Can someone be too fertile?

[ByTheBlueBay]

I was on the pill for 6 years before I came off it. We conceived DD when we didn't use a condom once. Literally, once. I know once is all it takes but it was a shock.

Anyway since having DD we always used a condom. However it wasn't used straight away, there'd be a few pumps first (TMI). We'd only have sex once a month or so but I still managed to fall pregnant on DH's precum.

Am I super fertile? I had a termination and we haven't had sex since. I'm too scared. I'm considering the implant but I'm not sure how the hormones will affect me with depression and anxiety.

LOL After my 4th my Dad asked if I'd consider shaking hands with DH at bedtime

The OP didn't use offensive language in any way and has nothing to apologise for or be 'more mindful' of.

This strange idea that people need to change their language or behaviour to protect the sensitivities of women struggling with fertility isn't right and it is ONLY ever suggested about infertility.

She asked a question. On an internet forum. Using non offensive language. That's not insensitive. Dancing round with scan pictures while there is a woman in your office struggling to conceive could perhaps be insensitive. Not this OP.

If you feel people should not ask questions on the internet using completely normal language because you project your own problems onto it and it upsets you, perhaps the internet isn't the best place for you to be.

It’s upsetting when people don’t understand mental health. It’s more uosetting to lose babies and have someone then post this stupid fucking thread.

I find threads where people lovingly talk about their parents make me upset and resentful, as my own childhood was not a happy one. So when I see threads of parental appreciation, I fucking ignore them because I'm not a masochist.

The fact is other people don't deserve to have their experiences invalidated, or be put on a guilt trip because I wasn't as lucky as they were growing up. Their lovely parents are in no way responsible for the failings of my own.

I was on the pill for 6 years before I came off it. We conceived DD when we didn't use a condom once. Literally, once. I know once is all it takes but it was a shock.

Anyway since having DD we always used a condom. However it wasn't used straight away, there'd be a few pumps first (TMI). We'd only have sex once a month or so but I still managed to fall pregnant on DH's precum.

Am I super fertile? I had a termination and we haven't had sex since. I'm too scared. I'm considering the implant but I'm not sure how the hormones will affect me with depression and anxiety.

That's the OP. Nothing offensive or insensitive. Nothing.

What is wrong with someone starting a thread in AIBU about thinking they might be super fertile ( as silly as it may or not sound?) Had the op gone onto someone's thread about struggling to conceive saying how fertile she is then that would be a problem.

If you're struggling with infertility then why click on a thread about being fertile other than to make yourself offended? 🤔 It seems like a really silly to do.

I think the reason people assume you can't get pregnant if the guy hasn't actually cum inside you is because they don't realise pre-cum can get you pregnant also or they don't realise pre-cum is even a thing that happens. Every day is a school day and all that..

HarveyKietelRabbit - I agree with every one of your posts.

There was nothing offensive about the OP at all. I'd hazard a guess that most women who aren't trying to conceive don't know the ins and outs of their bodies. We spend our teens being told that sex at any time can/will lead to pregnancy. Well that's crap isn't it?

I fell pregnant with DS1 the only time we didn't use protection. I had NO idea that each time you have unprotected sex, there is only approximately 25% of an egg being fertilised, so you can imagine my surprise and frustration when I didn't get pregnant with DS2 immediately after we decided to TTC.

This entire thread boils down to the OP being shouted out for terminology. That's it. Which makes it incredibly pathetic.

Thanks Stroke. Yes, generally only people struggling with fertility know all the ins and outs and it's not offensive if not everyone does.

I know diagnostic criteria for psychiatric disorders inside and out.

There are threads all the time on MN saying does this sound like bi-polar/OCD/PTSD/ADHD/PD and the majority of the time the answer is no from me. And sometimes I post but usually don't bother.

Cats I think had her own thread recently querying whether she has PTSD which I think is entirely likely. But it shows that she needed advice about something she doesn't fully understand or have a lot of knowledge about.

But would it have been okay for me or anyone to go onto any thread (and there are many) querying psychiatric problems and say 'no this isn't OCD (for example) and follow it with grow up, how could you not know this?, this is really insensitive to people who actually have OCD, I thought this thread was an actual problem, you not having OCD is rubbing it in the face of people who do, your ignorance is shocking, your wording and tone is insensitive to people who actually have OCD and are struggling, I think it's shocking that anyone even needs to ask.

No it wouldn't.

I'll be honest. I didn't know that you could get pregnant from pre cum either

The 'only' 25% chance is considered a huge risk in many other contexts. I've been at both ends of this - getting pregnant first month of trying several times (and it's possible that the hyperfertility thing played a role in some of my mcs - so I also assumed the thread might be about that and first came on to advise) and going a year with no luck. The idea that it can't, or rather won't, happen if sex is had without contraception once is akin to the idea that you won't get a 6 if you throw a dice once. It's illogical and tbh a little superstitious. What I think Maisy was responding to was the illogicality in that combined with the idea that that has to mean one is 'too fertile'. The OP doesn't need to be scared to have sex, she just needs to use decent contraception, properly.

And FWIW I didn't find the OP 'offensive', but I'm not keen on the piling on Maisy.

Nobody piled on Maisy. Lots of people disagreed but I can't see piling.

