What would you do about this?

[whattodoaboutman]

I am posting this here for traffic. I don't know how to deal with this or if I am blowing it out of all proportion.

A local man is a frequent user of the local sports centre. Many people know him as he's there so often.

When there is a children's sports club on the pool is closed to the public but the sauna is still open. This man will use the sauna and then walk into the changing rooms and strip off when the room has about 20 children in there and then shower naked next to the boys in the shower which is also communal.

He then goes to change and stands next to the boys who are getting changed, the boys find this intimidating. There are no separate cubicles yet, though they will be provided soon according to the centre management.

I think this is inappropriate but when it has been mentioned to the club safeguarding person and centre management nothing has been done.

What should I do ?

And I agree with melj.

FFS he is obviously a predator.

It would be interesting to know if he goes at this time regardless of whether the Dc are there or not. I am pretty sure though that his "routine" could be altered quite easily with a 5 minute adjustment to get showered and changed before Dc arrive.

If he is entirely innocent which is the most likely scenario, then he is opening himself up to a risk of accusation that would probably best be avoided. It would only take a couple of the boys to say that he was touching himself while watching them in the showers to spark of an investigation and if he is getting dried and dressed then that would be hard to disprove. If it was a relative or friend of mine then I'd be telling him not to lay himself open to that risk.

So it's appropriate for one adult to choose to shower naked when with twenty or so boys who are nothing to do with him?

In a communal change room, during opening hours, after a sauna provided by the centre? Um, yeah. He's not doing anything wrong.

Can you spell out the issue because I genuinely don't understand it?

When I worked close to my leisure centre I used to use the facilities during my lunch hour so was there at the same time most days and saw a lot of the same faces. I hope none of those people automatically assumed I deliberately picked those times to be there changing when they were

I wonder if the kids are getting changed at the end of their session, I assume at which time the pool reopens for public access? Say if swimming was 3pm-4pm and they're getting changed around 4:10/4:15pm, when the pool is open to everyone again?

He’s a frequent user. The op says so. She says he’s there often. It’s reasonable to assume this is his routine.

For how long have the boys been there? Did his going to the sauna and changing pre date the boys being there I wonder

I suspect if you looked at the very many other times a week this man visits he showers naked then too. He is simply going about his business as normal and ignoring the kids . He actually is not doing anything wrong.

The issue is uou wish him to shower in his swimwear when kids are around and your son is intimidated. I think if you and your son cannot deal with this he needs to stop going, he will see naked men showering in changing rooms, it's really quite normal. Just like a girl would see a naked women. You son should not be intimidated by simply a naked body in a changing room.

Unless uou are going to drip feed this man does something other than simply shower and get changed then you need to deal with uou and your sons issues. That's all you can control.

It would be interesting to know if he goes at this time regardless of whether the Dc are there or not.

The OP admits that this person is a regular patron of the leisure centre, so I doubt he's just there for that one session. Also, as earlier it's all about context - if he was only going to that one session then it might be more of an issue as it could appear that he is targetting that session because it is a group of children in a changing room but if he goes regularly and that is just one of many regular sessions then knowing if he is always there at that time is as interesting as knowing anyone's daily schedule.

Perhaps this man chooses to use the sauna as it is both convenient - eg straight after a gym session elsewhere in the centre; or works nearby and he would normally swim in his lunch hour but on the kids sports days he keeps to his routine but just does the sauna instead; or he uses the facilities as part of a fitness/physio/health program and he structures it to use the sauna when the pool is closed etcetc - and guaranteed to be quiet - if the pool is closed then perhaps most patrons avoid the centre during those hours as it isn't convenient (if they use the pool as part/all of their daily session and know the pool will be off limits between 1-3 on Tuesdays which is when they usually use the centre then they may just skip the Tuesday session or come earlier/later) and the centre may just have thge time blocked off on their website/opening times so casual users don't know it's just the pool that is out of use.

At my local council gym they do not allow anybody to be naked in the open communal showers. Even toddlers ! I witnessed the lifeguard tell a Grandad the other day that it was not acceptable for the little boy to be naked in the open shower cubicles. It's safeguarding.They must know the dodgy characters around who get off on seeing this. I also witnessed a man suggestively soaping his nether regions and he was told off by the same lifeguard.He said "I've told you before about this".You can't even use a mobile phone by the pool area.In what parallel universe would it be OK ?

