If you had money to burn, would you use a surrogate?

[Hippiesip]

Say you're having difficulty TTC a second or third child, would you pay for an American surrogate if you simply didn't want to wait/go through the pregnancy?

I think I would. I loved creating my son but pregnancy was extremely difficult for me mentally and emotionally. I would rather not doing it again, but still growing our family.

No.
I'm saying that you think its better it happens to someone else.

Morally speaking they're actually equally awful imo.

But for my family? For me personally...?

Lana your point is kind of moot in the UK. You cannot use a surrogate simply because you have a shit pregnancy. So the whole 'if you won't accept that risk how dare you stick it on someone else' is a non point here. Women who use surrogates cannot accept that risk. That's one of the basis' for using a surrogate

Btw, this whole argument is purerly theoretical for me personally.

As I said, surrogacy isn't allowed or legally recognised where I currently live.

There are also issues around egg donation, yes. It's not nearly as simple as sperm donation for a start and takes a much bigger toll on the body. Some women are 'encouraged' to donate their eggs to receive cheaper fertility treatment. Financial payments for egg 'donations' can mean they aren't so much a donation as a commodity.

There's also the issue of the child conceived from a donation and their right to know their genetic heritage (if they are even told they are the result of a donation in the first place).

The whole area of fertility treatment is rife with ethical issues to be frank.

No it's not a moot point.

You are using a woman, in order that she take that risk for you, regardless of reasons.

I think renting someone's fucking womb, regardless of reasons or money, is inherently selfish.

I think renting someone's fucking womb, regardless of reasons or money, is inherently selfish.

Making the choice to have a child (with "any" womb) may be called selfish as well.

I'm pregnant because DH and I wanted a child.

For no other reason...

Humans are inherently selfish. Anyone who has their own children instead of adopting could be seen as selfish, why bring more lives into the world when there are hundreds that need decent homes?

A surrogate accepts the risks of pregnancy. They choose to approach couples in order to facilitate having a child. If they were dragged off the streets kicking & screaming i could understand

And I think egg donation also has lots of issues.

I looked into it when it was clear I couldn't carry another child, thought my fertile eggs were wasted in a body that can't really carry a child without potentially killing me.

The risks to the woman are numerous.

The ethics are questionable.

I had DD really, really late. If I had left it any later it wouldn't have happened, so I probably would have considered it then. But only if doing it myself absolutely wasn't an option.

@Spottytop1 I wasn't trying to be flippant; my apologies.

I was a surrogate because I wanted to give somebody the absolute joy I have with my daughter. Guess that makes me a silly, vulnerable, exploited idiot then?

floriad

Yes, it would be better if you suffered the consequences of a bad pregnancy, birth than someone who you had used as a rent-a-womb.

Your wanted baby, you carry it.

Mustbemad are you assuming that all, or even most, surrogacy takes place in wealthy countries and the women have other options available but choose to be surrogates anyway? If so you are much mistaken.

www.google.ie/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/feb/25/surrogacy-sweden-ban

I had one awful HG pregnancy, and as a result we’re not having any more DC. I couldn’t risk inflicting that misery on someone else, no matter how much I paid them.

Yes, it would be better if you suffered the consequences of a bad pregnancy, birth than someone who you had used as a rent-a-womb.

Why?

And more importantly, seeing as this woman was already offering? She may actually want to do this.

And if I'm unable to get pregnant a 2nd time...? I might take her up on it. Who knows? (not something I've been thinking about, tbh.)

Your wanted baby, you carry it.

Which is what I'm currently doing.

I'm pregnant because DH and I wanted a child

And???

It's not about the procreation of children....It's about the selfishness of expecting another woman to go through a risky and potentially life-threatening pg so you can have a child.

Having children can be selfish, yes.
But getting another woman to do it for you is a whole other level.

I seriously considered this after failed ivf, but in the end decided I felt really uncomfortable with using another personal in that way.

I could have just about afforded it, but in the end we decided to go the adoption route. It took 2.5 years from application to placement and has gone really well. Adoption’s not for everyone but it’s turned out to be right for us.

I was a surrogate because I wanted to give somebody the absolute joy I have with my daughter

Good for you.
However I still say that using another womans womb is wrong.

And btw I never said anyone was "silly" still think it's exploitation though.

That i have already stated many times that it is exploited in other countries...and is being tackled, such as India currently banning outsiders using Indian surrogates. However, you cannot make a blanket statement that all surrogates are exploited?? My comments (as pointed out) are based on UK & US surrogacy - given the OP clearly says about US surrogates. In the US & UK there are things in place to prevent exploitation of poor or potentially mentally unstable women being bribed into surrogacy. Altho the US actively pays thousands for egg donors.

My point is & always has been that the comments made here assume that surrogates are being forced into it. And it is incorrect. And actually offensive to the women who make that choice. Rather than bashing surrogates & IPs that do things respectfully, people should make a point of noting that it isn't a fully exploitative thing. You could take each country on its own merit & say 'yep in India surrogates are exploited' but their laws allow that.

I know someone who was a surrogate twice. She no longer talks to either set of parents and says her health has been permanently ruined after the last pregnancy.

My point is & always has been that the comments made here assume that surrogates are being forced into it

Ah no.

I don't think for a moment that all surrogates are forced into it.

I still think it's wrong.

I think surrogacy is unethical and therefore my answer is no.

I'm saying that what I'm currently doing (being pregnant) is imo already rather selfish. I'm doing it because I want to.

And if I were to make the decision to pay for a surrogate? I'd do it because that's what I'd want to do.

t's about the selfishness of expecting another woman to go through a risky and potentially life-threatening pg so you can have a child.

How is this / what could happen to her worse than what could happen to me?

She's either doing it for financial reason (which means that someone taking her up on her offer is what she wants...) or she's doing it because she'd like to help someone, which would be an absolutely beautiful thing.

And a lot of the comments here have confirmed my view.

I can never have another child myself due to life-threatening HG that will almost certainly happen again.

It appears others think this situation gives them the right to inflict this on another woman, just so they don't have to run the risk themselves.

I accept I can't have more kids.
I don't accept making another woman do it for me.