What would you do about this?

[whattodoaboutman]

I am posting this here for traffic. I don't know how to deal with this or if I am blowing it out of all proportion.

A local man is a frequent user of the local sports centre. Many people know him as he's there so often.

When there is a children's sports club on the pool is closed to the public but the sauna is still open. This man will use the sauna and then walk into the changing rooms and strip off when the room has about 20 children in there and then shower naked next to the boys in the shower which is also communal.

He then goes to change and stands next to the boys who are getting changed, the boys find this intimidating. There are no separate cubicles yet, though they will be provided soon according to the centre management.

I think this is inappropriate but when it has been mentioned to the club safeguarding person and centre management nothing has been done.

What should I do ?

Are any other adults in there too. A couple of the dad's maybe. They can supervise and ensure nothing weird happens.

You put pressure on them to make the cubicals op. That is what you can do.

You shouldnt tell a man who has just been sweating away in the shower that he cant shower properly afterwards. Hes going at his appropriate times while from what ive read above the kids swim time changes, so he cant be purposefully doing it nor can or should he adapt his routine.

If the boys are uncomfortable why dont two parents take it in turns to be with them?

If I was you & had a gut feeling of being concerned; or any other inkling/shred of evidence, what I would do is have a word with the police who can log/advise/check records.

Oh, yes. Fab idea. ‘Hello Mr Plod, it’s me, Mumsnetter. There’s a man having a shower in the change rooms. Can you log it please?’

Fuck’s sake. 🙄

I had this growing up in my local leisure centre. We would go swimming with the school and there would be adult members of the public there walking around the changing rooms naked. I did feel slightly uncomfortable but just made sure I never looked.

Personally, I couldn't do it and I do understand how people feel uncomfortable but I also see why people who do it have a right too.

Has anyone who is expressing such disgust & outrage at ‘naked human in changing facilities’ ever travelled in Europe? In Germany if you sit in the sauna in your swimming trunks the attendants will come in and demand you either take them off or leave.

Brits have always been prudish, now it seems this has become mixed with hysteria over child abuse, and has got to the point where nakedness = sex abuse.

Naked doesn’t = sexual behaviour, and that’s what is confusing this.

You can be put into far more uncomfortable and inappropriate situations while fully clothed just walking down the street yet people don’t go into mad panic over that.

It’s an interesting & frankly disturbing insight into modern psychology.

I've seen several threads on Mumsnet where people are genuinely offended by someone being naked in a swimming changing room. I'm really not surprised that people are now saying it's a police issue.

where else would he hang his towel

Seriously though, if the guy was doing it for sexual kicks it would be pretty obvious. I suspect he is just doing it to make a point that he is allowed to be there and so he will, which makes him a dickhead, but not a paedophile.

I think most men would feel pretty uncomfortable showering with a load of children.

He should know better than to do this naked

I agree if he isn't a perv then he is a bit of an arsehole. I don't know any men that would choose to go and shower (naked or otherwise) with a whole bunch of teens/pre teens when they could nip in a few minutes earlier in perfect peace and be gone before they arrived (or at least be showered and have their underwear on. I'd do the same as a woman.

And that's without someone having already said to me that I was making other people uncomfortable. It's also a bit different from a whole group of people coming and going in and out some naked some not.

he also wouldn't need to look obviously turned on at the time but still get off on the whole experience in private.

Having the right to do something doesn't mean that you should when it really makes no odds to you.

Bit weird imo. Yanbu.

It's entirely possible some of those boys have not seen adult male genitals. A bit of consideration wouldn't go amiss

Perhaps if naked bodies weren't vilified and children had more general awareness of how normal people look, we could remove some of the sexualisation from nudity. Every single person has some form of genitals - why should be raise our children to be ashamed of them?

because we spend a lot of time educating them that their pants area is private?

I think requiring adults to cover up in public is a small price to pay if it stops DC being confused and abused. It's harder to explain that sometimes it's okay to be naked in front of people and sometimes it's not.

