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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did you marry your great love?

222 replies

IsThisMeToo · 10/02/2018 21:10

Why?

Why not?

How is your life now?

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 10/02/2018 23:00

First time, no. We divorced.

Second time, yes. Still very happy 12 years later.

Giggorata · 10/02/2018 23:02

I married one of the two great loves of my life...
The other one.. well, I still think of him occasionally, and like someone upthread, he added rich and successful to his qualities over the years.
But DH is undoubtedly the one to have kept. We have the weirdest and far reaching daily conversations, we have fun, rows, passion. I couldn't do without him.

BlackPeppercorn · 10/02/2018 23:05

I have no idea, and probably will never know.
I met a bloke at 17 and we found that whenever we had an argument or a 'we're finished' moment (and you have many, when you meet at 17) we both felt physically sick and would do anything to manoeuvre each other into meeting again and getting back together again. We didn't know if we were each other's The One but....we daren't be without each other to find out. It's been this way for 34 years.

Ragusa · 10/02/2018 23:07

Nice to see the balance of contributions on here are of the "yes I did" variety.

Some of the more equivocal ones, or downright "no" ones, are very sad though.

How is it that some people get to experience fantastic bonds and marrying the person they really want, and who want them back, while others have to either settle, or never get a bite at the cherry at all? Life is so.. random. I hesitate to say unfair, because I think often it's just luck and there's no malevolent force at work.

SageYourResoluteOracle · 10/02/2018 23:08

Yes I did. There was one other - out of several men- who I was virtually infatuated with who ended our two year relationship and then came out as gay. I still sometimes bump into him and he's happily married now. Lovely, lovely kind,gentle, romantic man. I still sometimes dream about him. But obvs I wasn't his great love Blush

After that though I met my DH and fell head over heels. For the first 5 years, it was the sort of love that, as someone said upthread, was the stuff of movies. Then just after we married, we both lost our way a bit after a series of awful and devastating events that had far-reaching implications and some still affect us today. But 8 years on (we've been together exactly 13 years in total) we've found a new groove and although we bicker a bit, nothing goes unsaid. He makes me laugh so much and irritates the crapola out of me in equal measures. He's kind, popular, adores our DD and has always got my back. This morning, DD and I stayed in her bed snoozing until around half ten as I'd been up a lot in the night with her - cough and high temperature and haven't been feeling that well myself. When we eventually emerged, virtually all the laundry had been done, a huge pot of soup was bubbling away for lunch and DH was getting ready to go out to the supermarket. He's just like that- really practical - and it's this kind of thing that I find more romantic nowadays than grand gestures.

He nearly died last year and now has ongoing health issues as a result but they don't seem to be serious and we're hopefully they'll resolve. I do often think, 'there but for the grace of god' and it's definitely renewed my love for him having seen him so vulnerable.

Thanksto the posters who've lost their loves or who feel alone or lonely

FairyDogMother11 · 10/02/2018 23:09

Yes, I would say we are each other's. We're getting married this year, he is the only person I've ever been with and it's always been astoundingly easy and right to be with him. I have never been happier and I've never looked back.

Sallystyle · 10/02/2018 23:09

I’m not disputing folk get each other etc but I don’t think we get one love chance and thats it

I do agree with this though. I don't believe in soul mates or that you can only have one true love.

I love my husband more than I have ever loved another man romantically. I love him like crazy. However, I don't believe in soul mates, because everyone's soul mate just happens to live quite close by don't they?

I can't imagine loving anyone as much as I love him, but logically I know that if I didn't meet him I would have likely found someone else I love just as much, eventually.

Ofthread · 10/02/2018 23:10

No. Love is a fleeting thing.

corythatwas · 10/02/2018 23:12

I did. He was my first grown-up love, my holiday romance on my first grown-up holiday. Still very happy together 35 years later. I don't know about soul mates, but I do know that I preferred a 10 year long-distance relationship with him to getting together with somebody nearer at hand, and that when we did split up for a year and a half, I wasn't looking for replacements.

user1471444370 · 10/02/2018 23:17

I'm not married, I'm not my partners great love, he's not mine .I love him... more than he deserves and more than he loves me ....but.... I'm still in love with my first love we are in touch but I it's one sided even tho it was me that moved on .... I don't think I'll ever be any ones great love..

disneydatknee · 10/02/2018 23:21

Yes I did. He’s a wonderful father and a wonderful husband. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.

