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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can someone be too fertile?

418 replies

ByTheBlueBay · 14/02/2018 12:13

I was on the pill for 6 years before I came off it. We conceived DD when we didn't use a condom once. Literally, once. I know once is all it takes but it was a shock.

Anyway since having DD we always used a condom. However it wasn't used straight away, there'd be a few pumps first (TMI). We'd only have sex once a month or so but I still managed to fall pregnant on DH's precum.

Am I super fertile? I had a termination and we haven't had sex since. I'm too scared. I'm considering the implant but I'm not sure how the hormones will affect me with depression and anxiety.

OP posts:
TheCatsPaws · 16/02/2018 12:14

Kirin

Maisie and I have been quite reasonable in explaining why offence was caused. The exasperation you are seeing is because we are having to repeatedly explain it.

kirinm · 16/02/2018 12:31

Maisy, I got pregnant after having sex once in December. As far as my cycle was concerned, I wasn't going to ovulate for another 4-5 days. To my surprise, I found out I was pregnant. Hand on heart, I said to DP, I must be really fertile or he had super sperm. The fact that I'm still pregnant at nearly 12w is a huge surprise. So I used the word fertile or super sperm. At the age of nearly 40 I was genuinely surprised I was pregnant so quickly. Me wondering if maybe I am actually quite fertile or DP has super sperm doesn't make me insensitive or stupid. I'm fully aware that having unprotected sex is the way to get pregnant but most people are surprised if they manage to get pregnant quickly. I don't think the OP meant anything more than I did by using those terms.

HarveyKietelRabbit · 16/02/2018 12:34

You were not reasonable AT ALL.

You said she should 'grow up, is childish, bragging about getting pregnant easily, you thought this thread would be about a 'real problem', that she didn't have to have an abortion (tip - you don't get to tell another woman what they did or didn't have to do) and was 'rubbing it in peoples faces' 'cunty'.

Now you've said she's bragging about having a termination?! How dare you! And you are being incredibly aggressive.

You also said 'to be fair I use the withdrawal method' which made you look even more ridiculous in the way you have attacked the OP.

Next time you have a thread on MN asking for sympathy, advice and support (you've had quite a few threads like that yes?) I hope no-one acts in the way you have here.

TheCatsPaws · 16/02/2018 12:41

Next time you have a thread on MN asking for sympathy, advice and support (you've had quite a few threads like that yes?) I hope no-one acts in the way you have here.

Yes and I had someone saying if I died of sepsis due to missing a drs appointment (due to weather meaning a road was stuck) it was my own fault, I didn’t scream bloody murder or moan about it.

Why is that ridiculous? I use it in full knowledge of the risks.

NotASingleFuckToGive · 16/02/2018 12:51

I'm baffled why anybody suffering the pain of infertility would click on a thread asking "Can someone be too fertile?", in the first place? It sounds very masochistic.

DS was non-verbal until he was nearly 6. I avoided all the "Funny things your kids say" threads then. Because what would have been lighthearted, funny read for everyone else would have been self-flaggellation for me.

Why do that to yourself?

Dobbythesockelf · 16/02/2018 12:52

I read that thread no one said that. And you did have a go at people that didn't agree with your point repeatedly. Your not in a good place right now and that's fine by it is unfair to take that out on other people.

NotASingleFuckToGive · 16/02/2018 12:53

That said, some people do go looking to be offended.

TheCatsPaws · 16/02/2018 12:56

Not

I said this before as have other posters but, I assumed the thread was about women who conceive quickly but lose them (super fertility that’s associated with recurrent loss). Other wise, what exactly is she “too fertile” for?

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 16/02/2018 13:04

I can see where Maisy is coming from. It's the combination of what must surely, in this day and age, be wilful ignorance about the withdrawal 'method' (I wish people wouldn't call it a 'method', it really, really isn't one - and honestly, I thought the whole 'you can't get pregnant if he doesn't ejaculate' was about on a level with 'you can't get pregnant if you do it standing up') and the 'oops, pregnant again!' tone that's irritating and a bit galling for anyone struggling with conceiving or retaining a pregnancy. (Declaration of interest: I have had recurrent mc but also three children and am now done having babies so no longer have a dog in this fight). I didn't read Maisy as saying nobody's allowed to talk about conceiving easily or termination. Just that a little bit of consideration as regards tone and thread title might have been nice.

Original poster
ByTheBlueBay · 16/02/2018 13:25

Jesus Christ cats get some therapy and work on your own issues. You sound like you need it.

OP posts:
TheCatsPaws · 16/02/2018 13:32

OP, thanks for the consideration you’ve shown towards myself and other posters who told you we found this thread uosetting.

kirinm · 16/02/2018 13:41

Cats - you don't deserve any. You've certainly given no fucks about saying what you like about the OP.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/02/2018 13:43

AnElderlyLady
I don’t think the op should have had more consideration on writing the thread title. I don’t think it even entered her head the post was offensive. It would appear her knowledge of fertility is relatively limited. How can op be expected to know what she simply doesn’t know? It once again comes back to expecting people to act how you act or know what you know. The key word here is education.

