Pathetic rant but who ibu?

[Melonjelly]

Just been to a fairly large supermarket with dp and 2 dc. Youngest one was out of trolley and running around. He kept kicking off when we put him in the trolley.

We were in the veg aisle when I said to dp I need to pop to the loo, can you stay with the kids.

I went to the loo and was there for less than 2 mins. I come back to the veg aisle where I thought he would be. He's not there. I start scanning all the other veg aisles. No sign of him or kids. I traipse up the cooked meat aisle (we didn't need a lot of food, just a few bits and bobs). Again no sign of him. I walk up to the other end of the store to see if he's gone to get milk. Not there. I go to the bread aisle. Not there. I think to myself I wonder if he's taken the boys to look at toys to keep them distracted. I walked down the other end of the (large) shop. Not there. I go out of the store to see if he's making his way to the car. Nope.

I go back inside and search every aisle looking for him. Still no sign. I ring him. Supermarket is the worst for signal. If goes straight to vm. I try again. Straight to vm. I search around some more. Still can't see him. I try calling him twice more. Voicemail.

I go in front of the tills and search every single one. Not there. I eventually ring him and it gets through. He's at the doorway to the store, he's bought and paid the shopping. So ten to fifteen minutes I spent traipsing aisles searching for him.

He did the same last week and Again I spent a good ten minutes searching for him. When I eventually found him I said if I go to the loo can you please wait where you are so I can find you again.

So today I was fuming that he'd done it again.

He said 'dc2 was running off so I just wanted to get the shopping done and get out of there' so I said you'll have to put him in the trolley and teach the kids to wait so I can find you.

He said 'all you care about is ME ME ME, you're not bothered about what I want and the fact that the kids are hard work and I just wanted to get out of there'  to which I said you're missing the point, if you have waited I'd have been back in a couple of minutes. He's accused me of being selfish and asked me 'how hard is it to find me when you knew where I was going?' ??? Erm very considering I looked and looked again and you weren't fucking there you arsehole!!

So Who was being unreasonable! Even if you tell me I am it doesn't make him being a tosser any less of a tosser.

YABU. You should have gone to the loo before going to the supermarket 😂😂

This does sound like an over reaction to me on your part. Slightly annoying but nothing to get worked up over.

I think most people don’t understand what it’s like living with someone like your DP. It’s exhausting & it’s like he enjoys p-ing you off on purpose. It’s prob not worth raising kids together as although it’s difficult to split short term it’s best for the kids long term, tho a lot easier said than done.. if he’s like that/your relationship is like that you’d be better off apart. Can u imagine splitting once kids older or worse putting up with that into old age? Too much resentment & totally wasted opportunity for happiness alone or with someone else

So.... last time he just carried on with the shopping and you had words with him.

He does it again and you don't think to go to the entrance until you've trawled the aisles?

I would have carried on shopping, always Do, dh will catch up. So will you, you're a grown up not a lost child

Don't you two like each other? And why don't you go to the loo before you go to the supermarket?

Melon
My DH is the same. It's worst of all in a DIY store. I leave him for 1 minute and he vanishes. Usually to be found in the most unexpected of places. I've sometimes got quite panicky in past times! They all do it, we just have to accept it. Best thing is to leave them at home with the nippers and take your own time.

Melon I think that what has come over from all of this is that there are huge problems in terms of communication in your relationship and in terms of what your expectations of each other are.

You both need to decide whether you want to try to fix these or whether you want to walk away, but one thing is certain - staying together and getting angry and snippy at each other about these things without actually trying to fix them isn't doing either of you any good and in the long-term your DC will get caught in the crossfire.

If you do want to try to fix these issues then you both need to take responsibility for them and you both need to be open to making changes, rather than pointing the finger at the other person and expecting them to change.

From the sounds of it neither of you are ogres but both of you are pretty unreasonable with each other, so their is scope for change - if that's what you both want. Only you can know which option you want to take.

But in the meantime, what is clear is that if you go off somewhere in the supermarket he is going to carry on shopping. Either accept that or when you go off explicitly ask him to wait. But don't say nothing and then get mad at him.

I am forever getting annoyed at my OH for things like this but I usually think I ABU by getting annoyed. But I can't help it. His common sense is not the best. He has other fantastic qualities though.

Oh,just go to the supermarket on your own to get the bits of food and bedding, you don't need to take small children to get bed linen, never heard of such a thing. What a ridiculous posting about a very small issue. The issues at home seem to be what needs addressing mostly,

I’d be so chuffed if my dh had carried on and done the shopping!! I think you’re being dramatic!!

It would drive me nuts that I couldn’t find them, but good on him for doing the shopping. Also not sure how he was supposed to put your kid in the trolley and wait for you when you couldn’t.

I think you’re a control freak, argumentative and vvvvvv unreasonable!!

It used to give me the rage when I lost dp in the supermarket. I used to be wandering up and down the aisles with armfuls of shopping while he was happily sniffing candles or deciding on boot laces or something else not essential to life.

I solve the problem now by hanging onto the trolley and giving him 4 year old ds. Eventually I hear ds or can find them by the yoghurt, or toy section or near the fruitshoots and fizzy pop bit.

I get to shop in peace. Ds will sniff candles and look at boot laces quite happliy.

I also keep my bag and purse with me. They always find me eventualy to pay for their haul 😁

Get a grip. You’re arguing over him walking around a supermarket?!
Take a second to think how ridiculous and petty that is, gain some perspective.

Haaaa what the fck have I just read!?!
OP: AIBU
Every response: YES!!!!
OP: You bunch of goady fcker, dumbasses, he's a prick and I'm totally reasonable.

Internet shopping!

For all of those withering on about OP going to the loo before going out... SHE DID.
For the rest of pile on "OMG YAB sooo U" it's not just about the shopping. It's about her DP being selfish and thoughtless in day to day life.

HTH

It's very dramatic!

What did you think he should have done, realistically?

Do you know what I agree with you OP lol! I wouldve been livid and in fact this has happened and I was livid and my husband actually doesnt do that anymore. He stays in the vicinity of the loos... maybe he does carry on shopping a bit but not out of pretty easy distance of the loos so that I dont miss him when I come out.

In my defence I was heavily pregnant the time he did it and I went livid. I actually just left the supermarket after looking for him and got the bus home!! Probably wouldnt do that when I wasnt pregnant but as I said hes never done it since so I guess I made my point.

Ocado.

Supermarkets are notorious for having shit phone reception. So why didn’t you just go straight to the info/ciggi kiosk and ask them to put a call out over the tannoy?

“Can Mr Mellonjelly please return to customer services, thank you, bing bong ...”

Given what you have said above this sounds like its your 'straw which bust the camels back'. Your dp sounds very irritating for the communication issues with childcare and school and instead of focusing on those you have zeroed in on this.

This issue was on both you. A miscommunication all around and you can accept it or not but in the grand scheme of things you sound like you both have far bigger problems. Because we cant see everything before and have the context , almost everyone sees you as unreasonable. Because this non event is. The rest however is enough to try anyones patience.

You are completely BU! It’s not his fault you couldn’t find him, he was in the super market shopping and then he was waiting for you at the entrance! How hard is it to walk along looking up each aisle and at each till until you find him?! If I was him I’d have been pissed off that you left him with unruly kids and shopping to do and then had a go when he did it!

This is bonkers, who stands still in a supermarket, with or without children.

Don’t go to the loo. Problem solved.

Also, it sounds like you need to be shopping online. It costs virtually nothing for an evening delivery and is less that the petrol or Diesel you would use dragging the family to the shops.