What would you do about this?

[whattodoaboutman]

I am posting this here for traffic. I don't know how to deal with this or if I am blowing it out of all proportion.

A local man is a frequent user of the local sports centre. Many people know him as he's there so often.

When there is a children's sports club on the pool is closed to the public but the sauna is still open. This man will use the sauna and then walk into the changing rooms and strip off when the room has about 20 children in there and then shower naked next to the boys in the shower which is also communal.

He then goes to change and stands next to the boys who are getting changed, the boys find this intimidating. There are no separate cubicles yet, though they will be provided soon according to the centre management.

I think this is inappropriate but when it has been mentioned to the club safeguarding person and centre management nothing has been done.

What should I do ?

Basically on MN:
Male CHILDREN ‘invading’ female changing room with their parent = wrong.
Man behaving inappropriately in changing room that said male children should apparently be sent off to alone to ‘protect’ the girls = absolutely fine.

Fuck. Sake.

my husband faces this situation often. He will be showering (naked) and a load of children come in. Other men may also be naked at the same time. He would prefer it if the children were not there (racket, silliness etc), but there is a cross over.

The answer is to move the children’s swimming time so it doesn’t clash with paying public times but the school don’t. Therefore there cannot be an issue with the naked men.

I suggest op, you ask that your kids swim session is moved to protect their eyes from seeing another human, in a CHANGING room or SHOWER who is naked. Then maybe buy a wetsuit for your child and you also.

Tellseveryonerealfacts - oh this made me laugh 😂

What's funny?

You know, if Changing Man has been subjected to some of the prudish, sex-obsessed nonsense displayed on this thread, it wouldn't surprise me if he's doing it just to make a point and piss people off. Which wouldn't be nice of him but I can understand why he'd be irritated by prudes assuming that he's some sort of pervert or deviant (or 'inconsiderate') because he wants to wash normally after getting sweaty.

Man behaving inappropriately in changing room - by changing and showering? That's all OP has said the man does. The replies would be very different if she had described any actual inappropriate behaviour.

There may well be pockets of society where preferring privacy whilst changing is the cultural norm amongst those people.

Oh now you're just grasping at straws. It's totally normal to be naked in a single sex shower/changing room and you know it. You just don't like it, so you'd rather try to guilt trip those of us without your issues by telling us we are 'inconsiderate' or 'inflexible' or implying that we're sexual exhibitionists.

If you think you live in one of these imaginary 'pockets of society' where it's so unacceptable, then as I said...go ahead and complain to your leisure centre that people are sometimes naked in the showers and changing room.

You haven't, have you?

Oh, FFS, he's a man getting changed in a men's changing room. And he's naked. How offensive that you would assume that makes him some sort of sexual predator.

I'm trying to consider how I would feel if someone told me that I was making girls uncomfortable by being naked in the women's changing room. On the assumption that my nakedness suggested I was some sort of sexual predator. I'd be highly offended and possibly so outraged at the implication that I'd carry on doing what I've been doing because I'm NOT a sexual predator. I'm a naked woman in women's changing facility, thank you very much. I'd assume the girls had seen their mums naked so why would me being naked be intimidating or offensive? Same with the boys and their Dads.

Man behaving inappropriately in changing room

If showering and changing is inappropriate behaviour in a changing room then what the actual fuck is it for and what is appropriate behaviour for a normal person who wants to wash and put on their clothes after using the facilities?!

The fact that the man chooses not to wear his swimsuit - which breaks neither laws or rules - in a single sex changing room regardless of who is there is as much his choice as the boys' choice to shower in their swimsuits.

Yorick, I started my preferences regarding changing rooms. I never said nudity in changing rooms was unacceptable absolutely. Merely, accurately, pointed out nudity is no always the accepted norm across every communal changing room. This is not a particularly shocking thing to say. Many adults, as pointed out on this thread, prefer not to be nude in communal changing rooms when there are children present. In our school PE changing rooms everyone preferred to cover up as much as possible. When I am in communal pool changing rooms I shower in my costume then wear a towel to get dressed . For lots of people this is the preference. Most I have encountered people do the same as I do. I am surprised you feel so passionately regarding your perceived 'right' to shower naked. If it is the accepted norm I put up with it. I don't actually think it is because this does not happen in most of the communal pool changing rooms I have been to.

