To wonder if you can actually meet someone nice when obese?

[silenthorror]

Before I get flamed to a crisp, I’m 100% talking about me!

I need to lose a good 5stone to be a healthy BMI, although generally speaking I can live with being a stone or so overweight. So 4stone at a minimum.

I’ve never had any interest from men really. And I can’t help but think it’s the fact I’m fat My parents used to lecture me about it and say I was just too big and it would put most boys off.

I know people will say they are overweight with a lovely husband but were you that size when you met?

I would welcome honesty

Please take some of this advice on board op .
Start a few specific threads, maybe one in style and beauty, one in weight loss and one in relationships?

Sally, thank you, but people will just get annoyed when I don’t take the advice, and I won’t. For one thing, most places really don’t stock clothes in big sizes and they just don’t look good on me. I don’t suit makeup. My hair is the one thing I do really like.

www.buzzfeed.com/ailbhemalone/stylish-plus-size-shops-on-the-uk-high-str?utm_term=.vyAqKj9vr#.stjv35PK8

I think you have given up on yourself op and in that case you are right - no one can help.

People on mumsnet have a lot of time for others and would love to help advise you on so many different aspects of life. The help is there if you choose to accept it!

Sally, I would not suit those clothes even at a smaller size.

I’m not trying to be difficult, but ideally the clothes I wear would disguise the fact I’m fat. Unfortunately, I’m so fat that they can’t really do that!

😂 silent I was trying to illustrate that there are lots of shops that sell clothes in plus size!! Head over to S&B explain what you are looking for and you will got lots of suggestions.

Yes yes yes! I met my DH when I was 5ft 2in and almost 14st. He was 6ft 1in and 10st 3lb!!! He said fat girls are more grateful! He saw the heart and personality beneath. Sixteen years on, our weights are very different (8st 7lb and 16.6lbs) and we're still crazily in love!

Sally, I do appreciate the suggestion, but clothes aren't going to change my life

I have a small selection of decent clothes, a new outfit, lovely as it may be, isn’t going to change things. I would have nowhere to wear it anyway.

If you don't suit make up, you're wearing it wrong! Everyone suits make up, you just need to know what works for you and your skin type and tone! That's not to say you should wear it if you don't want to though, but it might help your confidence to find something that makes you feel good.

I'm not talking pink blusher and blue eye shadow!

A tiny amount of foundation where needed, a pale smoky brown eye and a touch of mascara works for basically everyone and looks natural.

15 stone isn't anywhere near as heavy as I thought you were going to say, I thought you were going to be 30 stones or something! But for 5'2 I can imagine it doesn't carry well.

You seem resigned to not doing anything though and as someone else said, that would put anyone off.

You don't want to clothes shop, you won't lose weight, you won't go on dating sites... you either need to stay as you are and accept what will be or will be, or actually make a change and work towards the things you want. You sound like your own worst enemy.

Thank you, I do wear a bit of foundation and mascara, but I really meant anything beyond that - lipstick, eyeshadow, blusher, highlighting things, and so on.

It’s not exactly about what I won’t do.

It’s more that sometimes the days and evenings seem endless and they are even more endless when they aren’t filled with food.

Hi OP,

It does sound as you are quite unhappy and it goes beyond just being overweight. It sounds like you have given up. And that i think is what would make people not interested.

Rather than looking for clothes to disguise your size, you should look for well fitting clothes in colours which suit you. That will automatically make you look smaller, as will walking tall and straight.

What styles do you like on other people?

There are lots of shops now doing lovely plus size stuff. A few have been mentioned above but i really like very, asos and new looks plus size ranges.

I also go to bloggers for inspiration, here is one i really like
fullerfigurefullerbust.com/

i agree that making an effort with your hair and make up helps as it shows that you value yourself. that doesn't mean using a lot of product.

your evenings will seem endless so why not get out and do stuff without the goal of meeting a bloke? a hobby doesn't have to be weight loss related and increasing your social circle will do a lot for your happiness, which in turn might make it easier to eventually meet a bloke.

what things do you have interest in? do you enjoy cooking, reading, crafts, sports (watching if not playing)?

are there any community endeavours in your town? we have litter picking which is a great laugh and always end up at the pub afterwards. there is so much if you are open to it, and sometimes it only takes one small thing to start the ball rolling for massive change.

i wouldn't even think about dating sites at this stage. id think about looking at yourself and going - fuck yeah my hair looks fab. or i really love these shoes.

and then going out and letting the world see - not just men.

Op there are lots of suggestions on here on how to improve your quality of life. No single one is going to change your life. It's about a lot of small changes adding up to a bigger picture.

I suffered with PND. Making my bed every morning didn't cure me, but it was part of a big picture of feeling better about myself every day.

I’d agree with slithytove, it’s about getting out there and meeting people.
OLD is quite superficial, and doesn’t replace meeting people IRL. Nothing is more attractive than someone who is having fun.
I know it’s really hard, but find something you love doing and spend time doing it. You may meet someone you really like, but if not, at least you’ve had a good time and you’re not sitting at home feeling lonely.

