To wonder if you can actually meet someone nice when obese?

[silenthorror]

Before I get flamed to a crisp, I’m 100% talking about me!

I need to lose a good 5stone to be a healthy BMI, although generally speaking I can live with being a stone or so overweight. So 4stone at a minimum.

I’ve never had any interest from men really. And I can’t help but think it’s the fact I’m fat My parents used to lecture me about it and say I was just too big and it would put most boys off.

I know people will say they are overweight with a lovely husband but were you that size when you met?

I would welcome honesty

Yes.

I have a friend who is large, she always looks great - she just has style.

She's had several relationships in the time I've known her and is now married.

I've never been smaller than a size 16/18 as an adult. I'm 40 now and a size 20.

I have always had interest from men and have had more as I got older if im being honest.

I was actually having a conversation about this recently with a family member and I do believe that people are drawn to you for various reasons, personality being the biggest.
I may be big but I do carry my weight well, I look after my skin, hair, dress quite nice and am a chatty person.

If someone can't see past your size then more fool them.

So, answering your question, I don't believe your weight will stop you from finding love.

I wasn’t offended emotional just confused! I don’t hate people because they decide not to be in relationships!

I dunno ... I do think there’s ‘something’ about me men aren’t drawn to.

I'm over weigh bigger than un have been since my teens n iv been with plenty of men and woman 😝because I'm confident that's the key it don't matter what size u r if u have the confidence then half. The battle is won , stop putting urself down forget what ur parents said doll urself up go to a few bars with friends and strut ur stuff wiv ur head held high , start convos wiv guys if they asking interested fk them n move onto the next pmsl 😆 u go girl work wot u got 😘

Of course they can. I was a size 14 when I met my DP after putting on three stone after multiple pregnancies in quick succession, I found myself in the obese range. I was never massive, at most a bit plump. It's lack of confidence that can put men off.

I’m not actually sure if that’s a joke post or not, but either way, are people saying -

Only extremely confident people manage to have successful relationships.

I don’t think that’s true. I think to a point I’m comfortable with myself, I am overweight which I want to change, but that’s not the essence of me. Obviously I don’t get out much so any attempts to find love (vom) are online.

You can lack confidence and be in a relationship, but not if you’re fat.

Which wouldn’t make sense.

Fat people need to over compensate in other areas?

Hence you can’t just be an ordinary nice woman, you have to be dynamic and confident, and if you still don’t meet someone, you’re just not confident enough?

I’m not sure.

I am actually going to cry if someone else says confidence.

Ps now happily married you can do it x

Confident doesn't mean you can't just be a normal person, but loud and dynamic. It's about believing you are loved and wanted and secure in yourself and deserve to be.

Sorry to upset u 😘

This has turned into s very strange thread, where I “hate” women who don’t want relationships and am upset by text speak.

I watched a programme on Quest Red about people weighing 600 pounds+ and some were over 700 pounds. Most had been obese since childhood so those with partners had never been slim when they met. Of course, who knows how nice they are.

I was going to mention confidence then saw your last thread so won't but what others have said is true.

Ps my dp has only ever known me be "big" and he certainly finds me very attractive.

I'm on slimming world now as I need to lose weight to help with pain issues and some of the other members have tried every diet going etc and were a bit shocked that I haven't.

I've never felt the need to be on a diet to be honest before now. I'm happy. Relatively fit ( shock horror ) and in a happy relationship.

I hate the stereotype that bigger people are "jolly" to over compensate.
Over compensate for what? It's not a crime or a sin to be bigger than average.

If everyone felt the same or was attracted to the same type then it would be very boring indeed.

Luckily, many people out there can see past size, shape, looks and are more attracted to the person as a whole.

My husband met me when I weighed the same as I do now - a good 1 1/2 to 2 stone overweight. I did lose about 18lbs about 3 years into our relationship and he said how fabulous I looked. Typically it all went back on again. I know he doesn't fancy me as much now and wishes I was slimmer. But for me, I've always been heavy and the weight I am now is the same as I was when I was about 16. DH has the world's fastest metabolism and eats whatever he wants and never gains weight and his parents are the same. It's really annoying when any of them talk to me about food or losing weight. I don't think if you've always been slim you can never understand what it is to be heavier.

