To be absolutely devastated/disgusted by this?

[fulltimeworkingmotherof4]

My little sister died 8 months ago. She was 33. I’ve posted before about her DH moving on quickly, but I’ve just found out he’s having a baby with his new gf, they’ve been together 6 months and she’s 2 months pregnant. It was announced on social media and of course me and my family were blocked from seeing it but word soon gets around.
I’m still massively struggling with loosing her, even tho she suffered from a long term illness. I never expected him to be on his own forever but I feel this takes the piss. AIBU to not be impressed?
He’s totally cut our family out of his life including my DN (my sisters son) he’s not his bio dad but was a big part of his life. He’s 10 and has all our love, lives with his bio dad but how can you just do that? When she died he said he’d still see him etc but literally nothing. He was on dating sites 2 weeks after her funeral. I’m just so angry 😡

www.abelkeogh.com/blog/widower/widower-wednesday/why-do-widowers-start-new-relationships-so-quickly Have a read, I think betrayed is a useful word

Sorry for your loss 💐

I agree with those who believe that his marriage must have been very happy, and that he is seeking to replicate it. The two men I know who have moved on rapidly were devoted to their late wives (my ex's uncle was one of them, a lovely man who was widowed one Christmas at the age of 55ish and was on holiday with a new serious partner in April).

I think the pregnancy is a bit quick but I'd say that about any couple who'd been together for only 6 months when the woman got pregnant.

A friend of mine died of cancer a few years ago. I'd never really liked her husband before she became ill, but I have to say he was fantastic and supportive during her illness. Within a couple of months of her dying he met someone else, and within another month he had moved the woman into the family home (which had been my friend's family's home). It was a bit of a shock for us, but he did take her closest friend aside and explain that he had loved our friend so much, but that he had started his grieving from the moment she was deemed to be terminally ill, and come to terms with it by her funeral.

Another friend's husband married someone else within a year, which shocked and upset her family. A lot of people thought he'd been having an affair, but I'm not sure. I think some people can't sit and grieve on their own and need to move on. It's pretty un understandable for those of us that need time, but I guess each to their own. I can't imagine moving on quickly if I lost my husband, but equally if I died I'd feel happier knowing he was happy and loved without me rather than thinking of him sitting lonely and grieving.

My little sister's best friend's mother died of cancer, slowly over a long period of time. Her husband went on a fucking date the night after the funeral. Just have some fucking respect for everyone else's grief and loss and wait 10 minutes to get your dick wet.

Some harsh comments here.

I wouldn't judge.

I left my terminally ill husband.

he did take her closest friend aside and explain that he had loved our friend so much, but that he had started his grieving from the moment she was deemed to be terminally ill, and come to terms with it by her funeral

This was my experience when my mother died, actually.

People cope in deferent ways.
When my husband died, I slept with many men soon after. I was lovely and hurting and having sex made me feel not so alone and made me feel wanted again. Sometimes I would close my eyes and think of him.
I know this not the healthy way to do that but people do crazy things.

Lonely*

I do feel I have lost my DF as well as my DM. I now have no parental relationship. DF shows little interest in me or my DC, it’s all about his gf now. It’s very hard.

Standard, I don’t see why you shouldn’t. Whatever makes you feel better.

It must be scary being widowed, especially so relatively young. Maybe he just couldn't cope with being alone because he'd then be thinking about his late wife and maybe his stepson reminds him of that relationship.

OP I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister

For all the rationale of needing someone to replace the gap etc, I can't really understand how someone could replace someone you loved so quickly. I haven't experienced bereavement of a partner but when I've really loved someone I can't really comprehend falling in love with someone else again so quickly.

YANBU to be upset about this.

What was he like towards your DS when they were together? If he was nice then perhaps this is grief taking over, some people cannot cope with being alone when they have been in a wonderful relationship.

If he was awful to her when she was with him then really, he has just not changed.

I am hoping it is the former. Give it time

So hard for you Op.
Your poor poor nephew. Perhaps it's hard for this man to be near his step son as it reminds him of his mother. Hope he sorts this out with a bit of time.

OP I am sorry for your loss.

Being angry at this man won't help though.

It is natural to feel that way but I don't think he deserves for anger to be directed at him. Your sister has gone. He has lost a wife and must get on with his life as he sees fit.

Partners are often the only source of emotional support for men. When they lose that and are going through terrible times, they look for it in a new woman.

I think the relationship with her son is bound to be difficult. Is his dad happy to facilitate that?

I feel sad for the little boy. Does he live with his father now?

My dad had moved in new gf 7 months after my mum died. He didnt think we (me and dsis) had any right to know (we knew of her as he brought her to meal 5 months after her death with no warning) and we found out when we went round to collect some stuff when he was out, hed asked us to get some of mums bits so could have warned us but nope. I cant tell you how heartbreaking it was to see some other woman's things in my mums places such as her wardrobe, her bedside table, toothbrush holder. This was our family home so had a lifetime of memories of her in the house. She was even using some of her left over chanel perfume as it was "too expensive to bin". He didn't see why we had any right as we 'were not children anymore'. On mothers day he invited us to a family meal for his new gf and her mother and thought we were being difficult when we declined.

It makes your loved one seem replaced like they meant nothing.

Oh eatalot that’s exactly how I feel. I feel so sad for my mum and her memory. I think she’d be so embarrassed by his behaviour.

It's all very odd but people are cery selfish and think of themselves whenit comes to dating, love and sex.

It is horrid for the adult children but we are supposed to get on with it.

very even

so basically people should not move on with their life if the partner dies? would you be so judgemental if they had simply broken up and went their seperate ways? (i bloody doubt it)

People on here who are just judgemental how about you work in their shoes HOW dare you think your grief is more important that THEIR grief.

My ex-husbad died suddenly at the grand old age of 25 of a heart attack it was so sudden my life had basically come to a grinding halt my whole world was ripped out from underneth me and i love how some people call me pathetic because i met my current husband 7 months after my first ones death.

It was not that i could not be alone at all but that i needed something to fill the giant hole in my life from were my love of my life had previously been NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO JUDGE OTHER PEOPLES GRIEF unless you have experenced a direct paralle aka your husband / girlfriend / significant other has died.

Not many people would judge someone moving on within a year if someone had simply broken up but why is the more permanent break up mean they need to have their life on hold until such a time it would be respectful for other peoples grief who grief is no more important then their's.

Should i have waited 1,2 5 10 years before i can move on with my life or should i be dictated to in how i deal with MY grief at losing my life partner is now considered less then a loss of a sibling or a friend.

I am sorry but you are so massivaly unreasonable to think people are perfectitic for needing to move on with their lives in less then a year.

I just dont think that going off with another so soon after death is dealing with grief. It dosnt seem respectful to that person's memory.
It is an elastplast.

I do think that men or women who cannot live without someone else for more than a few months do need to man up a bit tbh.

I lived alone for years...was wonderful although im very gappy now.

I think if people do cop off with anothef so soon after death they should avoid rubbing families face in it and vear in mind that not everyone will be as chuffed as you are.

My dad had no idea that we were upset. Had no idea at all why we were a bit weird with him.

typos agggrrr!

elastoplast even!