What would you do about this?

[whattodoaboutman]

I am posting this here for traffic. I don't know how to deal with this or if I am blowing it out of all proportion.

A local man is a frequent user of the local sports centre. Many people know him as he's there so often.

When there is a children's sports club on the pool is closed to the public but the sauna is still open. This man will use the sauna and then walk into the changing rooms and strip off when the room has about 20 children in there and then shower naked next to the boys in the shower which is also communal.

He then goes to change and stands next to the boys who are getting changed, the boys find this intimidating. There are no separate cubicles yet, though they will be provided soon according to the centre management.

I think this is inappropriate but when it has been mentioned to the club safeguarding person and centre management nothing has been done.

What should I do ?

I honestly don't understand how some of you manage to leave the house without exploding.

Yorick, just because I disagree with you does not mean I'm not perfectly calm. I'm perfectly happy to shower in a swim suit in communal pool changing rooms. If this was really not the norm, as with the examples in other countries where this is not allowed, I would follow suit and shower naked. Not my preference in a communal shower but I am able to do this. I tend to follow suit and fit in (regardless of signage) where possible when this is reasonable.

However, I have never come across pool changing rooms in this country where showering naked and not wearing bathing suits is the norm. In the example the OP gives no one else in the changing room was showering without their swim suit. Added to that a whole class of children felt uncomfortable and this was pointed out to the changing room user in question. In that situation I would certainly adjust my behaviour if I were that changing room user.

I don’t understand your desperation to make this into something other than the simplistic explaination yorick

lilting, nobody, but nobody, has suggested you should shower naked if you don't want to. It's your choice. Nobody cares.

But you don't share the same consideration. You have continually moralised and sexualised the issue, attempting to guilt trip me by dressing up your prejudices and offence as 'consideration' and 'flexibility'. You have implied, more than once, that if I don't bow to your issues, I must have a sexual motive. For showering.

That's pretty offensive. Extremely offensive. More so than showering.

Quite apart from your hogwash, we've got others who think changing and showering is the same as 'leering', made bizarre comparisons to men entering women's changing rooms, one poster who thinks it's one small step to wanking in the boys' clothes, and several people who, like you, just absolutely cannot grasp that nudity is not always sexual. And that your issues are not my problem.

It is insane. And yes, I do not understand how people with these thought processes leave the house without exploding.

I plan to have a swim later and I'll be in the communal showers for about five minutes afterwards. I won't think anything of it (though I'll be reminded of this thread). But if I were you, I'd be obsessed with thoughts of sex and exhibitionism and discomfort and why isn't everyone just going home to do the whole palaver twice and my preferences and pockets of cultural norms and oh my bloody God I can't be bothered.

Seriously. I don't know how you do it. But I really bloody hope you get over yourself and stop.

Cherry, the simplest explanation is that the guy wants to shower. I've read a few of your posts elsewhere though and they're always bonkers so I usually ignore them.

You don’t seem to be able to ignore them do you? I think you’re just trying to be dismissive of anyone who doesn’t agree with you.

Yorick, you are the one who repeatedly mentioned 'sexual motives' not me. I fully understand showering naked need not be sexual. Equally it might be when there are others present. I hold no prejudices, one way or the other. However, if a behaviour which can easily be adjusted, is causing discomfort in others, especially a whole class of children, I would happily adjust. Just the same as I can adjust my language or avoid certain hand gestures, eye contact, lack of eye contact, as the situation dictates, dependent on the group of people I was spending time with.

YABU OP. You cannot expect the world to conform to 'unwritten rules' that each make up according to their own beliefs.

This man is doing nothing wrong and is abiding by the rules at the club where he is a member and also has a right to use the facilities.

If the teens or parents don't like this, the solution is for the club to hire the whole facility and for the participants to pay the additional fee accordingly.

Surely though if there are no cubicles provided then this man will have to be naked at some point while getting changed.

I think he sees no issue with his routine because it's a male changing room and they are all males, having the same anatomy, nothing to see here. Plus, he likes using the facilities at a certain time, he pays for it, they are open then...

I swam in a hot river in Iceland. There were sort of open cubicles/not very good screens to help with modesty in getting changed. Interestingly there we were along with several other British travellers wrapped in towels, squashed into the corners trying to reveal as little as possible and being generally awkward. While the locals just stripped off and got on with it. The travel guide actually warned about this. In the end I gave up, was quite liberating.