It is possible to meet someone when you're overweight. Good luck, OP, I hope you have a happy ending, whatever that may look like for you.

ever understand

I met my DH when I was 18 I was a size 20. He likes bigger girls all of his ex's were big girls. He is a sports coach and very good looking (obviouly only in my opinion). There are men out there who go for bigger girls as their 'type'. We've been together 8 years married for 3 with a D'S and a DD due in May. I plan to lose weight after this pregnancy just to be more active for my children and be healthier but my husband has always maintained he finds me very attractive as I am.
I'm not posting this to boast just to show that it is possible and I feel that it was more to do with my confidence and positivity in my body that helped. I always got attention on nights out as much as my skinny friends did not sure if that was something to do with that some men think fat girls are 'easier' but you need to have confidence in yourself. Follow some body posititve people on Instagram and the plus size uk fashion and beauty bloggers!

I'm always shocked how many normal size, all right looking men around here are with fat chicks who don't even have pretty faces... If they can snag a man then I think anyone can Wow, aren't you a delight?!

Silent I've been briefly small and I've been big. I've had more 'nice' attention from men when I've been bigger than I ever had when I was slim. I put it down to feeling happier about myself at a larger size. I met my DH at this size and he thinks I'm perfect the way I am.

I've dated a variety of men, all different shapes and sizes at both ends of the spectrum. There will always be men who fancy larger women. Not fetishising us, but just because that's their preference (in the same way I'm not particularly attracted to slim men or blonde men). Are you putting yourself out there though? Because nobody is going to come knocking on your door, no matter what size you are.

*I'm always shocked how many normal size, all right looking men around here are with fat chicks who don't even have pretty faces... If they can snag a man then I think anyone can.

Maybe it's all about where you live. The men here are use to women who are neither thin nor pretty so I don't think they even realise they're dating down.*

Crikey... you sound like an absolute treasure...

There are loads of men out there who prefer bigger women. A woman can be Slim or obese and still be found attractive because some men prefer large woman some prefer small whether the woman has loads of confidence is nothing to do with it it.its about if the man finds there body's and faces attractive imo.

I agree with you silenthorror. There is something else besides confidence going on. I have far more confidence now than I did in the past when I was with dc's dad.

I wonder if it is something to do with attachment styles. People who are certain about me or pursue me make me feel stifled. But then, even that is a simplification because I have tried to make things work in the past and it hasn't worked out, so it wasn't that I couldn't try.

Like you I think there is some piece of the jigsaw that I'm missing and it's nothing so trite as 'have confidence'.

Ask yourself if you could find a man who has an equivalent level of obesity to yourself sexually attractive. Would yo fancy him and want to have sex with him? Be completely honest with yourself.

Then you have your answer.

Silenthorror. So much these days goes on 'packaging', even though we've all grown up with the 'it's what's on the inside that counts'.

Me, give me a big, cute looking bald man any day of the week

Different men have different 'types'; whether that's white, black, fat, thin, tall, short..

Personally speaking, I have lost a lot of confidence and it has affected the way men treat me. Ironically, due to stress (which has caused the lack of confidence), I'm now very slim but have completely 'lost' myself, which has also filtered out to friends and family too.

Slowly but surely, I'm starting to reconnect, I have started to eat better, smile more and be more engaging, i.e, the person I always was until certain people chipped away at that.

Confidence really is key. But if you are thinking it's all down to being over-weight, then no amount of anyone telling you otherwise, will suffice.

I'd agree that it restricts the dating pool. It's in the same category as looks really...better looking people will generally attract more people in.a dating sense.

However...there are all kinds of dating websites..including ones for bigger people.

I also don't consider a size 18 to be obese...

When I was single and would lose weight (as my weight is always up and down), I would her more opportunities...but I also felt more confident too...so in a way they go hand in hand.

I'm a yo-yo dieter and have fluctuated between sizes 10-18. I met my DH when I was slim and dared to ask him if he would have fancied me if I'd been big. He said, 'I don't like big women.' Hmmm, well I did ask.

But since then he hasn't really noticed what weight I am.

You just need to stop thinking about it, it's the lack of confidence rather than the weight which is holding you back, as PPs have said.

Lizzy, how do you know he hasn't noticed?