To wonder if you can actually meet someone nice when obese?

[silenthorror]

Before I get flamed to a crisp, I’m 100% talking about me!

I need to lose a good 5stone to be a healthy BMI, although generally speaking I can live with being a stone or so overweight. So 4stone at a minimum.

I’ve never had any interest from men really. And I can’t help but think it’s the fact I’m fat My parents used to lecture me about it and say I was just too big and it would put most boys off.

I know people will say they are overweight with a lovely husband but were you that size when you met?

I would welcome honesty

I know a guy who exclusively like women who are obese. Not to the point of immobility, but very fat. If you don't want to lose weight you could perhaps look in BBW type circles?

Confidence is sexy.

Work on boosting yours and you'll find you have no problem.

I also find a sense of humour is attractive, don't want to be stuck with a boring person.

I keep trying midnight and sometimes I succeed but then gain it again. Part of the problem ironically is loneliness!

I hate being called 'bubbly' almost as much as I hate being called 'feisty' 🙄

@DisneySenior your post made me so sad. Your life should never pass you by because of your perceptions about how you look. You should be up on that dance floor - you don't look ridiculous, I promise, you just look like you're living life! You can't put everything off waiting for when you're slim to be 'allowed' to do things - you're allowed now!

I asked my other half what attracted him to my profile (we met on OLD) and he said he genuinely didn't even notice the excess weight - he was attracted to me because I looked happy (my profile pic is of me in a vintagey style dress, pissing myself laughing at my mate who was photographing me because she was drunk-wobbling on a picnic table trying to get 'paparazzi angles'). He didn't see fat, he saw joy. Get up and dance - people won't see ridiculous, they'll see a beautiful love of life.

Honestly, I don’t think it’s a confidence or sense of humour thing. I know some very shy, serious women who are slim and in relationships. Whereas “bubbly” me never is

I agree with others it's about how your confidence glows. I'm mid thirties and only had 2 relationships. I'm a size 8 - although have been 10-12 during pregnancies.
I don't have many friends but I do notice the bigger mum's on the school run ooze confidence and personality. Most have partners.
My ex was a xxxl size and he was gorgeous, had the nicest personality and so outgoing. In the 16mths we been separated he's had 3 girlfriends.
There are people out there who see you for who you are, in fact I didn't notice how big my ex was when I first met him still didn't put me off when I did.
Not sure if my post is helpful. sorry hoping it is.

It’s your attitude. You’ve decided you’re not attractive so you’ll be bouncing away all the small signs and not noticing them. My best mate and my bil are like this. Bil is funny, nice looking, great job, kind, loves kids, home owner but he’s written himself off as all he sees is fat and a girl once turned him down when he was 16! And my best mate is so pretty, hilarious, kind, great fun but again all she sees is the fat and when we’re out she just does not see the guys checking her out, trying to flirt she just doesn’t see it and assumes they just want to be mates.

Loads of bigger people have loads of success romantically. And also we all get rejected for loads of reasons. You just pick yourself up and dust yourself off. No one gets through life without being hurt!

But then is everyone who meets someone super confident as that’s not my experience at all?

I’m not overweight and I can’t find anyone. I see plenty of big women in relationships with big men and small men, some men prefer bigger women. I’m sure there’s someone out there for you.

I think when push comes to shove, most men prefer slimmer women with curves in the places they want them!

However it doesn’t rule out everyone, just generally the better looking/tones ones.

Lots of men love a confident woman. Confidence is everything so maybe work on that side of your self.

I’m not bubbly in the slightest. (Hate that word.) There are many ways to be confident. You have to be yourself, but your best self, and nobody can be that when fretting about their weight, or level of attractiveness, or whether they’ll meet someone. I met my DP and most previous BF either through mutual friends or shared interests.

It made a huge difference to me when I took care of myself better and realised if I didn't value myself, then no-one else would either. It's still me, I just think of it as being a photograph. They always look better when they're framed and on display rather than tucked behind something else on the mantlepiece.

I think it’s all about confidence.
I’m a big lady but have never - apart from when I wanted to be - have I been single.
I have always been told I’m pretty and I always tried to make the best of myself - nice make up, hair coloured and cut regularly, Clothes that suited me etc and because I made the effort I felt good.
Feeling good about yourself is a very important part of confidence.
Confidence, good sense of humour and asking a man questions about himself are the skills you need. Trust me, men love talking about themselves. Very rarely in the initial stages are they interested in your insecurities.
You need to be able to laugh at yourself. Believe me, if you have confidence and can make somebody laugh and feel good about themselves the fat you carry just melts away in their eyes.

Yeh I'd rather be a confident introvert than an extrovert with some insecurities. Bubbly is meaningless. Just means making good humoured small talk I think.

silenthorror yes, I hate the inference that if you're single it's because you haven't addressed your issues......... Not just prevalent on mumsnet. A common theme in any article about being single. So many people in relationships lack self-awareness, are insecure, take their stress out on a partner, lack independence, project, cling, blame.........settle the list goes on and on.

Driggle I just don’t think that’s true.

I agree that it's more complicated than that. I like myself, value myself, have boundaries, a high bar, I'm fun, I can fill my time, but the type of man who is similar to me has more choice / power than I do because he's not encumbered by dependent children and a lack of freedom.

I don't know if it's just where I'm at personally but when I hear ''love yourself and be confident'' I think now there is a person who can only see half of the picture.

Sorry silenthorror, don't mean to speak for you or hijack thread.

Can I ask how old you are OP? Because I think that can make a bit of a difference?