As someone upthread said, being naked shouldn't be confused with sexual behaviour, not in a shower or changing area anyway.

Its not necessarily sexual its just common decency to keep trunks on.
And it's not because he is a bloke I would say the same for a woman.

He is still able to use the facilities he is paying for for gods sake just with trunks on. It's no big deal he can still wash properly.

And it's not because he is a bloke I would say the same for a woman.

It would still be just as silly.

But my point is that at some point the guy is going to be naked...OP says there aren't cubicles. In communal change areas I just get on with getting dried and dressed, silly to be wrapping the towel around you, struggling because a child might look at your nethers which incidently are the same as yours anyway.

I don't know this centre obviously but surely it's just as likely for a couple of guys to come in and use the showers after squash or tennis and not bring trunks. It's a single sex area.

I have to admit though that if people had complained I'd wear a suit although in reality I probably wouldn't go again

I wouldn't want to shower in my swimming costume. And why are 20 boys intimidated by one man? Does he talk to them? Is there no adult to supervise them?

I also wouldn't join a centre that doesn't have separate showers and changing rooms.

Not a lot the centre can do apart from close the sauna at those times.

Our local pool has male and female changing rooms/showers and family changing room/showers. In this situation, I imagine the boys would use the family changing room.

What's the age range of these boys

Don’t take up archery. You spectacularly miss the point.

No, I'm not missing the point at all. I have no issue with male primary teachers, scout leaders and coaches, my boys have had males in all these scenarios. My DH was a stay at home dad so my DSs were more used to men in a caring environment so when DS2 was having trouble settling in nursery they were actively looking to see of one of the male staff from another nursery could come to help settle him. In the end he didn't need it as he discovered the computer....

The point I am making is that all these people go through checks and have appropriate rules to work inside that reduce the threat and they would never be in a position where they were naked with the pupils/scouts etc.

If all this bloke is doing is going about his business then fine, but it would be good if he were able to adjust his routine slightly in order to consider others given that there is one of him and 20 of them. It's the fact that he chooses not to and is potentially standing closer to the boys than he might need to and that they have expressed unease rather than just laughing it off that means that this particular situation would raise a red flag.

There are also adjustments that can be made by the club, the sports centre etc but as some of those adjustments would inconvenience this man himself then once again it's makes you wonder why he wouldn't just get showered and changed earlier or at least be more discrete. he could be cutting off his nose to spite his face here.

As in anything, the simplest of explanations is usually correct, so it's most likely that he isn't a predator and that he doesn't want to alter his routine just because he is stubborn. In doing so, he stands to risk losing access to the sauna or being accused of something.

This post i am sure would not even exist if a female was changing/showering in front of pre teen/teen girls. We have alot to be worried about in todays society but sometimes things are innocent and as they seem.

Its not necessarily sexual its just common decency to keep trunks on.
And it's not because he is a bloke I would say the same for a woman.
How do I get changed if I have to keep my costume on?

How do I get changed if I have to keep my costume on?

Go into a, cubicle

There isn't a cubicle in this case is there? Because it has been decided by the business as some point that single sex open plan changing rooms are fine.

If I was asked by my sports centre (who don't provide cubicles) not to be naked in the shower/changing room. I'd ask what they would suggest or when they were going to change their provision.

Then you get discreetly changed with a towel wrapped around.

It's just all about self modesty.

I mentioned a hot river in Iceland earlier. But I didn't mention the Blue Lagoon...single sex changing rooms. I tried the towel thing before I noticed that literally everyone else (many different nationalities) was wandering about naked. The showers have cubicles but no hooks for towels inside they are back near the entrance and you are requested to shower naked. Yes, you could take your cozzie in and change in the cubicle. I did actually but I was the one getting weird looks.

The fact is we are weird and prudish about nakedness. I hear discussions between mums of young children about whether their DH should cross from the bathroom to the bedroom in their own homes whilst naked because tiny DD might see.

This is a male, in a male changing room with other males doing normal changing room activities. There is no suggestion of any impropriety here. Plus any threat is instantly removed by a coach accompanying the boys in the changing room...mind you then he'd be "watching"...talk about a mine field.