@pizzicato
Op isn't talking about open communal showers. She's talking about the showers inside the male changing room.

I think the guy could shower in shorts or change his routine.

I find it inappropriate that he has been told this makes the children uncomfortable but he continues to do it.

Seriously, who would still want to shower naked in front of kids when you had been asked to consider not doing so?

If I was a parent of one of those kids I wouldn't like it either.

I don't think he's doing anything inappropriate.

It could be totally innocent & a coincidental or him taking advantage of the time for the sauna to be quiet, however if so was after the P&Q that I normally am, I wouldn't want to endure a load of children in the changing rooms.

If I was you & had a gut feeling of being concerned; or any other inkling/shred of evidence, what I would do is have a word with the police who can log/advise/check records.

If I was you & had a gut feeling of being concerned; or any other inkling/shred of evidence, what I would do is have a word with the police who can log/advise/check records.

A gut feeling isn't evidence, and the police will not investigate someone using a public sauna and changing facilities.

Why the fuck would they?

I think the guy could shower in shorts or change his routine

He could, but he is not obliged to as he is doing nothing wrong.

I find it inappropriate that he has been told this makes the children uncomfortable but he continues to do it.

I find it inappropriate that a patron is using the facilities in a perfectly acceptable and appropriate way is being told he has to modify his behaviour because another group is choosing to use the facilities without paying for exclusive use but expect to be able to dictate how other patrons behave.

Seriously, who would still want to shower naked in front of kids when you had been asked to consider not doing so?

Someone who knows they are doing nothing wrong and and no intention of changing their behaviour when it is appropriate for the context and they have no obligation to change anything

If I was a parent of one of those kids I wouldn't like it either.

Then you either insist the group pays for exclusive use of the facilities, ask the group to use another facility or remove your child from the group. You can control what your child experiences but you have no control over other people's actions if they are nto breaking any rules and/or laws

I think the guy could shower in shorts or change his routine.

Why should he have to?

Applauding @melj1213.

what I would do is have a word with the police who can log/advise/check records.

Hello, police? Yes, there is a man who uses the sauna from 1-3 every Tuesday at My child's sports club has exclusive use of the pool but the rest of the centre is open to the public. When he finishes his session he goes to the changing room, showers and changes but he does it while naked whilst there are children in the vicinity! No he isn't naked in any public areas, just the changing room ... no, the pool doesn't have a rule about swimsuits being worn in showers ... there isn't actually cubicles/a private area for him to use to change separate from the children but I think it's inappropriate and needs reporting."

Yeah, good luck not being laughed out of the place

This is a man choosing to use the facilities at this time despite not being involved in the club, and having been spoken to by management about how it is viewed.
Because it is open for him to use! It's not for the club members only.

This is a man choosing to use the facilities at this time despite not being involved in the club, and having been spoken to by management about how it is viewed.
Because it is open for him to use! It's not for the club members only.

Does he have an erection when he’s showering?

Oh come on now, there are no cubicles. Where else will he hang his towel?

I think it is a safeguarding issue for whoever is running the session with the boys. They should be supervised if there us a random man in there washing naked amongst children who have indicated they feel uncomfortable.

To all of those saying its all perfectly normal and he is perfectly entitled to shower naked, don't the 20 boys' feelings matter? Not even a little bit? I think some of you are being disingenious. He may just be someone who likes his schedule, but there is something not right about him blithley continuing with his routine despite being asked not to.

It's very sad but paedophiles behave exactly like this to normalise certain behaviours as it makes it easier to abuse children. Some men do get off on exhibitionism, or wanking over kids clothes in a changing room. It is unlikely that this man is showering for any of those reasons, but why would he not worry about making kids feel uncomfortable. It's entirely possible some of those boys have not seen adult male genitals. A bit of consideration wouldn't go amiss

I suspect the sports centre people need to be more assertive and tell him to wait until the changing rooms are clear of the kids group.
If you are still worried, look up the number of you local safeguarding team on the internet and ask them for some advice.

I wouldn't worry about this OP. It won't be long before he can call himself Margaret and do exactly the same in the girls changing rooms.