What would you do about this?

[whattodoaboutman]

I am posting this here for traffic. I don't know how to deal with this or if I am blowing it out of all proportion.

A local man is a frequent user of the local sports centre. Many people know him as he's there so often.

When there is a children's sports club on the pool is closed to the public but the sauna is still open. This man will use the sauna and then walk into the changing rooms and strip off when the room has about 20 children in there and then shower naked next to the boys in the shower which is also communal.

He then goes to change and stands next to the boys who are getting changed, the boys find this intimidating. There are no separate cubicles yet, though they will be provided soon according to the centre management.

I think this is inappropriate but when it has been mentioned to the club safeguarding person and centre management nothing has been done.

What should I do ?

I would assume that this could be resolved by the club renting the centre rather than just the pools for their sessions. It would cost slightly more but if they have an issue with inappropriate behaviour then this would be the best way to resolve it. FWIW I do think that this guy could be totally innocent. My gym has communal changing areas and never have I thought ‘ooh I’d better cover up incase a child looks’ even during kids lesson times.

This is a safeguarding issue. When you think about all staff who work with children have to be police checked. Children are considered especially 'vulnerable' in a changing room. Either the club should hire the changing rooms for sole use or they should have someone in to supervise changing.

Oh and regards what I would do is speak to the other parents and issue a joint complaint. The boycott the club if nothing is done. However I would be satisfied with club supervision in the changing room.

I was assuming there was someone supervising the kids - a teacher or swim coach.

If there isn't, that's an issue but a paying patron using the facilities while they are available to him is not.

Oh and regards what I would do is speak to the other parents and issue a joint complaint. The boycott the club if nothing is done.

The only complaint you might be able to make is the fact that the centre doesn't close entirely to the public while kids are using the pool. (And I would actually be pissed off if I couldn't use the sauna, steam pool or jacuzzi while kids are in the POOL.) You can't complain about a paying patron using the facilities during permitted times.

Perhaps the parents should all offer to pay the extra that it would cost to reserve the centre exclusively during the swim school times.

yorick, I have said I, personally, would be satisfied with club supervision in the changing rooms. But parents can complain about anything. It is possible, they are able. However club supervision should resolve the issue IMO.

Yuk! Surely this isn't aloud.
What posses him to do that unless he's a paedophile/pervert, of course.

Yuk! Surely this isn't aloud.

Well, it's not being kept quiet.

What posses him to do that unless he's a paedophile/pervert, of course.

For fuck's sake. You really cannot think of a single innocent reason why a man who frequently uses a leisure centre might go for a sauna and a shower?

I can sort of understand why Mum might not be totally happy with the situation although I would expect her to realise the man is not actually doing anything wrong. But this idea from some people on here that there can be no innocent reason why a man who frequently uses a leisure centre might, well, use a leisure centre is just ridiculous. That nudity of any kind, even in a communal swimming changing room, is deviant and evil.

What the fuck. How do prudes like this achieve orgasm? At the sight of
a roomful of burkas?

Yuk! Surely this isn't aloud.
What posses him to do that unless he's a paedophile/pervert, of course.

It is allowed.

I would imagine he wants to shower after being in the sauna. What should be do instead?

Would a woman showering around girls also be a paedophile/pervert too?

Yorick, you have to accept people are comfortable with differing levels of nudity in changing rooms etc. Myself and my peers hated the enforced nudity for schools showers after PE. It felt shameful and somewhat abusive. No one should be put in that type of situation. Thankfully enforced nudity in school showers is rare now.

Yes, other countries have different cultural norms, however you cannot just enforce a new culture onto children.

Regarding nudity in adult changing rooms minors will feel vulnerable. If it is vital that the club use the facility, then yes, they do need to do something to put minds at rest.

I think requiring adults to cover up in public is a small price to pay if it stops DC being confused and abused. It's harder to explain that sometimes it's okay to be naked in front of people and sometimes it's not.

1. a changing room is not a public place

2. a changing room is a place where there is an expectation of some form of nakedness during the changing process and therefore anyone using said changing room should be prepared for this

3. it is not the prerogative of strangers to change their (perfectly reasonable for the situation) behaviour to account for your child's sensitivities

4. "Darling, I know we've always taught you that your genitals are a private area but when we go the public swimming pool we have to change in the same space as other people so you may see their genitals. This is perfectly normal behaviour and does not change anything we have taught you. If they try to touch you or stare at you when you're changing tell your coach/an adult but otherwise just carry on as normal." That is neither hard or confusing

*I would imagine he wants to shower after being in the sauna. What should be do instead?

