Did you marry your great love?

[IsThisMeToo]

Why?

Why not?

How is your life now?

Yes I do, I am very lucky

No. I settled. My husband is lovely. For someone else. Tonight, I want to be single.

No. I stupidly married a man who never loved me and cheated on me constantly. I didn’t know the extent of it until I finally found the strength to kick him out after 20 years. Should never have married him after he cheated on me when we were engaged and our big expensive wedding was booked and paid for by my Dad. Ended up trapped and controlled with a cold and unemotional man who held all the purse strings. I didn’t know he had plenty of money as he kept it hidden away. Finally found the strength to end it aged 43. Met a lovely man and had a bloody thunderbolt. Cynical me. Didn’t believe in that shite. Shit was real. 18 months on I’m deliriously happy still. Might marry him one day!

Don't know what you mean by ' Great love ' but unless it's an arranged marriage I would think people would choose the person they loved more than anyone they'd loved before? Why would you marry otherwise . I haven't married my partner , who has been the best relationship I've had , but is probably my ' great love' . after 18 years.

That sounds horrid, but he has come home pissed , one too many times now. It's boring and shit.

I am sat here contemplating my 10 year marriage right now 😤

I don't believe in "one great love". I used to believe in this kind of thing when I was younger. Still remember how devastated I was when Toby left her in The L Shaped Room - how could she recover ever???? Now I'd say "ah well you'll be fine"

I married a terrific, lovely man to whom I have been happily married for 25 years and who I think is the love of my life.

I do think we were meant to be together on one level. I also think we are both nice decent engaging people and might have forged different but good lives with other people.

But I literally don't understand this kind of thought:

My ex? I wish he would die a horrible slow death. But I will always love him.

I do not love people who have hurt me enough that I wish them dead. And if I wished them dead then I don't love them. I don't understand what "love" means in this sentence. Is it some sort of limerence/crush/mental health issue? Is it dramatic language to denote how much she did love him once? Because wishing someone would die a horrible slow death does not compute with always loving them unless the word love itself is re-defined.

Oh and my mother - born in 1928 told me regularly that very very few people married the person they truly loved (she counted herself among the few). But the ones she didn't - and she may have been right - still had successful and happy marriages.

Yes I did, because when I saw him walk past me in the street when I was 18 I thought "I'd marry him".
13 years later when our paths crossed again we got together. I still thought I'd marry him, and then I did.
Best decision ever.
We're almost exactly the same person in two separate bodies. Whoever said 'opposites attract' didn't know what they were talking about!

Yes, I did. There have been other passions, but I know that I have ended up with the great love of my life. Together 16 years, married 14, lots of life behind and in front of us.

I like what RatRolyPoly said upthread: We are the very best versions of ourselves with one another.

No, but I'm glad. I loved him but he would have been a terrible life partner and father. He was the epitome of every "unsatisfactory husband" thread on this forum. Never did house work, drank to much, lazy at work, bad with money, clueless about raising kids (thinks its so "easy"), obsessed with porn. Had no self awareness and a million excuses for all the the above.

I'm glad I didn't marry him as the love would have turned to hate quickly trying to deal with all that. Not that he was offering! (another problem).

Every time I read a thread like "my DH has gambled our savings, also in 20 years he has never cooked a meal and always throws his undies on the floor" I know I made the right decision.

I was lucky to meet another man who is a much better person and we are married and have an enjoyable life together.

SageYour that was a lovely post.

This thread has made me think a lot and I had a cry last night.

My exP is the man I have loved most and I still love him and miss him, but we were terrible for each other in the end and I have to keep reminding myself of that.

When things were good though, we had such a great time together. I was the happiest and least anxious I've ever been.

I'm with someone else now. He's lovely in many ways but it's not the same. I feel guilty for having those thoughts and it makes me feel it's unfair to stay with him....

💐 For those who have had to cope with the death of the person they love.

Yes I did. We met when I was 16 and have always been inseparable. There was something there, something that always felt “more” like “this is it”. He says he felt the same. We’ve been together 16 years this year and married 11 of them so we are childhood sweethearts if you were.

They have been the happiest 16 years of my life.

No and it’s something I regret everyday.

I wasn’t brave enough to be with him, I thought he was too good for me and I proceeded to bounce from one toxic relationship being treated like crap to the next.

It’s about the only thing in my life I regret tbh.

No as he tragically died when we were in our late teens in a car accident.

Yes. He’s the only person I can never imagine living without. I can imagine being exceptionally upset, distraught even, if friends or family left or died, but I can see that I would move past it eventually. If I never saw him again I genuinely don’t know how I would live my life- I don’t think it would even be MY life any more.

I don’t believe in the concept of “great love” or “the one”.

In the words of the incomparable Nancy Mitford, “one always thinks that, every every time”

No and I am glad I did not.

He was not good for me.

I don't believe in 'the one', but the first time I saw my husband, a little voice in my head went, 'Oh shit, this is the man I'm supposed to be spending the rest of my life with.' Since we were both married to other people at the time, it was 4 years before we talked about it and found out we both felt the same way, but we've now been together for 12 years and married for 7.

No I don’t think so but my great love (more like obsession) would have been the worst thing for me. With my DH I had known him for years, we’d been through so much together I just couldn’t imagine the rest of my life without him. So actually yes he is my great love

No. He turned out to be a total twat.
I married my best love.

No.

The man I love doesn't love me, like I need to be loved. It's still hard, I still think about him sometimes. My partner is fabulous, and he treats me like a princess, but I don't love him. Not that show stopping, world melts when kissing kinda way.

NoArmaniNoPunani
And
Echt
I am very sorry you have lost your husbands recently.

I don’t believe in the concept of “great love” or “the one”.

I think I lean more towards this idea. I think it is possibly a Western construct.

Yes, but I don’t believe in “the one”. I’m sure I could have had another great love in a different scenario but the man I married is my great love for this life.