Pathetic rant but who ibu?

[Melonjelly]

Just been to a fairly large supermarket with dp and 2 dc. Youngest one was out of trolley and running around. He kept kicking off when we put him in the trolley.

We were in the veg aisle when I said to dp I need to pop to the loo, can you stay with the kids.

I went to the loo and was there for less than 2 mins. I come back to the veg aisle where I thought he would be. He's not there. I start scanning all the other veg aisles. No sign of him or kids. I traipse up the cooked meat aisle (we didn't need a lot of food, just a few bits and bobs). Again no sign of him. I walk up to the other end of the store to see if he's gone to get milk. Not there. I go to the bread aisle. Not there. I think to myself I wonder if he's taken the boys to look at toys to keep them distracted. I walked down the other end of the (large) shop. Not there. I go out of the store to see if he's making his way to the car. Nope.

I go back inside and search every aisle looking for him. Still no sign. I ring him. Supermarket is the worst for signal. If goes straight to vm. I try again. Straight to vm. I search around some more. Still can't see him. I try calling him twice more. Voicemail.

I go in front of the tills and search every single one. Not there. I eventually ring him and it gets through. He's at the doorway to the store, he's bought and paid the shopping. So ten to fifteen minutes I spent traipsing aisles searching for him.

He did the same last week and Again I spent a good ten minutes searching for him. When I eventually found him I said if I go to the loo can you please wait where you are so I can find you again.

So today I was fuming that he'd done it again.

He said 'dc2 was running off so I just wanted to get the shopping done and get out of there' so I said you'll have to put him in the trolley and teach the kids to wait so I can find you.

He said 'all you care about is ME ME ME, you're not bothered about what I want and the fact that the kids are hard work and I just wanted to get out of there'  to which I said you're missing the point, if you have waited I'd have been back in a couple of minutes. He's accused me of being selfish and asked me 'how hard is it to find me when you knew where I was going?' ??? Erm very considering I looked and looked again and you weren't fucking there you arsehole!!

So Who was being unreasonable! Even if you tell me I am it doesn't make him being a tosser any less of a tosser.

I was two minutes in the loo if that. When I came back he'd gone. I spent ten maybe 15 further mins looking got him to be told when he eventually answers his phone that he's bought the shopping and was at the front door (that I would have been at 5 or so mins earlier).

And yup of it was the role reversal I would have just put youngest in the trolley and let him scream and have waited for dp to get back. I couldn't find him because all the logical places I bought he'd be he wasn't! So that's how I couldn't find him. Because he wasn't there! Can I be any clearer??

YABU OP if you just expect him to stand there with two children until you get back and also for expecting him to put your child in the trolley when you wouldn't.

Don’t do family trips to the supermarket. One of you stays home with DC the other does the shop. You said this was a special trip for their bedding but you also said he did the same last week.

Go to the loo before you leave the house.

YABU to expect him to stand still with 2 kids, one misbehaving, while you go to the loo. Unless you were right outside the toilets, it would take longer than 2 minutes to walk to the toilets, use them and wash your hands and then walk back.

Well the 'logical place' for him to be was surely where he was last week when you went off to the loo leaving him with the children and the shopping trolley? At the exit?

Exactly my point @WellThisIsShit he expects me mind read what he'll be doing. I wouldn't mind if he said meet you at the front, I'll carry on shopping. But he doesn't. He's notoriously shit with communication both saying what he's doing and listening to people. It winds me up. All the people saying it was my bad for going for a pee in the first place I hope you all have perfect dp's who you can just sync up with all the time with no communication errors whatsoever! Pah!

This seems such a minor thing to be fuming about.

You are beon totally unreasonable! Kudos to your dp for taking the initiative!

I don’t think he’s a tosser I think YBU expecting him to put the DC in the trolley and wait there while said child kicked off. How come you hadn’t put DC in the trolley to teach him to wait? You should have taken the youngest to the loo with you instead of expecting him to stay still. Why dont you use the loo before you shop if it’s happened before?

I think either your seek and search skills are rubbish or your DH is a very quick shopper which is a skill in itself with 2 DC in tow, one of who is running around, and you should apologise.

But most people would walk on - Supermarkets can be tricky to find people but a systematic walk up and down the middle does the trick

@DeathStare I never said it was right where we where last week. I'm saying the same thing happened last week but a different bunch of aisle entirely. Today we didn't need the big shop, just a few sparse items but mainly we went to get the kids new bedding.

Next time: "I'm going to the loo. Meet you in the crisps* aisle"

*or whatever is convenient given your shopping list.

Or even "meet you back here" if you insist, but don't expect each other to be psychic!

It's just one of those things that's stressful at the time but not a problem in the grand scheme of things. Let it go now and have a nice evening

My DP is absolutely horrific at communication but I really can't see why you're getting wound up about this.

Erm to the poster upthread I did go to the loo before we left

YABU. He finished the shopping so you could all go home sooner.

Also, supermarkets are not the place for family days out. Take the DC by yourself on a quiet weekday and you will all enjoy the experience a lot more. Unless you need a wee.

And I did put youngest in the trolley despite his protest. It was dp that took him out again.

Why won't you admit that you're being unreasonable and quite frankly, a bit ridiculous?! Come ON. What would you think if you saw a man standing still in the middle of the veg aisle with two children, one screaming? And also you haven't answered the question of why you expected him to put the screaming one in the trolley when you couldn't/didn't manage it.

Sorry, I know this is a really frowned upon phrase on mumsnet but God you do sound like bloody hard work OP.

See post above yours @BrutusMcDogface

100% yabu

Husband completely in the right

Ah sorry, cross posted re: child in trolley.

Yes it would pengwynn but I didn't know he was going to. The loos aren't too far from the veg aisle in the store. So I thought he's just wait there for me to me to get back. Since they are fairly close by.

Why doesn’t one of you take the DCs to the park and the other one shop?

YABU for expecting him to put the DC in the trolley when you couldn't do it. You are also BU to expect him to wait in the one place. It's a supermarket. Of course, he's going to finish the shopping.
Where YANBU is in expecting him to say I'll wait for you at the door. Or to text you to tell you where he was waiting.
Are you annoyed about the lack of communication or about the abandonment? I get unnecessarily het up in similar situations but I know I have bizarre abandonment issues around shopping because my DM lost me in a shop when I was a dc.

While I understand your frustration, I think YABU to want your DP to wait around with two DC, one of whom is unruly. He got on with the chores while you were seeing to your personal needs. He shouldn't be getting hassle for that.