If you had money to burn, would you use a surrogate?

[Hippiesip]

Say you're having difficulty TTC a second or third child, would you pay for an American surrogate if you simply didn't want to wait/go through the pregnancy?

I think I would. I loved creating my son but pregnancy was extremely difficult for me mentally and emotionally. I would rather not doing it again, but still growing our family.

I hadn't even though about the exploitative side. I've seen a few documentaries on surrogacy and it was shown to be a generally positive experience for all involved.
Some women genuinely love being pregnant an everything it entails. I strongly believe that anyone considering being a surrogate should have already finished their family first and definately not be a first time mum. I read about a really sad case of a women being a surrogate in her early 20s, it was her first being time pregnant and she became very attached to the baby and didn't want to hand it over when the time came.
As with anything there is of course the chance of exploitation, but I do believe that many women choose to do it because they want to.

No, I wouldn't.

I would happily spend the cash on help after the birth. However it's a moot point as I won't be having any more children (too old, too poor, and too tired).

No. Unethical.

The house of hidden mothers by Meera Syall is fiction but a good exploration of the issue and an incredibly good read

It is such an exploitative thing to do.

Women are not vessels for children.

It's so so hard to be someone who can't have anymore kids.....I know, I am one.

But there is no fucking way I would exploit another womans womb on order to not have to suffer myself.

Talk about selfish.

Is it potentially exploitative?

Yes. Is it risky for the surrogate? Yes. But so is pregnancy for any other woman.

If something were to happen, would that be "fair" to this woman and her family ? no.

But if I were to get pregnant a second time... would it be "better" if that happened to me / my family?

Many people put their physical and mental health at risk for financial compensation.

Idk. I'm not actually considering surrogacy as a legitimate option for our family (although I won't say that I never will).
But the... vehement opposition to this is imo surprising.

lookingforthecorkscrew you would pay someone to risk the awful pregnancy conplications that you have had?

I was a surrogate in the UK three years ago. Just like to say at no point did i - still don't - feel like i'd been exploited.

The US have shitty rulings such as social surrogacy which imo is bullshit & definitely a case of if you have money you can do anything!!

Yes, absolutely. I'm in the middle of my second HG pregnancy, I'm 22 weeks and today I had to cut off a mechanic mid phone call so that I could run to the kitchen and throw up into the sink. I had a huge bleed from a haematoma at 12 weeks which carried on for over a month. I have SPD and need physio and a pelvic belt

I'm sorry your having a shit time.
I know how it feels.

But why the fuck does your want for more kids give you the right to potentially inflict the same health conditions on someone else??

I have had to stick at one, because I would possibly die the next time I get PG.
I don't want to have just one.

But my desire to procreate does not mean I have a right to another woman's womb.

How fucking selfish.

In my experience you are more at risk of being exploited as IPs than you are as a surrogate (again talking UK & US here). Have seen the phrase 'they need me more than I need them' from several surrogates!

Lana well I wouldn't use a surrogate unless they were in a genuine position to be able to decide whether they wanted to help me or not. I certainly wouldn't fling a bunch of cash at some poor desperate woman. I never said it was something I'd enter into lightly, but it is something I'd have considered, if money were no obstacle.

No never. I have major ethical issues with it.

No, I couldn't use somebody's body and pay for it

you would pay someone to risk the awful pregnancy conplications that you have had?
Surrogates usually already have children. Her pregnancies might have been easier.

And she may believe that the money is worth it. Or that she's doing something positive, helping an other woman.

I love pregnancy and it's breaking my heart that I'm done having kids. DH says no more. If we had loads of money I'd convince DH we could have another baby but myself, not using a surrogate.

I wouldn't personally. But maybe it would be different if I couldn't have conceived at all. For a 2nd or 3rd baby, I think I would either assume I'd continue to try (I did have to keep trying, my 2nd pregnancy was a mc, but we were able to conceive again and all went perfectly well) or I'd probably just be content with just one and figure maybe that was how it was meant to be. I do know people who have used surrogates and were happy with that choice, but I like being pregnant and giving birth and I don't think it would be for me. I can see how it would be right for some people though.

Difficulty conceiving and not being arsed to go through pregnancy are two very different things.

I've thankfully never had difficulty conceiving so can't comment from that aspect. Going from my experience though absolutely not, I've had three and absolutely loved the whole experience of being pregnant, giving birth etc. We aren't having more though I'd love to and a huge part of that wanting more is that I love being pregnant. I've had SPD and sciatica but still loved it.

I certainly wouldn't fling a bunch of cash at some poor desperate woman. I never said it was something I'd enter into lightly, but it is something I'd have considered, if money were no obstacle

What if she ends up with similar PG health issues though??

Taking the money out of it.....why is it ok to ask another woman to put herself at massive risk (and all pg are different, and all carry a huge risk btw) so you can fulfil an entirely personal want??

Why does your health trump hers??

No way! If money was no object I would pay for an independent midwife and postnatal doula and probably a cleaner too

I had this conversation with my sister a few years ago. I can't have children and she said she would donate her eggs if I wanted to go down the surrogate route. At the time I said there is no way I'd ever do this. But I've changed my mind, if I had the money and we were ten years younger, I would definitely harvest my sister's eggs and use a surrogate.

Battleax these are highlighted differences between the US & the UK too. In the UK you have to be able to show that you cannot either conceive or successfully carry a pregnancy. In the US - as with the likes of Kardashian - you can use a surrogacy for any reason. But then in the US you can also select donated eggs based on what the woman looks like as well as have twin embryos frozen & born years apart 🙄

Lana I don't believe that my health trumps anyone's, but if I found a surrogate that was happy to help me and had a history of uncomplicated pregnancies I might consider it. Because some people actually like being pregnant.

Just wanted to add. I understand that it could be used to exploit women....but some women genuinely want to do this and as someone who loves being pregnant I can understand that. I think its ride to imply every surrogate is being exploited

Her pregnancies might have been easier

But no pgs are the same.

You cannot possibly predict how it would go.

What if this pg is the time she gets really ill?
Or it leaves her with lifelong disabilities?
What if it all goes wrong at the birth and she's hideously injured or dies??