Pathetic rant but who ibu?

[Melonjelly]

Just been to a fairly large supermarket with dp and 2 dc. Youngest one was out of trolley and running around. He kept kicking off when we put him in the trolley.

We were in the veg aisle when I said to dp I need to pop to the loo, can you stay with the kids.

I went to the loo and was there for less than 2 mins. I come back to the veg aisle where I thought he would be. He's not there. I start scanning all the other veg aisles. No sign of him or kids. I traipse up the cooked meat aisle (we didn't need a lot of food, just a few bits and bobs). Again no sign of him. I walk up to the other end of the store to see if he's gone to get milk. Not there. I go to the bread aisle. Not there. I think to myself I wonder if he's taken the boys to look at toys to keep them distracted. I walked down the other end of the (large) shop. Not there. I go out of the store to see if he's making his way to the car. Nope.

I go back inside and search every aisle looking for him. Still no sign. I ring him. Supermarket is the worst for signal. If goes straight to vm. I try again. Straight to vm. I search around some more. Still can't see him. I try calling him twice more. Voicemail.

I go in front of the tills and search every single one. Not there. I eventually ring him and it gets through. He's at the doorway to the store, he's bought and paid the shopping. So ten to fifteen minutes I spent traipsing aisles searching for him.

He did the same last week and Again I spent a good ten minutes searching for him. When I eventually found him I said if I go to the loo can you please wait where you are so I can find you again.

So today I was fuming that he'd done it again.

He said 'dc2 was running off so I just wanted to get the shopping done and get out of there' so I said you'll have to put him in the trolley and teach the kids to wait so I can find you.

He said 'all you care about is ME ME ME, you're not bothered about what I want and the fact that the kids are hard work and I just wanted to get out of there'  to which I said you're missing the point, if you have waited I'd have been back in a couple of minutes. He's accused me of being selfish and asked me 'how hard is it to find me when you knew where I was going?' ??? Erm very considering I looked and looked again and you weren't fucking there you arsehole!!

So Who was being unreasonable! Even if you tell me I am it doesn't make him being a tosser any less of a tosser.

You lost me at taking husband and children to the supermarket to go shopping .

Imagine this thread is a reverse.
As in you went to the loo and came back to find DH still stood aimlessly in the middle of the veg aisle where you had left him, like he was incapable of pushing the trolly or picking up the bread by himself, then I you would be justified in being annoyed.

I wouldn't be annoyed. As previously stated roles reversed I just wait for him and have done numerous times. No great hardship on my part.

Online shopping really is easier. For example, you could perhaps get your dh to take the kids to the park on a Saturday morning and organise a delivery on a Sunday for example.

Get my dp to take the kids to the park on a weekend morning getting him out of bed is a task in itself!

1 - how old are the DC that they're young enough to go in the trolley seats but old enough to choose bedding

2 - giving in to tantrums (DC kicks off in trolley) is ridiculous and actually all the more reason to keep them IN the trolley if you (plural) can't manage them.

3 it does not need all 4 of you to go to a supermarket on a SATURDAY afternoon which is the busiest time for supermarkets all week.

4 yabu - makes total sense for dh to carry on doing the shopping and get the kids home ASAP.

5 you're BOTH poor communicators. Should've arranged a point to meet at after your loo visit

6 - your dh is clearly superman getting the rest of the shopping, and through the tills at peak period in 2 mins 🤔 if that's true let him do it (alone) every time.

Just what I was coming on to say Upsideup! I suspect OP would have flipped if her DH had just stood there. I can see the OP title now "my DH is incapable of doing the shopping without me'"

Besides it's done nothing but rain all day

No this thread isn't a reverse though if it's guts your narrative then think what you like

If it fits *

I think there are now lots of red herrings on this post. What the DC were doing, whether or not to take the DC, whether or not shopping take two of you, whether you should go to the loo before you left home, are all irrelevant issues. This would all have been avoided if you'd just asked him where he was going to be. If you didn't ask it was pretty reasonable of your DH to assume you'd just find him. It's not his communication skills that need work. It's yours. Next time just ask him. Problem solved.

Superman? Did I miss something? He bought bread, milk and chicken. Give him a round of applause.

OP - AIBU?
Rest of MN - YABU
OP - No I’m not........

Going against the grain here...

I have a DP like that and it pisses me off! We've one baby and we've been getting our shopping delivered of late but OMG when I was pregnant or in the weeks after the birth and had to go to the loo and I then had to search the shop for him it drove me mad!!

If I left him in the veg aisle he wouldn't just finish the fruit and veg shopping and pick up anything nearby while keeping an eye out for me returning, noooo he'd completely disappear to the other end of the Tesco Extra and I'd waste ages hunting for him, then have to redo bits of the shopping going back where he'd already been because he didn't know which crisps I wanted or he didn't get enough of an ingredient for a meal... not that he's useless but if I've planned a meal he wouldn't necessarily know exactly how much of things I would need.

You seem to have it firmly fixed in your mind that X is the way to do it and X is the way it must be done.

And actually he didn't need to wait for you. You wanted him to because - well, WHY? because that's what you want and he has to do what you want?

he doesn't need to wait for you. He doesn't need to be there at all. Neither of you really need to be there. Why the fuck are you dragging a husband and two small kids around a supermarket on a Saturday? have it delivered!

Well given the conversation last week to wait where I can find him which he said ok, I didn't think the goalpost has moved this week. My bad!

It wouldn't even occur to me that my partner would stay put. The person with the trolley carries on. Sorry, ywbu

How patronising! I don't drag him anywhere it was his suggestion. Looks like I'm not the only one who needs glasses when people can't read ffs!

Sorry but such awful things happen sometimes, and I really don't think I would have made a big deal out of what seems to me a quite minor thing. You could have just waited by the tills. He was having the worse time as was dealing with the kids and doing the shopping. All the time you couldn't find them you were having a break from that. Personally I think I would have said sorry to him for the fact that he'd had to do it all himself. Really.

Ah I see- so the lack of communication is all down to him? Rather than partly your fault, partly his.... I can see why your DH was a bit put out.

Frankly, if you wanted him to stay where he was you should have said so. He could have said "i;m going to finish the shopping". Both got it wrong. Then getting arsey that he hadn't done as you expected was unfair. He got cross back.

I think you should get over it. And next time, ask him to clarify his plans.

Anyone else feel a wee bit sorry for Melon's DP? 🤔

And sure I'll have it delivered when he thinks to absolve me of the 90% of the housework I do when I work most days and do the o/l shop himself without needing a fucking instruction manual!

It's frustrating trying to find someone in a supermarket. But it's not worth fussing over several hours (presumably) later.

We go to the big supermarkets without kids, —young adult children—. I loathe those moments—fucking hours— we split up and look for each other.

He didn't have to do it all himself. Frankly it wouldn't have taken any effort to wait a couple of mins when the loos are insight of the veg aisle. Don't make me laugh! He could have waited, I could have been back, I could have then taken the kids back to the car and let him crack on kid free. I didn't force him to shop it was his idea, I didn't force him to continue with one rampant child he chose to.