A few years ago, l went out with an absolutely gorgeous guy. At the time l was about size 14-16 (l'm only 5'2") and l've always been self conscious about my weight. l've been bigger and smaller through my life.
Anyway, this man said if l'd been any thinner he wouldn't have been so interested - he liked bigger women, and l was the slimmest he'd ever been out with. He was an absolute gentleman, the only one ever who's opened the car door for me, etc. He made me feel like a goddess! So yes, there are men who like bigger women. l have two male friends who go doolally over very curvy figures. There are groups to this effect, even one on Facebook for BBW. l'm sure there are online dating sites too. Good luck! xxx

When I met my OH I was a size 18/20 and quite happy in myself. I had had loads of dates through POF with really nice guys. Anyway, 7 years, a daughter and an underactive thyroid later, I'm now a size 22/24 😮 I honestly think its all about self confidence. Men find that very attractive. When I accepted myself for who I am I seemed to have no end of admirers! And now i have a fantastic partner who loves and fancies me no matter what. So don't give up hope, learn to love yourself!!!

Hey!
I met my now husband when I was a size 18. Im tall and lucky enough to have the hourglass shape which has maybe helped?!! He is athletic and muscular so complete opposite to me. Be confident. You won't be everyone's cup of tea, even if you were 5 stone lighter. But not everyone will be your cup of tea.
I've always ended up with non overweight men but not because of a type it just happened, I have been attracted to over weight men before too just for whatever reason we never clicked etc.
Own what you have, have confidence in who you are now, dress to make yourself feel sexy and you will be sexy.
Xo

OP have you tried ASOS Plus size range? They sell some nice stuff and its reasonable as well. Also look at Next and on Ebay.
I've just been looking at jeans myself on ASOS and a lot in the bigger sizes have sold out. 15 stones is not that big, you can easily loose some of that.
Why dont you go to Slimming World? Just force yourself to get out, buy some new clothes and try to slim a bit.You sound bvery down on yourself, treat yourself your worth it.

I’ve 2 friends who are both obese, one has the gift of the gab and oozes confidence, when we go out she has to fight the fellas off with a stick. It does help that she is very hour glass in shape and knows what to wear. She’s got gorgeous dark, long hair and is (imo) very pretty. But she’s a really smiley, happy person which makes her attractive.

My other friend was prob morbidly obese and lost around 5 stone, this still put her in the obese category, but because her confidence was sky high as a result of loosing the 5 stone, she again had no problems with the fellas. Both are married to lovely men now with a family.
It really is down to attitude and being confident and being able to talk to people, smile and laugh.

Yes you can meet someone being plus sized. I’ve always been a size 20-24. Decided to hit online dating, I picked a paid for site (think match.com, e harmony). Joined in 2012 was on there for 3 months in total. I was going on 1-2 dates a week. Met my now husband we got married in 2014 and now have a 2yo.

Just go for it, my advice would be to not use free sites if you choose this route. Good luck, get out there and be confident

I've not read all the responses but just wanted to throw in my 2p. I was size 24, 15.3 at my heaviest having been obese since my teenage years. Met my boyfriend who was the exact opposite (think beanpole!) He proposed within 9 months and after 25 years of very happily married life, I weigh just under 8 stone and wear size 8-10 and have done so for 15 years. I genuinely don't feel sexier and my DH has never once uttered a preference in my size. He has always told me I am gorgeous (no matter what size I have been) so the simple answer, in my case at least OP, is YES you can. Good luck

I‘m overweight though not obese but my ex-husband left me for someone who was even fatter! (Hint, she did have more money than me). I never bothered looking for a replacement because i don‘t find fat men attractive so didn‘t see why men would find me attractive as a fat person, it works both ways, also my heart is broken and i cannot love another.

I also need to lose 4-5 stone. I would really recommend slimmers world.
Tbh if I were someone else I don’t think I would be attracted to myself at the mo. We all carry weight differently. I think I carry it wellish. I look fat but I don’t look my weight. If that makes sense.

I’m a few stone overweight and have had boyfriends, I’m now bigger than I ever was and have just met a lovely chap.
I think it depends on how you carry the weight, your age, confidence etc, I carry my weight well because it’s all over my body I haven’t just got a huge belly.
My sister is obese and has been happily married for 10.5 years
The right man will come along when you least expect it xx

Lol, I’ve never expected it!

I have got an underactive thyroid, so piled on 4 stone. I have met some nice men but did not fancy them and have lost confidence in myself. I am also a bit shallow and question if I would have dated them had I been the size 8 I always was. The answer is no, so I have given up until I sort my illness and weight out. If you are less shallow about looks, there are plenty of good men out there. Have confidence, men are not that fussy.

As a fat bird, you don't get the attention when you're out and about, in clubs and pubs and whatnot. You just don't. But you have other options.

Back in the days of yore (the mid-noughties, well before the prevalence of digital photos) I just decided to forget coyness and bullshittery and stuck up an OLD profile that was brutally honest. One bloke saw it and told me it was magnificent. 13 years later, we've been married for coming up to 7 years and have a 2yo son. I'm still a size 24, as I was back then. DH is no oil painting, either, but he's an amazing person. I don't give a shit what either of us looks like.

If you pretend to be someone you're not, you don't give people the chance to know and love the real you. That's the confidence people keep talking about, I think, or it should be. Just be you.