Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider telling everyone the truth

247 replies

Choc0lat · 13/02/2018 13:59

Afternoon. I'm posting because I'm completely exhausted with feeling the way I do about my DB and having to keep quiet about this situation. I can't go into every little detail as I don't want to be outed on here but here goes. I have two brothers, one older and one younger. The younger one and I get on really well but my older db is a complete nightmare and even more so since he met his wife to be. My db is obsessive by nature, extremely money driven and is all me me me. He pretends to care about other people and will do things for people but it's easy to see that he resents it and it's all an act.

So, just before Christmas he announced to the family that he and his partner had come into a fairly substantial amount of money. He claimed his girlfriend had won it online playing bingo and no one thought anymore of it. We congratulated them both and as expected got on with our own lives. However there were a few things that weren't adding up when I thought about it and occasionally they'd act cagey but again, i never thought any more of it.

That was until a few days ago my partner was in the pub having a drink with a friend after work and a mutual friend of his and my brothers came over and asked for a word. This man is a long trusted friend and friend of the family and he said he had something important to tell my partner. He told him that my db and his girlfriend didn't win a penny online and that the money came from somewhere else. I can't say were exactly but let's just say it's not legal. My dp told me about this when he got back home and I have thought of nothing else since.

Like I said I completely trust this person and whilst I love my db I can't say I trust him in the same way as I know him though and through and he is relentless, driven and will stop at nothing to get what he wants no matter who gets hurt or how risky it is. Now I'm wondering what do I do with this information.

I felt pure disgust and anger when I found out and feel that my db is a complete disgrace. What he has done is incredibly risky, immoral and even more so when you factor in the they have a young baby that needs taking care of. What gets me is that he goes around pretending he's perfect, he judges me on my life when I don't hurt anyone, will do anything for my friends and family and usually keep my nose out of other people's business.

I know he didn't have to but he hasn't provided any proof that he and his girlfriend won this money and knowing him the way I do I'm pretty certain what has been said about him is true. If it were me who had come into such an amount of money I wouldn't be telling all and sundry but I'd no doubt show my parents, friends and family the cheque I'd received or a picture of my big fat bank account. I know that people are different but like I've already said I know my db and he would be shouting it from the rooftops an showing everyone if he'd really won that money. My parents think the sun shines out of his backside and haven't a clue what's been going on so now I need to decide what to do. Just do me a favour though, say anything you want but don't accuse me of beig jelalois, ie of his money or the attention he gets from my parents. I'm a grown adult and I'm not driven by money, I'm driven by my kids, partner, living life etc. My parents are amazing and treat all three of us the same but they, like the rest of our family are being lied to day in day out and I don't think it's fair. Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
redexpat · 13/02/2018 16:37

Im in the report it anonymously to crime stoppers camp. If there is something going on he will get caught, but you wont have aroused suspicion by telling him or family what you have heard.

JamPasty · 13/02/2018 16:47

If you confront him and he doesn't stop (and of course he won't stop), then when eventually the police catch him (they will), then they will find out you knew and did not tell them. Fancy having a criminal record? Fancy putting your own family at risk? You would be insane to confront him about this

mikeyssister · 13/02/2018 16:51

I can't believe the number of people saying do nothing. If your child was involved in drugs you'd want the dealer hung from the highest yard arm and damn right you'd want the police involved.

feska5 · 13/02/2018 16:51

What he’s allegedly doing is illegal and immoral. Report it anonymously. Your conscience will be clear and you don’t need to confront him yourself.

Woofygoldberg · 13/02/2018 16:51

The local community will have spotted something going on, gossip has already got back to you.......someone will shop them. Please don't think this is victim-less.

A close relative of mine who lives in a very rural farming area had a neighbour rent his house out- it was subsequently used as a grow house.

My relative felt something was going on (but couldn't put their finger on it) strange coming & goings from the house at unsociable hours, different cars parked up, lights on in out buildings during the night etc they then ended up with a ludicrous electricity bill.

Subsequently one of the electricity pylons caught fire & it turned out the electricity meter had been interrupted. The power supplier perused my relative to pay the bill, even threatening legal action.

The police raided not long after but they still had a nightmare to resolve it. The police said that the windows had somehow been booby trapped with electric wires & trip wires placed round the farm house. It also turned out they had been using people to look after the plants who had been trafficked into the country and had their passports confiscated.

BMW6 · 13/02/2018 16:54

A flat in a small block near us was used to grow cannabis. The first anyone knew of it was when it caught fire during the daytime due to the dodgy electrics. Luckily everyone got out unharmed, but could have been a very different scenario if the fire had started at night. There are at least 10 children in that block.

I would report to crimestoppers frankly.

