To wonder if you can actually meet someone nice when obese?

[silenthorror]

Before I get flamed to a crisp, I’m 100% talking about me!

I need to lose a good 5stone to be a healthy BMI, although generally speaking I can live with being a stone or so overweight. So 4stone at a minimum.

I’ve never had any interest from men really. And I can’t help but think it’s the fact I’m fat My parents used to lecture me about it and say I was just too big and it would put most boys off.

I know people will say they are overweight with a lovely husband but were you that size when you met?

I would welcome honesty

ok, it really is as PPs have said it isn’t your size, it’s your confidence, if you are happy in your life choices, comfortable, clean, tidy, presentable then don't try too hard.In my head I’m slim and attractive. I’m quite flirty and guys flirt back. this says it all for me, be confident, happy and yourself and people will be attracted to you, if you spend your evenings pulling down your clothing, looking uncomfortable in your skin, almost being apologetic for being there, hanging back while your thinner friends jump in then you are giving the message that you are not a fun interesting confident person worth knowing. Many of us bigger women have found lovely partners who love us whatever size / shape we are. I am probably a 20 / 22 now around a 16 /18 when I met DH and have done the whole range of sizes in between, he really doesn't give a stuff, his rationale is as long as I am healthy he doesn't care. I beat myself up about being fat but at the end of the day I have a happy life and friends who love me so what do I need? I know I can lose weight cos I have done it many times, keep going back to big but hey ho, noting actually changes in my life I just know health wise if nothing else I want to be less big!

I am a chunky goddess ..size 24/26. Divorcing. Middle aged. Perimenopausal. Skint. Two teenage kids. Having a blast with internet dating !! Confidence IS the key. I treat them all the same. I know am gorgeous and they are lucky to have me...Current photo and dead honest is the way forward ! You do need to pick the right sites tho- some people like POF or match.com. Some people have had some bad experiences but not me. I've gone for elitesingles and liking it a good deal ! I can only say that whatever your size the more interesting things you do and the more places you go to , the easier it is to chat about things to people. My current partner is a gym freak, not a humble brag...he is far more hung up about his body than I am! People are attracted to different sorts of people and have their own personal hangups. Check out the Button Poety Website and search for 'fat girl' awsome female poet..helped me see myself in a more body positive way. Will find her name for you!

I always go up and down by a stone. When I'm slimmer I attract more interest, but I honestly think that's because i'm more confident and that's what attracts men. My slim swagger.

My mum has been between a size 18 to 22 as long as I can remember and has never had a problem attracting men. She's always been so confident and men flock to it.

OP you've got to find a way to be unashamedly yourself. Fake the confidence till it feels real but I know it's easier said than done.

Good luck, you'll find someone.x

I have been a size 16 and a size 10. When I got down to a 12, I started dating a guy who was bigger built, slightly over weight but mainly muscle. He liked me, but loved the more curvaceous woman, and nagged me if I lost weight. He was lovely, he never made me feel bad about myself, but since we parted I am fairly sure he would be dating a larger woman (he liked big boobs, and bum - something to grab hold of he said!) But as a lot of other people have said, you gotta be confident! Your parents should never have made you feel this way. Look at all the sexy larger ladies - man they own that sh*t! They take time to buy clothes that look good - not just cover up, their hair is done, their make up - everything. The truth is, if you feel good, you look good, and if you look good you feel good - it doesn't matter about size. Men like all shapes and sizes, just like women do. If they ain't ready for this jelly, girl you kick 'em to the curb and keep on walking to find a dude who will appreciate the curves of a bodacious babe! Never let anyone make you feel less than fabulous!

Poet is Rachel Wiley. Check her out.

Just remember..everyone on an online site is there because they aren't easily meeting people..for whatever reason..personal hangups or situation. Good luck!

*Rebeccaslicker Sun 11-Feb-18 10:53:538
Wow emma hmm
"Fat chicks" and "not even pretty" and "snagging a man"?
Where are you posting from, 1972!

Rebecca, the only difference is that in 1972 you could say that, in 2018 you can't say it, but people still think it. You can't police peoples minds.

OP, being honest, no, I don't think its impossible but you do reduce your choices, because like it or not, lots of people don't want to be with someone very overweight. Lots of people will say they're shallow, but you have to be attracted sexually to someone in most cases for a relationship to be what it should be and overweight will put lots of people off, decent people. Most people have their idea of attractive and people who say that weight makes no difference are being unrealistic. Most 20 year olds wouldn't want to date a 50 year old, even though they might be the most perfect person for them and mainly why? Looks. If someone existed who genuinely looked 20, without surgery, when they were 50, many more younger people would choose them.

I've struggled with weight often and so I'm not saying this as an always slim person, but I really do believe you'd find your world opens up more if you lost the excess weight. You really do sound like a very nice and reasonable person, so could you think about losing weight to please yourself, ie, to be healthier and then you might find someone without really thinking, as you'd grow in confidence just because you were doing something about it, even before losing any weight your self-esteem would be boosted.

Some people are embarrassed to be seen with someone larger as well, it doesn't make them a horrible person, rather they know society sees a large person as lesser so they feel awkward.

There are people out there for you anyway, but I'm just saying that yes, it narrows your choice.

