What would you do about this?

[whattodoaboutman]

I am posting this here for traffic. I don't know how to deal with this or if I am blowing it out of all proportion.

A local man is a frequent user of the local sports centre. Many people know him as he's there so often.

When there is a children's sports club on the pool is closed to the public but the sauna is still open. This man will use the sauna and then walk into the changing rooms and strip off when the room has about 20 children in there and then shower naked next to the boys in the shower which is also communal.

He then goes to change and stands next to the boys who are getting changed, the boys find this intimidating. There are no separate cubicles yet, though they will be provided soon according to the centre management.

I think this is inappropriate but when it has been mentioned to the club safeguarding person and centre management nothing has been done.

What should I do ?

Katharina was about to say the same. Think a lot on here best not venture to anywhere Scandinavian, where nudity is the norm and those in swimwear would attract more attention.
How can you possibly clean yourself properly after a sauna whilst wearing swimwear?

Anyone with any common sense knows that if you’re a peadophile the swimming pool changing room, Timed just right, is the best place to be

I can honestly say I did not know that. How did you come by that information?

No, you said I was 'inflexible' and lacking in 'consideration' and made implications about exhibitionism, which is the same thing. Give it a rest

Well, you would refuse to shower in a costume and claim you would change pools if this was a requirement. That seems pretty inflexible to me. Some people are exhibitionists. An absolute insistence on being nude in communal pool showers (especially when it has been pointed out this is offending the other customers as in the OP's example) does lead people to question why insist.

You are not the thread police and have no authority to insist I 'give it a rest', Yorick. For someone who claims they are not inconsiderate or inflexible your instruction would seem somewhat incongruous.

It's weird to me I'd feel completely uncomfortable changing in front of kids or adults tbh, so avoid both.

The guy sounds creepy. It's just as creepy as chicks having their tits out by the kiddie swimming area at topless resorts.

@Cherrycokewinning - there is nothing to suggest that this man is a paedophile. He hasn't approached a boy. It doesn't sound like he's even spoken to them or looked at them. He's just been naked in the shower and then got dressed.

I've never showered in a communal area where anyone was naked except the kids I'd be horrified to come face to face with some strangers todger thanks very much.

Pooryorik- 15 years of working in the police sexual crimes unit?

Or,

When I was 12 a man stared at me in the showers, whilst he was stark naked. It’s easy to see as an adult what was going on. I was too embarrassed to complain because I was 12.

I saw far worse at work. But never will I doubt children uncomfortable in changing rooms.

Think about it- if you want to see nure children where is better?!

*nude children

Well, you would refuse to shower in a costume and claim you would change pools if this was a requirement.

Yes. If a pool didn't accommodate my preferences, I'd frequent one that did. Not go alongside people who were acting entirely within their rights and rules, and whinge that they were being 'inconsiderate' towards me.

That's not inflexibility, it's me taking responsibility for my own preferences and not attempting to force them on others. Something you could do well to learn.

Some people are exhibitionists. An absolute insistence on being nude in communal pool showers (especially when it has been pointed out this is offending the other customers as in the OP's example) does lead people to question why insist.

Well allow me to answer that question. Some of us, after swimming in water full of chlorine and urine, like to wash properly.

If you can't understand that this isn't sexual, and think that we are doing it because of YOU, that it is some sort of 'insistence', the problem is entirely yours.

And your problem is not my responsibility. You don't have to shower naked if you don't want to, and I don't have to waste time and stay dirty because you can't desexualise the act of showering.

Let me put it this way. You are, again, implying that I am a sexual deviant because I 'insist' on washing properly after immersing myself in human soup. You're entitled to be wrong, and prudish, and sex-obsessed, but you're NOT entitled to try to make me change my perfectly normal behaviour because it offends you for no good reason.

Exercise some of your own 'consideration' and accept that my washing preferences are not sexual or about YOU.

Hygiene. Wouldn't want to brush against your arse print on the tiles
But that could happen in private showers in exactly the same way as it could in the communal ones.

We're always telling kids to trust their gut feelings about these issues and they have said they are uncomfortable about the situation and people are saying they should just ignore those feelings?
Not ignore, no. Talk to them about their feelings and discuss the issues. Teach them how to deal with their own difficult feelings around situations where it is unreasonable to expect the other person to change their behaviour.

It is true that nothing can be proven at this stage, as to whether or not this man is a paedophile. But it is also true that this situation (i.e. the leisure centre allowing this to happen) is a paedophile's paradise, and most men would avoid being in such a situation as they know that their intentions would appear questionable.

I think it should be down to the leisure centre to close the sauna during the children's club time. If my sons were in this situation, I would not be as relaxed about it as some people on this thread claim to be.

He may well not be a paedophile, but if he is, then these boys are at risk.

Hygiene. Wouldn't want to brush against your arse print on the tiles

What? Who showers by spreading their cheeks and pressing their bumhole against the wall?

Prudes are the most sex obsessed because they can't desexualise ANYTHING. You can't possibly be showering naked because you've been swimming in wee, it must be SEXUAL. You shouldn't shower naked in a communal space because people press their anuses against the wall, apparently. It's so SEXUAL.

I've got a pretty healthy sex drive, but even I can't imagine being this obsessed with it. Dear God.

on washing properly after immersing myself in human soup.

I'm surprised you even go swimming if you are so bothered about the human soup.....

For someone not obsessed with sex you are talking about it an awful lot, Yorick. And you can stop projecting your own thoughts onto me, thank you.

Had this at a sports centre near me.

There was a screaming match between one of the dads and the offender. The managers came out and said this has been going on for years- I removed my child.

It doesn't sound like he's even spoken to them or looked at them.

And you know this how? He could be eyeing them up, getting thrills and wanking on the memory for all we know. Equally he could just be having a shower and getting changed. None of us knows.

Anyone with any common sense knows that if you’re a peadophile the swimming pool changing room, Timed just right, is the best place to be

Anyone knows that? I didn't. . How do you know? How do you know what paedophiles think?

Yeah as I said wonderlime I have worked with many paedophiles. However I’d also expect it to be common sense that they like to see naked children?!

And they tell you, during police interviews, that changing rooms are their favourite place to be?

And if it's part of your occupation, why would you assume 'anyone' would know that?

I'm surprised you even go swimming if you are so bothered about the human soup...

I've got a toddler who enjoys his swimming lessons, and some joint issues that mean it's sometimes the only form of exercise that I can do. Was there any other personal choice I had to justify to you? Oh yes...

For someone not obsessed with sex you are talking about it an awful lot, Yorick. And you can stop projecting your own thoughts onto me, thank you.

I love this. Love it, love it, love it.

YOU have decided that my 'insistence' on washing properly is a sign that I might be a sexual exhibitionist. Because, er....some people are. (Some people are also pyromaniacs. I lit candles for dinner tonight. Yikes!)

YOU have gone on and on about your 'preferences' and how uncomfortable you are with people being naked while they shower or change.

YOU have turned showering into a moral and sexual act, over and over again.

And you have now decided that I am the one who can't stop thinking about sex, and am projecting onto you.

Couldn't make this up.

Oh wonder lime bless you. Just think about what you’ve said for 30 seconds

I thought the fast majority of child abuse happens from known, trusted adults, not some Joe Bloggs in a changing room.

But you would know that because it's your career, right?

Yes but once you exclude family, you’re left with joe Bloggs in the Changing room. Think about it- how do you reckon kids who aren’t from a family of rapists get sexually assaulted?