I was always a bit puzzled by the 'typical use' rates for condoms as opposed to 'perfect use' as condoms are fairly simple to use. After this thread I'm guessing typical use includes those people who put them on part way through!

on reflection it was probably crap wording. A bit like some of your posts perhaps? Especially your first post on this thread. Your posts have projection written all over them. I’ve said I think you should step away from the thread. Clearly you’re not interested in anyone’s mental health. Including your own.

Mummy - much respect btw for your very early post basically saying 'yep I'm pissed off you find it easy and I didn't but of course you can ask a question on MN'.

Self-aware and honest. Not saying 'well of course I don't care if you find it easy, it's the tone/wording/lack of knowledge that is pissing me off.

I’m not pissed off she finds it easy. I find it easy. I’m pissed off at the ignorance and lack of concern.

I mean I wouldn’t go to the people who find it hard to conceive and comment that I seem to get pregnant pretty much bi monthly. Similarly, people talking about hyper fertility without actually knowing what that means for people who have it is annoying to me.

That's the point of this forum though isn't it? That people ask about what they don't understand. Like you have on your other threads.

'I mean I wouldn’t go to the people who find it hard to conceive and comment that I seem to get pregnant pretty much bi monthly'

She didn't 'go' to ANYONE. She asked a question on an internet forum designed for people to ask questions and chat.

I understand that asking questions is fine, but surely once pointed out, she could’ve apologised for what she said.

If someone said to me “that’s really upset me actually, it reminded me of a really difficult time” id apologise, regardless of how minuscule it seemed to me.

Neither I nor anyone else was “aggressive” initially. I got a bit frustrated at having to type the same thing over and over but originally no one was.

Why should she or anyone apologise to you? She didn't specifically ask you a question and she didn't ask it on a topic that has anything to do with pregnancy / miscarriage or babies. I certainly wouldn't be apologising.

Can no-one ever mention their sisters as my sister died when I was younger and it upsets me.

Do you not see how ridiculous that is?

No, but if someone said something that you personally found insensitive and you TOLD THEM that you found it insensitive, the polite thing is to say sorry not argue the toss.

No. The polite thing is for you not to barge in on someone else's conversation and tell them you're offended. And tell them they're being cunty when unsurprisingly they don't profusely apologise.