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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did you marry your great love?

222 replies

IsThisMeToo · 10/02/2018 21:10

Why?

Why not?

How is your life now?

OP posts:
Distractotron · 10/02/2018 22:24

I married the knobhead I ended up with because of MH problems. I have 3 lovely kids because of him though, and ended up with my absolute love (who the kids also love) so it worked out great. Got there in the end 😁

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 10/02/2018 22:25

I think I settled. And I think I let the one who might have been the great love get away. Too late now.

doowapwap · 10/02/2018 22:26

My great love died when he was 27 and I was 24... Very suddenly and in tragic circumstances.

I didn't think anyone would ever come close to him but then I met DH. Every day he shows me in small ways how much he loves me. We've had ups and downs but we're stronger than ever now and I don't doubt his love.

I still miss my great love, but have a feeling we tend to idolise the dead, (especially how he died) so sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out had he lived.

I know I am deeply and truly happy in my life now and my DH is one of 2 great loves of my life

PoorYorick · 10/02/2018 22:26

I’m not disputing folk get each other etc but I don’t think we get one love chance and thats it
I don’t think marriage is the xenith of a relationship

I think this is wise. Also I think it's quite possible to love someone passionately but not be able to be married to them or raise a family with them.

mari652 · 10/02/2018 22:27

No - it was too young, wrong time, wrong place. I did pine for this lost love for quite a while and used to fantasise about what should have been, especially during rocky periods in my marriage and when I found out that he had added rich and successful to the merely gorgeous and dashing when I knew him. Drat. But......much later still I discovered he was on his way out of marriage 3, increasingly young partners at every exchange and was going bankrupt so sense of bullet missed. I can still treasure the memories of a couple of years of amazingness that I am glad I had.

PoorYorick · 10/02/2018 22:27

doowap, that's a very moving story. Thank you for sharing.

Love is not like a cup of sugar that gets used up. Time and energy are finite resources but love is not. You can love several people.

willstarttomorrow · 10/02/2018 22:29

No but we were together for 15 years before he died and we had an amazing DC who has his spirit. Considering he was a stubborn bastard I am bloody knackered!

QueenOfGaviscon · 10/02/2018 22:32

We've been together for 10 years. And those ten years have had terrifying lows but also dizzying highs. I don't know if either of us would be here today without the other. Now life has settled, we've got a family and he really is The Great Love of my life.

ALemonyPea · 10/02/2018 22:33

Yes I did, will be 17 years next month (together 22).

Kismett · 10/02/2018 22:34

I don’t think I believe in one great love. I loved my husband and (long story short) he eventually fell out of love with me. We got divorced and it was horrendous for me. But I’ve ended up with a man that I believe is a better person. And this horrible thing that happened, actually turned out to be wonderful for me.

I believe in making the best out of the situation that you’re in, and I still lead with my heart.

MeganBacon · 10/02/2018 22:35

No. I married another man who deserved me and whom I love and respect, and we are very happy together.

Carouselfish · 10/02/2018 22:37

No. It was the wrong time as he was younger and I was a hormonal wreck thanks to the pill.
I've said 'love' to other people but there's never been a relationship where I haven't, at some point, wished it was him.
He's married to someone else. Sometimes things make him think of me and he sends me a 'just saw this and thought of you'. He's very over me though and has no idea how much I'm not, nor will ever be, over him.
As a pp said, the story of my life won't be a happy love story I don't think. Even if I meet someone else, there'll always be regret.

MyBoysAndI · 10/02/2018 22:37

No l didn't. We are currently getting divorced. I should never have married him. Even though l did love him, l didnt love him unconditionally and as deeply as he deserved.

ayeportly · 10/02/2018 22:39

Never had a great love nor ever likely to.
Will probably mark (not celebrate) twenty years of married life with DH later this year. He asked me - over the washing-up - and I said yes because we'd been going out for a decade and living together for about three...oh and I was pregnant.

The marriage has been the epitome of mediocrity and settling but I know myself and I don't think I'd be a whole lot happier on my own. He accepts he gets much more out of the 'relationship' than I do but is too selfish and set in his ways to even begin to attempt to improve it.

twinone · 10/02/2018 22:42

No, he married the girl who came along after me. Now divorced.

It changed the whole direction my life changed. I moved away, so as not to keep bumping into him, and met some great people. I love where I live and I met the most kind hearted, funny, annoying, messy man who is suited to me. He is a great dad and is the calm amongst 2 pubescent girls and a soon to be menopausal wife.

I'm not sure he feels as lucky to have us as we do him Grin

Darkbendis · 10/02/2018 22:45

I married one of the three guys I have ever loved. The last one of the three, the previous relationships did not work out (too young, too different ). Kissed a few frogs too before we found each other. Still married to him, hopefully we'll grow old together. 2 kids, still fancying each other.

Pompom42 · 10/02/2018 22:46

No we are not compatible in the slightest. Still married but the love left years ago. Makes me wonder is it me and am I actually compatible with anyone.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 10/02/2018 22:49

Yes. It’s a slow burn, there was no “love at first sight” shit and he didn’t make me go weak at the knees - we argue about trivial shit like bin day and dishwasher stacking every single fucking day. But we’re best mates, banter of kings, same team with the important shit and he made me a mummy. 9 years later and I always find myself excited for the next day and the next adventure.

DollyDayScream · 10/02/2018 22:50

I did.

It's not a fairytale though.

I have some resentment, but he is the one. My blue eyed boy. I love him completely, even when he's being a massive dickhead. He is not perfect, but neither am I and he seems more tolerant of my faults than I am of his.

Andromeida29 · 10/02/2018 22:53

Nope because neither of us believe in marriage but I love him completely and we've been together 13 years this year.

RatRolyPoly · 10/02/2018 22:55

I did. It was a bloody nightmare! I literally never want to see his sorry face again.

I married him because I loved him, but we were SO bad for each other. I'm due to marry again and of course I love him like anything, but more than that I love who I am because of him. We are the very best versions of ourselves with one another.

inlectorecumbit · 10/02/2018 22:55

yes
Together 39 years, married 33 years.
He is a lovely kind man. I am lucky Smile

chopscheeky · 10/02/2018 22:56

Thought so to start with but after reading threads on here I think it was limerence. We rushed into it, everything seemed magical, almost unreal, a crazy time but now I can't stand him most of the time Sad

Thunderthunderthundercatshooo · 10/02/2018 22:56

I did yes. We met when we were 20, probably a bit too young? My now husband finished uni before me and long distance wasn't working so after a year or so he ended it. I dated quite a few amazing men over the next 3 years and travelled the world, had an amazing time but I thought about him a lot. I guess he always had my heart, no one came close.

Long story short we went out for a drink when I returned from travelling, realised we still had feeling for one another and that was that. He told me a couple of years later he knew that night that he'd marry me one day.

We're married with 2 kids now. As much as life has it's ups and downs he is my great love.

RustyPaperclips · 10/02/2018 22:59

Yes, and I would do it all over again

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