In are local pool (uk) in single sex changing rooms there are signs up saying that swimming costumes are to be kept on whilst showering to respect all customers and also hygiene reasons.

At a spa/ gym I went to recently all showers where in separate cubicle with a door.

In both places there was no need to be naked in front of any one at any point.

Oh give it a rest, liltingleaf. Anyone who cares to read your posts will see your nonsense about 'inflexibility', 'inconsideration' and all the rest of it because you're offended by a person showering naked in a single sex changing room.

And now that you keep going on about it being only a preference, perhaps you will respect our preferences to use the facilities as they are intended without implying that it makes us selfish deviants. Won't you be 'considerate' of my wish to wash properly after swimming in chlorine and urine? Given that, unlike you, we have not once tried to imply that you should follow our preferences if you don't want to?

@llamaparades, if there's an actual sign saying that it's not permitted in this particular room, that's another matter. If you use those facilities, you agree to follow the rules. (Personally I'd go elsewhere.) In the absence of any such sign, it's a fair assumption that it's ok to be naked in a shower.

and some people are just bullies in all forms of life.

Naked showering is requested not to happen in my local pool and gym. I only go in the women's and it's respected there. I think it's not unreasonable to ask people to keep swimwear on in communal areas.

Stop putting words into my mouth, Yorick. People are perfectly able to read my posts without your hyperbolic interpretation of them. Why are you so keen to put words into my mouth? I never, anywhere, said I was offended.

The Op states the man is a regular user of the sports centre, so obviously doesn’t just happen to turn up when the kids club is on. If he showers in the same way each time he’s there, why should he change his routine just because there happens to be a group of children there. He pays good money to use the centre’s sauna and is entitled to shower after. Some leisure centres and spas don’t even allow the wearing of swimwear in the sauna, would seem very stupid to have to put them on just to shower.

It's actually quite fascinating how different things are in other European countries. I go to a spa and thermal baths in Germany. You must shower naked, not in swimwear, for hygiene reasons. Saunas are strictly nude, mixed sex and allow kids from age 12. So careful if you decide to go to the continent for your holidays.

I think it's not unreasonable to ask people to keep swimwear on in communal areas.

However it is in the OP's case. As the man has no option but to use the communal area due to there not being any private cubicles and there is no rule at that particular leisure centre that prohibits patrons from showering sans swimwear, I think it would be unreasonable to ask him to wear swimwear just because some other patrons don't like it.

Haven't RTFT. When doing swimming lessons or holiday club swimming etc and I mean a big group. We close the pool to the public. As stated in your OP. As the children are under 8, girls and boys all go in one room for safety reasons. We do not let the children enter until the changing room is clear from the adults swim, even if it means waiting an extra 10 mins and going in late. That is our policy and we've always stuck with it. The man is doing no wrong but I feel the school and swimming place need to implement a policy as to not have to put the children and adults who attend in that situation. We also lock the changing room from the outside and no one is allowed in until after our lessons have finished. Children get out the pool to use the toilet.
I will state the man is doing no wrong but he is also being placed in an awkward situation

Why do they find it intimidating? I'm a girl and I wouldn't be intimidated if a woman naked showered in the same area as me in the public swimming baths

Stop putting words into my mouth, Yorick. People are perfectly able to read my posts without your hyperbolic interpretation of them. Why are you so keen to put words into my mouth? I never, anywhere, said I was offended.

No, you said I was 'inflexible' and lacking in 'consideration' and made implications about exhibitionism, which is the same thing. Give it a rest. Nobody without issues cares how you or I shower, but some of us do care about others attempting to foist their preferences upon us.

Some leisure centres and spas don’t even allow the wearing of swimwear in the sauna

Gotta say...I love a good hot sauna, but I definitely protect my bits!

I think it is inconsiderate to expect others to discomit themselves to cater to your personal foibles/hang-ups.

Yes yes and yes.

Oh I just realised I was imaging this as being teenage boys. I think it depends on the age of the boys.

Teenage boys I think would be a greyish area but generally ok

Little boys I can totally understand that they would find it weird and intimidating but then surely they would have a parent/guardian/teacher there who could have a word with the man and help the boys feel safe

This does make me laugh. Anyone with any common sense knows that if you’re a peadophile the swimming pool changing room,
Timed just right, is the best place to be