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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you had money to burn, would you use a surrogate?

476 replies

Hippiesip · 12/02/2018 16:42

Say you're having difficulty TTC a second or third child, would you pay for an American surrogate if you simply didn't want to wait/go through the pregnancy?

I think I would. I loved creating my son but pregnancy was extremely difficult for me mentally and emotionally. I would rather not doing it again, but still growing our family.

OP posts:
Gigimoll · 12/02/2018 16:45

Erm, I'm not sure I would. I've really thought about it again after this baby. But no matter how much pain I'm currently in carrying him, I'm also bonding. I'd see a surrogate as not my baby as she's growing him/her.
I think what I would do if I had that money is take leave from work for 9 months once I did get pregnant to properly look after myself. As in if I feel tired, ill sleep. If I feel sick, I can lounge about feeling sorry for myself. Obviously I couldn't because I need to be a mom to my little girl, but I think the little kicks etc make up for it

LexieLulu · 12/02/2018 16:47

Nope! If I had money to burn I'd have a cleaner/child minder for the last trimester and first year of babies life to help me.

But I couldn't imagine not carrying

cherryontopp · 12/02/2018 16:53

I'd be very tempted the way im feeling at the moment!
3 days over due, can't move properly, legs are swollen, cant sleep cos of hip pain..

If i was incredibly rich I'd do surrogacy.

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 12/02/2018 16:55

No I love being pregnant. It's one thing I am good at too.

scaredofthecity · 12/02/2018 16:55

I was thinking about this the other day. I have rubbish pregnancies (severe pgd, almost complete loss of mobility)and hate every minute of it. But I think I would rather use the money to pay for everything I can to make my life easier when pregnant, such as intensive physio/osteo, cleaner, nanny to help with kids etc. I would worry that I wouldn't bond as well, plus I have found breastfeeding to be a very positive experience.
It is a legal minefield and I would worry about my rights etc as well.

JacquesHammer · 12/02/2018 16:58

I can't have another baby - I absolutely would in a heartbeat

IThinkSoYes · 12/02/2018 16:59

No, I'd put the money into getting a nanny and/or cleaner for a couple of years.

If I couldn't conceive, I don't think I'd turn to a surrogate - I'd look at adoption first (obviously not an easy route either).

BertieBotts · 12/02/2018 16:59

No. I love being pregnant and giving birth, I wouldn't want to miss that part. Of course difficult when the choice is not yours but I think I'd rather not have another child. In fact it's taken us a while to conceive this pregnancy and our plan for the future is TTC again basically immediately, but have a cut off date and if nothing has happened by then call it a day.

I also think surrogacy is exploitative so I'd feel guilty doing it for that reason too.

Adoption would be a different issue but not an option for us as DH is against (family history). The issue with surrogacy isn't so much the biological link, it's more that I don't think I could bear somebody else going through what I felt should be my pregnancy.

silkpyjamasallday · 12/02/2018 16:59

I never would, I hated being pregnant due to HG, but I don't like the idea of women's bodies, pregnancy and the creation of a new life being treated as commodities. Putting a price tag on human beings is wrong, and a slippery slope imo, I don't think there is any need for it to be encouraged as a easy solution for those who don't want or can't get pregnant themselves.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 12/02/2018 17:00

I wouldn't because of feminist arguments against it.
I didn't enjoy being pregnant and it caused lasting health issues. I would not want to inflict that on someone.
I would adopt.
And would actually love to foster in future if circumstances allow.
Am v patient with kids with autism after years of experience.

TheNecroscope · 12/02/2018 17:00

No. I hate being pregnant and have just had surgery to repair a prolapse from carrying/giving birth. There is no money on earth that could make me think someone else should experience that just so I don’t have to. Pregnancy and childbirth are about the riskiest times for health for a normal healthy woman. Can I justify paying someone else to take those risks for me? Nope.

Idontdowindows · 12/02/2018 17:00

No, but then I'm staunchly against using women's bodies and putting them in danger to indulge our wishes.

chipvinegar · 12/02/2018 17:02

In a heartbeat

stitchglitched · 12/02/2018 17:03

No. I limited my family size in part due to terrible HG in pregnancy but I would never use another woman's body in this way, I think it is exploitative.

BikeRunSki · 12/02/2018 17:04

Yes, if I was still young enough to really want a baby (i’m not and I don’t).

2 HG pregnancies, where I was hospitalised for 8 weeks.
2 emcs, one under general anasethic (sp??)
Post cs complications , not being able to stand up straight for 9 weeks.

Yes, i’d pay someone to do that for me. I was so ill I really don’t think I bonded with my children before they were born.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 12/02/2018 17:04

No, I would go for adoption.

chipvinegar · 12/02/2018 17:05

To be fair I would only use a woman willing and wanting to be a surrogate e.g., someone who enjoys pregnancy but doesn't want anymore children themselves

HermioneWeasley · 12/02/2018 17:09

No, would never exploit another woman that way

GothMummy · 12/02/2018 17:10

No, because I had a horrible time giving birth and wouldn't want to put another woman through those risks.

ChupaPenguin · 12/02/2018 17:14

Yes I would have. I had an awful pregnancy and it also triggered a serious autoimmune problem (MS).

Bearwithverylittlebrain · 12/02/2018 17:16

Yes. I loved pregnancy but sadly can no longer have children (I would have happily have been a surrogate if I could have had more children).

My partner would love to have a child that is biologically his.

I would happily adopt but we are now both too old to go down that path.

3luckystars · 12/02/2018 17:17

Absolutely no way.

Scribblegirl · 12/02/2018 17:21

Ages ago I worked as a PA to a very busy top-of-the-career woman who had her second child with a surrogate just before I started working for her. She was very honest about the fact that she was frankly just too busy to be pregnant, give birth and have mat leave. She was unapologetic about it.

Frankly she couldn't have given a shit about the baby once it arrived except for the dressing up/showing off part. She had a 24 hour nanny who raised the kid and the one time the nanny had an emergency, asked me as her PA to stay over because she'd never spent a night alone with the kid..

Therefore I'm slightly biased as in your scenario above it makes me remember her OP! As PPs have said I'm sure there are a variety of excellent reasons for having a surrogate as long as everyone is valued and looked after. But my personal experience was someone who wanted the baby as a status symbol rather than actually mothering it...

Rockandrollwithit · 12/02/2018 17:22

Oh god yes. I had horrible HG with both my pregnancies but even putting that aside it's not an experience I savoured.

FissionChips · 12/02/2018 17:23

Would I pay another woman to risk disability, ill health and death for me? NO.