People who don't ask any questions

[200thousand]

Aibu - I try to ask questions when I meet people (particularly new people)... just general stuff about their career, life whatever, nothing too prying - I'd hope not to come across as prying. Just making general conversation.

You would expect people to reciprocate, when they don't ask questions back are they being polite (trying not to pry) or is it more likely they are self obsessed? Or just not interested in me (I'm not boring!)

I just think a conversation should go like this...

General chat
Question from person 1
answer from person 2
general chat
question from person 2
answer from person 1
general chat

I know that sounds a bit prescriptive, I don't mean it to, but just think on the whole you should ask someone you are chatting to questions esp if they ask you some.

recent conversations have gone:

general chat
me ask a question
answer from other person
general chat
me ask another question
answer / general chat
general chat
me ask another question
answer / general chat

with no questions!?

AIBU to find it a bit weird??

Steamtrains - I'm back and in answer to your query no it was neither a thesis basis nor a social experiment, I'm a bit surprised at the level of interest the thread got tbh! also such a wide variety of responses too!

lots of food for thought here...! I'm still pondering some of it and have gained some useful insights, but that said I still think it shows courtesy to show a (non-prying) interest in the other person if they are showing an interest in you, just needs to be carefully adjusted according to who you are chatting with.

I think my original OP was a bit misinterpreted by people who took it as me asking a barrage of questions at someone I don't know like in an interview! Well, that's not the case, I was meaning in a situation like a playdate when you're stuck with someone for a couple of hours, it seems polite to show an interest and then to show an interest back in that person and give them time to talk about themselves rather than monologuing at them for a couple of hours about yourself. Many people don't seem to realise a conversation is a two way dialogue which (I think) should include showing a polite interest in the other person and giving them opportunities to open up or talk about what interests them.

I guess it shows what different types of people everyone are!

"You can know someone you've never spoken to

You really can’t."

I'm sorry, but you can if you work with them, see them every day you get a good idea of what they're like. It's quite a strange situation to know someone that you've never had a conversation with, but it does happen.

Only slim read thread but I'm with the you op. Dd in reception so lots of parties and new parents. Having to initiate conversation and ask questions and try and chat as ashy person myself hasn't been fun.

I was sat next to a mum and it felt very one sided and I do feel I had asked too many questions, so I stopped nicely... And looked at my phone that was the end of the the interaction.

Glove punch of solidarity, Sersiouly. I am a shy person, and I really try in social situations. I have made a New Year's Resolution to be meaner, however, (I wonder how many people have a resolution as horrid as that?!) and if someone drones on and on and doesn't ask anything back, then I'll do the same and just look at my phone or extricate myself from the situation.

The last time I had this was with a member of dh's family who went on for forty-five minutes about their sailing holiday. I joined in, I laughed at the stories, I marvelled at their adventures, oohed and aahed appreciatively. Eventually I said, "We came back from Italy last week." Silence. Absolute silence. Dd bore witness and she couldn't believe it. The tumbleweed blew across the sitting room, and then they started off again about something else to do with them. I really will not stand for this sort of thing any more!

Lady, they sound breathtakingly self absorbed 😦

I still think it shows courtesy to show a (non-prying) interest in the other person if they are showing an interest in you

Absolutely OP. The key phrase is ‘if they are showing an interest in you’ (whether genuine interest or simulated for the sake of social convention). This is what so many on this thread have failed to grasp, despite having had it explained in numerous posts!

It has felt rather like some posters piled in just to tell us sternly that they don’t want to socialise or make friends with us and they aren’t interested in what we have to say so they do not want to ask questions.
That is fine and dandy, and if I were to meet you in a play park, it would be blatantly obvious to me that you weren’t interested so I would leave you alone! (I wouldn’t usually initiate a conversation in that situation anyway).

However, if we were seated together at a wedding, I would probably try to start a conversation with you, whilst simultaneously wondering why you had come to a wedding if you weren’t prepared to pretend you were enjoying yourself.

Lady that is awful. Just awful. What the hell is wrong with some people!?

Like you, I vow never to let this kind of thing happen to me again.

Boundaries - let’s build them high and build them strong !