To toddlers, maybe. To preteens? No.

I would think ALL preteen children are aware that it's perfectly normal to wash themselves naked - surely they don't have their showers at home with swimming trunks on? I don't think it's difficult to explain that it's normal for an adult to be naked in a shower too without confusing it with abuse.

Of course everyone showers naked in their own home. They have showers at the beach and I've never seen anyone strip naked to use one.

It's about public spaces v's private spaces, not about whether you would normally shower naked. Can you be naked in the swimming pool or sauna? I guess not but essentially what is the difference? You can wash yourself with a pair of trunks/costume on - just turn away and soap inside your costume.

On the beach, in the pool and in the sauna they are mixed sex areas.

The showers (in this scenario) are single sex.

In most European countries you can be naked in saunas and some beaches.

In this country, you can shower naked in a single sex changing room.

The man is doing nothing wrong. There is nothing inherently wrong with naked bodies. As swimming pools allow for people to shower naked, they agree with this too.

And I personally prefer not wash in chlorine covered clothes (and thankfully that’s my right to decide and not yours).

And to be honest, it’s completely irrelevant whether you think people should wash in their swimming wear. The poster asked if she should complain about the man, but as he isn’t doing anything wrong there’s really nothing to complain about.

Wonder, well you can presume that he isn't doing anything wrong but you don't know that he isn't. He isn't disobeying the rules but that doesn't mean he isn't doing anything wrong. He might just be a stubborn git who is trying to make a point but on the other hand, he might be doing something that is making these boys feel uncomfortable other than simply being naked. He is also opening himself up to accusations of wrong doing.

The easiest thing for all concerned is that the club build cubicles if people want privacy and/or ban naked showering.

And surely the point is that if you are in a fresh shower and using soap then your clothes wont be as chlorine covered as they were when you were in the pool.

Every single person has some form of genitals - why should be raise our children to be ashamed of them?

So why is it different in your eyes if it's single sex or mixed? I have no more desire to see a strange woman naked than I do a strange man.

Don’t understand the problem. You say yourself he is there often. So he isn’t specifically picking days when the kids are there too, but is a frequent user of the facilities. He isn’t doing anthing wrong.

Just because he is there often it doesn't mean he isn't also targeting when the kids are there. Could be coincidence or not.

OP said that he is choosing to go and stand beside the boys as he's getting changed. It may be that that is the only space but then maybe not....

Even if this is his normal routine, there is no good reason given that it could not be adjusted by a couple of minutes so that he was showered and in his underwear before the boys come in.

he is either being obtuse or he wants to be there with them. I think it sounds to me like he thinks as a regular customer he should have special treatment and do what the feck he likes, just because he can, even if it makes other people uncomfortable.

Wtf?! What would you complain about?

My husband swims at the pool at our local boys school (as many local adults do). Quite often he will be showering / changing as the boys come in to change for their boarders swim sessions. What should he do? If pool is open to public till 8 and borders session starts at 8 there’s going to be cross over. My husband doesn’t particularly like to get showered / changed with loads of noisy, boisterous kids around but what can you do?!

None of this actually bothers me including the naked showering bit except this

He then goes to change and stands next to the boys who are getting changed, the boys find this intimidating.

If this is a big communal areas then presumably he doesn't need to stand right next to the boys to get changed?

WaxOn you are confusing your sensibilities with pool policy. As there is no policy forbidding people from showering naked it’s completely irrelevant whether you find it troubling/offensive/uncomfortable. The man doesn’t need to do anything different. If the boys are uncomfortable then they should be asking for individual cubicles or showering when they get home.

People have being sharing single sex bathing areas naked for a millennia. It’s not new.

I’m not sure why you are asking loaded questions about the different between mixed showers and single sex showers. Everyone does have gentials and shouldn’t be ashamed of them but that has no bearing on whether I think men and women should share showers. Why would it?

So would everyone be up in arms if OP's DD noticed a woman showering naked then getting changed near the other girls?