HonkyWonkWoman · 13/02/2018 16:57

Whatever he is up to OP.
It has NOTHING whatsoever to do with you.
Just leave it!
Btw. You do sound jealous!

Motoko · 13/02/2018 16:59

DO NOT CONFRONT HIM! You are naive if you think that he will see the error of his ways after you've spoken to him. He will want to know how you got this information. Are you willing to tell him it was your mutual friend? Would mutual friend be happy with you when your brother confronts him?

Contact Crimestoppers anonymously. Don't tell your family, and don't speak to your brother.

Haffiana · 13/02/2018 17:00

So. Brother's friend is talking about alleged crime to all and sundry in the pub. Sister is telling millions on the internet.

Just leave it - if brother has genuinely committed a crime I cannot imagine he will be getting away with it for much longer.

mygorgeousmilo · 13/02/2018 17:01

If my twat of a sister was growing drugs, I wouldn’t hesitate to report it. It’s not victimless at all, so many lives are caught up in the sale and distribution of drugs, he’s no better or worse than some pusher on a street corner! He’s putting himself and his child at huge risk for financial gain, just out of pure greed! My sis is similarly smug and looks down on everyone, and is similarly without scruples, although not illegal AFAIK. Just to repeat that this is NOT a victimless crime

mygorgeousmilo · 13/02/2018 17:03

Btw I would also go NC as he’s clearly unpleasant and pisses you off. Best thing I’ve ever done with my sister. There’s no point continuing to play happy families and letting the resentment build.

Theshipsong · 13/02/2018 17:04

Don't people rent houses to use as grow houses so they can move about? Your brother doing this in a house registered in his name sounds very stupid. Are you sure it is weed? There isn't a chance that the 'mutual friend' and your brother are winding you up is there? I wouldn't confront him because frankly that will not achieve anything. I honestly don't know what I would do in your position, most probably I would wait for them to get caught because they will get caught. Inform the police if you will but separate your motives and your convictions from now on because your posts sound more bitter than genuinely concerned.

ohfortuna · 13/02/2018 17:07

cannabis farm or meth lab...pretty sure it carries a heavier penalty than 'mere' dealing

Motoko · 13/02/2018 17:13

God, I hate it when people exaggerate to give weight to their opinions. The friend wasn't "telling all and sundry" in the pub, he told OP's partner, who he felt should be told.

And OP is posting anonymously.

mikeyssister · 13/02/2018 17:15

OP I don't think you sound jealous but I think you're totally and utterly wrong if you don't report this and I'm absolutely disgusted that people are still saying it's nothing to do with you and do nothing.

Some people on this thread need to seriously cop on.

ohfortuna · 13/02/2018 17:20

well I guess it's the govts fault really, it's harder for landlords to make a profit these days now that there are are fewer allowable tax deductions.
Turning your empty property into a cannabis farm is the obvious choice
profits will all be in cash so no need to declare them.
It'll be legal soon anyway, chill out, have a spliff, it's only weed fgs

Caroelle · 13/02/2018 17:21

Phone Crimestoppers. Then say to him that you’ve heard that there is a rumour going around that there is a cannabis farm in your area, isn’t that stupid, never mind, the police are bound to catch up with the owner if there is. He now knows that there is the possibility of being arrested, if he is guilty of this as you believe. The decision is in his hands.

butterfly56 · 13/02/2018 17:21

Why are you thinking that this self centred brother of yours will even think twice about what you have to say?
You need to phone Crimestoppers and say nothing to no one.
You will end up getting a lot of unnecessary grief from your brother and the rest of the family.
He is engaged in serious criminal activity and if you don't do the right thing hopefully someone else will and ring the Police brother or no brother!

ohfortuna · 13/02/2018 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Morphene · 13/02/2018 17:24

If this was my brother (who has no form whatsoever for being an areshole or any description) I would 100% inform the police.

LovesLaboursLost · 13/02/2018 17:25

This has been posted before. The situation does not appear to have moved on.

Morphene · 13/02/2018 17:25

Oh and I would not be warning him first either.

ohfortuna · 13/02/2018 17:27

This has been posted before
are you sure?
I think it was the sister who was a fiend in the last cannabis farm thread

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 13/02/2018 17:28

If he's growing weed just ignore it. If he was in Canada it'd be legal and rightly so. May well be in this country in a few years. Yes it's illegal now, but our drugs laws are totally bonkers.

RandomMess · 13/02/2018 17:35

@Choc0lat I would perhaps just message your DB something like "There's a rumour going around that there was no win but it's drug money hilarious or what"

Wonder if that would be enough for him to realise he's not going to get away with it. By default he is a dealer as he's clearly selling it or renting the house to a dealer to grow it.