If you had money to burn, would you use a surrogate?

[Hippiesip]

Say you're having difficulty TTC a second or third child, would you pay for an American surrogate if you simply didn't want to wait/go through the pregnancy?

I think I would. I loved creating my son but pregnancy was extremely difficult for me mentally and emotionally. I would rather not doing it again, but still growing our family.

Rude not ride

Nope. If I cpuldn't conceive I would look at adoption. It's not easy I know but there are so many kids that need a home.
I'd also be terrified that the mother would change her mind. I don't think I'd be able to bond with the mother or child.

People are making a lot of assumptions about women who choose to do surrogacy. Yes, exploitation is a possibility in poorer countries - altho many have now blanket banned surrogacy with IPs outside of the country - but in the UK & the US the majority of women make a choice.

Please don't try & make out that surrogates are all manipulated into being 'used' it's bloody offensive

I would try to be thankful for what I had. Especially if I already had kids.

People seem to be missing the fact that surrogates offer to be surrogates- they choose to do this and they set their own expenses. Most are also not desperate or disadvantaged!

Surrogates usually have been pregnant several times and are very aware of how their body copes with being pregnant and make informed decisions.

No. I agree with the viewpoint that it takes advantage of vulnerable women.

I would spend it on high quality health care, foods, and any other help that I can think of that would enable me to have a healthy pregnancy.

Childbirth is the number one killer of women.
Even women who have had many successful pgs are still at massive risk of life changing injuries or death during childbirth.

I still don't get how a want for children gives anyone the right to put another woman at risk like that.

Even if she is happy to do it....its still exploitation of another womans body.

No but id certainly have an elective section at the Portland and then hire a nanny, a doula, a cleaner and a cook!

Never gonna happen sadly lol

Id be more interested in an exterior artificial womb. I dont really think you have to go through the pain of childbirth to bond with your child however i wouldnt want another woman having to through that to bring my child into the world. So id consider an artificial womb but probably not surrogacy unless I was certainly unable to carry a child for a medical reason.

But no pgs are the same.

Yes.

You cannot possibly predict how it would go.

Obviously.

What if this pg is the time she gets really ill? What if I do? Are you saying it's somehow better if it were to happen to me?

Or it leaves her with lifelong disabilities? That could happen to me as well.

What if it all goes wrong at the birth and she's hideously injured or dies??
Is it better if I'm hideously injured or die??

I would spend it on high quality health care, foods, and any other help that I can think of that would enable me to have a healthy pregnancy.

If only infertility was cured that easily!

I would definitely adopt if I was unable to carry a child myself. I want to make my own child but it’s not because I want them to be my genetics, it’s because it’s important bonding time... so if I wasn’t getting that I’d just like to adopt instead, and I’d feel pretty good about it

Please don't try & make out that surrogates are all manipulated into being 'used' it's bloody offensive

But they are being used.

No matter how you dress it up, you are using a woman for her womb.

It still carries a massive risk....even if its consensual.

If you are using a surrogate...It's "using" her.

I hated pregnancy and was ill both times, but no I wouldn’t use a surrogate. Based on how ill I was (especially mentally as I really struggled there) I couldn’t potentially put another woman through that for money, even as a “free choice”.
It feels very wrong.

I wouldn’t but I pretty much had a text book pregnancy. However, if I had the cash I would pay for a cleaner in the final semester and then after the birth hire all the paid help I could think of someone to cook, clean, buy food, help with baby if I needed help so I could focus on the baby.

How can anyone not even consider the exploitative nature of paying someone to rent their organs? Women who do this in America do it for money, make no mistake.

'She already had two, a boy and a girl, could have adopted, '

People always trot this out to anyone who has fertility issues. It's such patronising guff.

I would definitely adopt if I was unable to carry a child myself.

That is obviously a perfectly legitimate choice. I am definitely not against adoption.

But if we're talking about morality? It may not be the most moral thing either.

I was carrying a wanted child and wanted to die. I’ve explained it on abortion threads before, but I know that if dc hadn’t been wanted by me, I’d be dead.

Actually Lana the major killer of women aged 20-44 is breast cancer.

Suggest you ingest this too: www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2010/apr/12/maternal-mortality-rates-millennium-development-goals

How can anyone not even consider the exploitative nature of paying someone to rent their organs? Women who do this in America do it for money, make no mistake.

And this is inherently wrong?

Many people do risky things for financial compensation.

No I wouldn't. Wombs should not be available for the well off to hire.

If it's done on the basis of a familial or personal relationship (sister or close friend) I'd have less of an issue. However, hiring a stranger's body to fulfill a personal want, not need, is abhorrent to me. I think the potential for exploitation is far too great.

Are you saying it's somehow better if it were to happen to me?

No.
I'm saying that you think its better it happens to someone else.

I don't want anyone to be injured or killed,by pg/birth.

But I still don't get why you'd lay that risk on someone else.

PG makes me very very ill.
It nearly killed me

I would love DS to have a sibling

But at no point do I expect another woman to take the risk I am not prepared to.

I just accept, however sadly, that I cannot have another child.

So can we say the same about egg donors? You're still 'using' a woman in order to conceive. And i've seen some women react badly to the process of egg donation but blossom in pregnancy.

In fact, many surrogates choose to journey again. And then put themselves out there as surrogates looking for couples to work with.

Yep, definitely being exploited 🤔

No, because I would be terrified about the surrogate wanting to keep my biological child. The stews of that wouldn't be worth it.

Rose that's one of the reasons I personally believe IPs are more at risk of exploitation than the surrogate. Because birth mum is legally mum, IPs have a rough ride if they have to go to court to fight for a surrogate baby.
And sadly some surrogates see it as a way to make money!

Oh I don't give a tiny shit about the actual statistics.

No matter how healthy and perfect previous pgs....THERE IS STILL A CHANCE WOMEN WILL DIE.

If you are not prepared to accept that risk yourself.....you have no right to put that risk on someone else.

Zero.