No-one piled on Cats either. People disagreed and explained why and she became more offensive and aggressive but nobody responsed to her in the way she'd responsed to the OP though it could easily be said that she warranted it more than the OP.

I dunno, if I were Maisy (and Cats for that matter, though I do agree with you about her becoming aggressive and offensive) I'd be feeling pretty beleagured. I'm not necessarily agreeing with everything they've said, just saying that I think I know where it comes from.

Well if they do feel beleaguered, it’s a feeling of their own making. I don’t see anyone piling on either of them.

I don’t feel upset as such, I just find it interesting the sympathy lies with OP rather than Maisie and I. OP has had, at worst, a few people online say she’s been an idiot. That is nothing close to what I’ve gone through and is nothing compared to what Maisie is struggling with being over 12 months ttc.

Whether others think it’s insensitive or not, if people who ARE suffering say they think it is, the polite thing to do would’ve been to apologise. Even if OP thinks we are being over sensitive, surely knowing where we are coming from, that wouldn’tve hurt.

I don’t want one now, as I said, however I hope OP does think to be careful with this topic.

This isn't sympathy top trumps @TheCatsPaws. Is sounds like it is you who needs to grow up.

Oh leave off her @op. I actually agree with her last post. I didn’t find your op offensive either, but some of your responses to @thecats are a little less than gracious.

OP lmao okay. You genuinely don’t see why what you said was offensive, do you? You had it explained several times, by people nicer than I.

Like if someone told me something I’d said offended them because it reminded them of a traumatic experience or upsetting time, I would shut up and apologise. Not argue the toss, no matter how minor it was to me.

Only read about 1/3 way down and I suspect this thread has turned into a bun fight and gone off on tangents...

Anyway OP your use of the word "super fertile" is a little ignorant shall we say.

"Super fertility" is a real thing as previous posters have said. It results in recurrent miscarriage. It's very distressing.

If anyone is interested in finding out more this is a useful study

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3405140/#!po=29.8913

TheCatsPaws
Some posters including myself sent you our sympathies despite not agreeing with you. You didn’t acknowledge my post, I don’t remember if you acknowledged any of the others. So please don’t say it’s all one sided. I also cannot believe you are back to minimising the nastiness in some of your posts. As I said if you wish to elicit an apology from the op, you should go first but it would appear you would rather continue to argue. If op is starting to become a little disgracious it is because you are continuing to attack her despite she having previously said she didn’t mean to cause offence.

I don’t feel upset as such

Your other comments on this thread point to completely the opposite reaction. Your posts have been far more aggressive than the OPs, despite her acknowledgement that she perhaps had used the wrong language.

I don't understand why you keep returning to the thread. This is the OP's thread, you don't have to keep coming back to it!

Life doesn't work like that, one person's suffering doesn't trump another person's because we all cope differently with different things. I and other posters have said that we understand that you are hurting etc but you never acknowledge this. I hope you get some help with your feelings because if you carry on being so angry with the world it could really harm you.

Whist sat down to read the thread properly (I'm 5 hours behind the uk)....

Wowsas!!!!! Thecats and maisie Jesus people have really missed the point here haven't they?

Fwiw I agree with what you're both saying about the tone of the OPs post. I genuinely don't think she intended to cause any offense with her wording (although using the word super fertile in the context of her situation is tactless and ignorant and I think the gracious thing would have been to say sorry for the unintended offense when it had been pointed out)....

I also don't see thecats posts as being grossly offensive - you can tell she is becoming increasingly frustrated and I can empathize with her position after what she's said she's been through. For your own peace it's probably better to hide the thread now cats, go outside and take some deep breaths and try to forget about it.

Hopefully people reading this will have learnt some things:
If a penis goes in a vagina and no contraception is used, you can get pregnant.
Preejactulatory fluid co rains active semen
Hyper/super fertility is a real condition where ones endometrium is super receptive and unable to distinguish between low and high quality fertilized eggs. Symptoms are short time to conception and recurrent miscarriage

OP if you're still reading you need to contact the department where you had your termination. You should not be waking up soaked through with blood 6 weeks later. You need to be rescanned to check for retained placenta/tissues

to anyone affected by infertility, sub fertility and hyper fertility. Fertility issues are a special type of shite that I don't think anyone whose not been through it can understand

It's possible to understand and also think that doesn't mean that people can't ask a genuine question on an open website in a non-infertility forum.

Someone falling pregnant easily or having a pregnancy they do not feel able to continue with or even just don't want to proceed with isn't offensive or insensitive or 'rubbing it in the faces' of those that are struggling to conceive or maintain a pregnancy.

Absofrigginlootly
People have chosen to miss the point on what i've said.
Penis goes in vagina without contraception = chance of pregnancy
Explaining an unplanned pregnancy due to no contraception as a surprise due to superfertility is tactless and naive and quite frustrating (see also teenagers claiming their pregnancy was a surprise because 'we only had sex once', but they are kids.)
Conception isn't a tally chart thing where 'just once and you'll be fine' is a thing. It takes one sperm at the right time. Conceiving without contraception isn't a miracle.
E.g. if DH and I had sex once in 6 months and I got pregnant, it wouldn't be a surprise, nor would it mean I am super fertile. It would just mean that the one time we did have unprotected sex over a number of months happened to be at the right time. Nothing more. Nothing less. If i explained the pregnancy as my own brilliant fertility it would be factually wrong and tactless