My friend also got pregnant after having sex one time while ttc. She was surprised. My grandmother also conceived each time she had unprotected sex. I would assume both women to be more fertile than the average and I know my grandmother considered herself too fertile as she even got pregnant without actual sex. But from sperm on her leg/outside of her vagina.

All in all, I don't find the op problematic. And I see a massive amount of projection.

TrueBlueYorkshire · 16/02/2018 13:44

Yes OP you are one of the lucky super fertile women who can get pregnant from unprotected penetration.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/02/2018 13:47

Cats
I’ve been your age. And I’ve been a very, unhappy, young woman, who spat anger at the world, when no malice was intended. I’m now double your age. And have mellowed nicely. I’ve had a lot of therapy. I really can recommend therapy. It’s nourishing for the soul. For your own mental health, I suggest you now hide the thread. Flowers

Rachie1973 · 16/02/2018 13:52

You had unprotected sex and you got pregnant.

Its not super fertile..... its just the facts of life. To be honest you could do with some reminder lessons on that btw.

MaisyPops · 16/02/2018 14:00

My friend also got pregnant after having sex one time while ttc. She was surprised
There's surprise as in "wow. That was quicker than I'd expect" and surprise as in 'i had unprotected sex who'd have thought I could get pregnant'. The former sounds like your friend. The latter is just silly.

One of my friends seems to be able to conceive quickly. She says her DH justbhas to look at her. Grin With baby #1 she joked that she was banking on a few months of trying. It was a surprise it happened so quickly but not surprised that she got pregnant not using protection if that makes sense.

Rachie1973 · 16/02/2018 14:03

MaisyPops

One of my friends seems to be able to conceive quickly. She says her DH justbhas to look at her. With baby #1 she joked that she was banking on a few months of trying

LOL After my 4th my Dad asked if I'd consider shaking hands with DH at bedtime.

FlightStrike · 16/02/2018 14:08

It’s upsetting when people don’t understand mental health. It’s more uosetting to lose babies and have someone then post this stupid fucking thread.

It's more upsetting to /you/, and the reason it's upsetting is that it is having a bad effect on your mental health.

You object to the OP expressing that she felt she had to have a termination rather than choosing one. However almost all terminations, including the examples you gave, are choices. There are women who choose not to abort babies who are unlikely to survive and who choose to forego chemotherapy in order to continue a pregnancy. Your insistence that she say she "chose" rather than "had" to have an abortion reveals only that you have decided her circumstances (despite knowing little about them) aren't worthy of your sympathy.

Your insistence that she is bragging about her fertility and termination likewise show more about your assumptions (because she didn't express herself in a way you found sympathetic) than the actual emotions she is expressing.

We can disagree about whether it makes her naive or stupid (personally I don't think misjudging the efficacy of the withdrawal method is worthy of quite the scorn displayed on this thread) but the OP is clearly distressed by her circumstances and currently too scared to be intimate with her partner. That is in no way a brag.

Isadora666 · 16/02/2018 14:17

I find it frightening that in 2018 there are grown women who don't know that semen in your vagina may result in a pregnant. Clearly our education system is failing somewhere.

ColaCube22 · 16/02/2018 14:19

thecatspaws

Are you not even angrier, more upset and pissed off than if you had just read it, shrugged it off and moved on? It's clear the vast majority of responses to the thread are in disagreement that it's insensitive and offensive.
I don't see what you want from this, a grovelling apology from the OP?
She wasn't even aware that being super fertile was a thing, she was asking under AIBU...as in Am i being unreasonable to think that there is such a thing. I'm 33 and had no clue about this even though we have really struggled and had discussions with women that have been unable to carry a pregnancy to term even though getting pregnant was not an issue, not once did they mention this.

What you have gone through it terrible, truly awful and it's heartbreaking...I hope you get the answers as to why it's happening and that they can stop you suffering anymore heartache.

TheCatsPaws · 16/02/2018 14:21

Perhaps I was blunt and insensitive in my wording too, and no, I don’t want an apology from the OP. A “didn’t realise, I’ll be a bit more mindful in the future” wouldn’t be unappreciated though.

ColaCube22 · 16/02/2018 14:25

Well I think maybe you hadn't gone in

ColaCube22 · 16/02/2018 14:28

Sorry I hit post...
Gone in with such a hostile sounding post then maybe she might have

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/02/2018 14:35

Maisy
Those comments exactly described how op reacted when she got pregnant with her dd. Having had one termination, she doesn’t want another pregnancy or termination and right now is very sensibly abstaining from sex. As a result, she asked a question about her fertility to the very intelligent and knowledgable mumsnet community. Where some see a woman being stupid and inconsiderate, I see a woman, who doesn’t want to make another mistake.

Cats
If you want that, I think you need to go first.