Would a woman showering around girls also be a paedophile/pervert too?*

Yes I don't know any adult that would do this in front of other people's children.
Totally unacceptable.
I would go a different day or go to a different centre. Surely any non perverted would.

Yes I don't know any adult that would do this in front of other people's children.

Well I do. I don’t give a fuck if there are children in the room or not - I need to shower when I’ve finished at the gym, the showers are communal and no individual showers available. What’s the alternative? Do I just have to stay in my sweaty gym kit in case someone else’s child sees my naked body?

And what’s the cutoff? I can be naked in front of anyone of teenage age? Tiny children with their parents present? No one over the age of 16?

I would love to know your suggestion for my hygiene after the gym - please do share...

Yorick, you have to accept people are comfortable with differing levels of nudity in changing rooms etc.

No, you need to accept that communal showers and changing rooms are for showering and changing, and this will involve nudity. If you don't like it, don't use them. But you can't dictate to others what to do.

Myself and my peers hated the enforced nudity for schools showers after PE.

I am sorry to hear this, but it is nothing to do with paying patrons using leisure centres.

Yes, other countries have different cultural norms, however you cannot just enforce a new culture onto children.

I haven't said anything about other cultures, but anyway. It is perfectly normal to be naked in a communal shower and changing room. I was briefly naked in one just this morning. Nobody ran screaming (although perhaps they should have done).

If it is vital that the club use the facility, then yes, they do need to do something to put minds at rest.

If they want exclusive use of the facilities, they must come to an arrangement with the centre. If for any reason they don't, they must abide by the centre's rules if they wish to stay there. And the centre's rules are that in this time, other people are allowed to use the sauna, showers and changing rooms.

As it is, your issues around nudity are not anyone else's problem, least of all a man who is using the leisure centre as he frequently does. If you have issues, seek therapy, but the world at large does not have to change to adapt to what you personally find comfortable. If you do not like communal changing rooms, don't use them.

Yes I don't know any adult that would do this in front of other people's children.

You would have had a fit at my leisure centre this morning. I took my toddler there for our parent and child group swimming lesson. The communal changing room had several mothers in there showering and changing. We were all briefly naked at one point, mothers and toddlers. I had a conversation with a little girl while I got changed. Nobody gave a shit.

Is this really not normal where you live?

What should you do OP? Keep your child out of the club and leave the poor man to use the facilities correctly as he currently is. This is your problem not his and why should he have to put up with people like you whispering behind his back?

Nice, sympathetic attitude, there Yorick. As it is, I've very few issues around nudity. However I am not an exhibitionist and do not see the need to shower naked, if no one else is doing so. Shower in a costume, great. The costume is rinsed at the same time. This fear over being even slightly sweaty mystifies me. Tbh I would quite happily use a gym or pool and then shower at home. If you've been swimming around in chlorinated water, happily, for a good hour or so, 20 minutes longer until a shower will not hurt.

But parents can complain about anything.

Well blah, I could complain that the walls in my leisure centre are magnolia and not purple. Doesn't mean I'm not a fruitcake.

And briefly partial unclothed, whilst changing, is completely different to having a lengthy shower completely naked, in front of a swimming club of boys in their trunks.

And if the parents and others complaining bring in the most revenue then the leisure centre will have to tackle this issue or risk losing a substantial amount of business.

However I am not an exhibitionist and do not see the need to shower naked, if no one else is doing so...This fear over being even slightly sweaty mystifies me.,, If you've been swimming around in chlorinated water, happily, for a good hour or so, 20 minutes longer until a shower will not hurt.

If you think showering naked after swimming is exhibitionism and not, I don't know, not wanting chlorine in your vagina and under your boobs all day, that shows what terrible issues you have. I am sorry for them, but I'm not going to be uncomfortable and dirty all day after swimming, or waste another half an hour of my time and change my clothes twice more just because you think there's something wrong with using a shower properly.

And nor should anyone else who uses a leisure centre.

If you think showering naked after swimming is exhibitionism

It is if no one else does so in that particular changing room at that time (I.e. when children's lessons take place).

And even our drinking water is chlorinated. So you will be exposed to chlorine on your body to some degree anyway.

It is if no one else does so in that particular changing room at that time (I.e. when children's lessons take place).

No it's not. Showering naked is normal and proper. It's not influenced by what others are doing. Unless they're at a wedding or something.

And even our drinking water is chlorinated. So you will be exposed to chlorine on your body to some degree anyway.

And I'm still going to clean my body thoroughly after swimming in chlorine and toddler wee, thank you.