BeagleBurger · 10/02/2018 23:24

No. He messed up ten years ago. We still love each other. Passionately. But would never act on it. He's married. I'm married with two kids. I'm sad in my marriage for totally unrelated reasons. It is what it is/was.

If we were both single we would owe it to ourselves to give it a go. It might turn out your be fate or fantasy.

scrabbler3 · 10/02/2018 23:33

No. I settled for a nice man whom I liked, I wasn't in love with him and I wasn't attracted to him. He realised this after a while and think he may have cheated on me eventually but I don't really care one way or the other. We're amicably divorced now and he's with someone else, who I'm told by our DCs is very nice.

Pasithea · 10/02/2018 23:43

No.
Why. I hadn’t met him. By the time I did I’d been married 13 years to a lovely man whom I love very much.

We’re still in touch as friends. We both feel the same but had already made our commitments to others.

InappropriateGavels · 10/02/2018 23:43

I'm on my second marriage. The first one definitely was not a great love - the voice in my head even told me to say "no" as he was proposing, but the word out of my mouth was "yes", and then everything seemed to happen around me. I was 18 at the time, married two years later, divorced at 26.

Now, I think I am. This one has taken me from the skinny, scared little thing that my ex-husband turned me into, who was frightened of everyone, unwilling to try anything, speak to anyone, or go anywhere. The person who had lost all self-confidence, who used to just go to work and then straight home, who didn't eat, who hid away all day, even on days off into the person I am now. I achieved a life-long dream I'd had since I was six of living and working in London, I'm now in a career I'd dream of all of my life, I'm so much healthier and happier than I've been in a decade. I've got confidence abound, I'm not scared of any situation I've found myself in, even in deepest, darkest Streatham. Without someone believing in me, it wouldn't have happened.

He's a lot older than me, so I'm constantly preparing for the day that I'll be left a widow as that's the most likely outcome. No-one likes to consider it when they're young, but I'm a realist.

Skarossinkplunger · 11/02/2018 01:00

Nope. I don’t believe in one great love.

Itchytights · 11/02/2018 01:17

I love my DH very much but he is two different people.

Emotional and physical abuse sometimes but when he’s lovely, he’s the best in the whole world.

Cantspell2 · 11/02/2018 01:43

Yes I did and we had 26 years and two sons together. We will never get to grow old together as cancer took him from us last year but I don’t regret a day of our life together.
I know it is still early days but I know in my heart I will never want another relationship. I have had my great love and don’t think I could ever put anyone in his place in my heart or bed.

To the poster earlier who worries her love is 20 years older than her I say stop worrying and live your life in the now. If he makes you happy then give that love a chance. My husband was only a couple of years older than me and he is gone and we won’t grow old together. Age is no guarantee for a long life.

BakedBeans47 · 11/02/2018 01:47

Yes, he’s my soulmate, love of my life, and father to our amazing children.

bridgetoc · 11/02/2018 01:52

I married the only man I have ever loved. I still love him to bits, and things are great.

Hidingtonothing · 11/02/2018 01:53

Yes, he's a grumpy fucker sometimes but there's no one else I'd want to be with. There were people I thought I loved (and maybe did to some degree) before DH but never anyone else I saw myself with forever and no one I consider the 'one that got away'.

LadyHonoriaDedlock · 11/02/2018 01:58

No, got married at 23 to a man because I was on the rebound from a woman it was illegal to marry. No regrets as my kids are beyond wonderful but will think twice (10000 times) before doing that again.

LiquoricePickle · 11/02/2018 02:13

Yes. Totally, definitely, absolutely.

RosiePosiePuddle · 11/02/2018 02:15

No.

My "great loves" were teen/early twenties dramas. But there was a real connection that was strongest than with my husband who I met when I was older.

We love and support each other but I recognise that we don't fulfill every need. Probably the most mature and healthiest relationship. Mostly we are happy apart from when he is being an arse or I am being dramatic

Sarahh2014 · 11/02/2018 02:16

The first time no i settled.Then i remarried and yes I feel like i have

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