I hope you aren't offended, I certainly don't mean to be offensive and good luck!! :)

Not even remotely offended

Honestly, I’d rather people be honest

Wow, your parents have a lot to answer for as they’ve crushed your self esteem with their words. A good friend of mine is overweight, very confident, has a lovely boyfriend. You should lose weight for your health, but you should also focus on your confidence. Good luck

I met my ex when I was 16 and very slim, 18 year’s and two kids later and I was an 18, he hated it and eventually left me.
I joined POF (online dating) as I didn’t go out much and had no confidence, hated my body. My profile said that I was a “curvy girl” and anyone who wanted a stick insect need not apply.
Well.
I was stunned the next day when I opened my message box to dozens and dozens of messages. I met a few, they were lovely chaps (not one of them wanted a secret shag or were ashamed to be seen with me - the exact opposite in fact) long story short, I met a chap who adores my curves, finds me sexy and as a result I hate myself a whole lot less. We are married now and have two kids ☺️
I think some slimmer sexy women find it just as hard to date as they are potentially seen as unnatainable by men xx

I've dated numerous fat women. I love girls who are confident in their bodies, regardless of their weight.

A size 20 woman confidently showing her body off in lingerie is sexy as hell. I'm slim myself.

I haven't read the entire thread, just the first page. I was a size 18/20 when I met my husband, almost seven years ago. I was a size 16 when we married 2 years ago, I went up to a size 24 post pregnancy, (a year ago) now I'm a 14/16. My husband loves me unconditionally. And I, him. He's a little bigger himself, (6ft5, 2-3xl clothes). That said, I kissed many frogs and found many tossers in tinfoil Before asking friends to set me up with someone There is hope for us "curvier" girls, but it's like looking for a chocolate chip in a raisin cookie. C

I was a size 20 when I met DH, after our kids I went up to a 24 and I'm now hovering around 18-20 again. He's 6ft, and a beanpole. A lanky one at that. But he genuinely loves bigger women, he actually said he wouldn't have asked me out if I was smaller. You're not looking in the right places, google UK BBW dating sites and you'll find loads of men on there who like bigger women.

I havent read all the messages, but just to add my experience. I met the love of my life as I was size 28/30. We have a beautiful boy. I consider myself to be attractive physically and emotionally. You have to learn to love yourself first. xx

I was a size 22 (wearing jeans & t-shirt) when ( in a nightclub ) I met my now dh. He was a scrawny thing back then. He always said my weight never bothered him he fell for the whole me! Tho it was his mate that convinced him I was worth going on first date with. He was shy and unsure apparently 😂

It restricts your options very significantly. An obese woman who's got other attractive quantities such as being pretty, charming, successful, or whatever will still no doubt get plenty of attention, but would, I'd imagine, get much more still if she was a regular weight. Obese and otherwise ordinary your choices are likely to be severely restricted.

I met DH (who was a healthy size) when I was a size 18. I'm now a 12 but it means so much that he fancied me bigger size. We were young and he had lots of choice too :D TBH I always had the confidence of someone much more attractive than I was which has always helped - fake it til you make it!

Just remember..everyone on an online site is there because they aren't easily meeting people..for whatever reason..p

That's definitely not the case these days, now OLD is so mainstream. Few people sign up because they've failed to meet IRL. Majority of people I know sign up as soon as they've decided they're ready to meet someone as their first choice. Sure you might also date people you run across in person but OLD isn't a second choice to real life meeting people anymore!

Dear me, there's a lot of damaged thinking on this thread - staggering levels of loser hate. Hey ho. Curves and confidence are great things, particularly as a combo.

One point: no one admits it for obvious reasons, but very thin women invariably attract gay men who don't want to come out. Skinny may have status, but be careful what you wish for.

Curves and confindence are great! Fat people aren’t curvy though they are just fat I’m afraid and it’s not attractive.

Skinny isn’t attractive either. And don’t be so bloody homophobic; gay men like men with dicks not skinny women with vaginas.

One point: no one admits it for obvious reasons, but very thin women invariably attract gay men who don't want to come out.

Lovely. Got any evidence for that? A biological woman doesn't have a penis and does have a vagina whatever her size.

but very thin women invariably attract gay men who don't want to come out. Skinny may have status, but be careful what you wish for.

It’s possible to be nice to fat people without being horrible to skinny ones.

Op. I was size 20, 42 and fabulous when I met my 32 year old gorgeous boyfriend.
I'm now 45, have an 18 month old girl and he's now my husband.
It's nothing to do with what I looked like, it was because I was happy with myself and projected it. Without confidence, no, you won't have a long term relationship. You need to work on the relationship with yourself first.

DD was quite overweight but had a very pretty face. She could still attract boys, but they were vastly better looking, and cooler when she lost two stone.

Harsh from all aspects, but true. She said her market value increased after losing weight, despite being exactly the same funny, kind, lovely person inside.

Sad, but true.

I was a size 18/20, and obese, when I met my partner, and, indeed, the one before. The current partner (of nearly 6 years, we have a DC together) was through OLD, and I've made a few friends through OLD that I didn't click with romantically.

I love my DP, couldn't imagine life without him. He's a great person. But both of us struggle with social skills (I'm undiagnosed but almost certainly autistic, and he has pretty bad social anxiety), so OLD was the push we both needed.

Skinny isn’t attractive either.

Says who? There are people out there who find fat people attractive just as there are people who find skinny people attractive.