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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pathetic rant but who ibu?

342 replies

Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 17:38

Just been to a fairly large supermarket with dp and 2 dc. Youngest one was out of trolley and running around. He kept kicking off when we put him in the trolley.

We were in the veg aisle when I said to dp I need to pop to the loo, can you stay with the kids.

I went to the loo and was there for less than 2 mins. I come back to the veg aisle where I thought he would be. He's not there. I start scanning all the other veg aisles. No sign of him or kids. I traipse up the cooked meat aisle (we didn't need a lot of food, just a few bits and bobs). Again no sign of him. I walk up to the other end of the store to see if he's gone to get milk. Not there. I go to the bread aisle. Not there. I think to myself I wonder if he's taken the boys to look at toys to keep them distracted. I walked down the other end of the (large) shop. Not there. I go out of the store to see if he's making his way to the car. Nope.

I go back inside and search every aisle looking for him. Still no sign. I ring him. Supermarket is the worst for signal. If goes straight to vm. I try again. Straight to vm. I search around some more. Still can't see him. I try calling him twice more. Voicemail.

I go in front of the tills and search every single one. Not there. I eventually ring him and it gets through. He's at the doorway to the store, he's bought and paid the shopping. So ten to fifteen minutes I spent traipsing aisles searching for him.

He did the same last week and Again I spent a good ten minutes searching for him. When I eventually found him I said if I go to the loo can you please wait where you are so I can find you again.

So today I was fuming that he'd done it again.

He said 'dc2 was running off so I just wanted to get the shopping done and get out of there' so I said you'll have to put him in the trolley and teach the kids to wait so I can find you.

He said 'all you care about is ME ME ME, you're not bothered about what I want and the fact that the kids are hard work and I just wanted to get out of there'  to which I said you're missing the point, if you have waited I'd have been back in a couple of minutes. He's accused me of being selfish and asked me 'how hard is it to find me when you knew where I was going?' ??? Erm very considering I looked and looked again and you weren't fucking there you arsehole!!

So Who was being unreasonable! Even if you tell me I am it doesn't make him being a tosser any less of a tosser.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/02/2018 22:11

And for the sly remark about marriage, could it be possible I don't want to get married and he know this?

If you’re going to go around calling people dumbasses, goady fuckers, picking apart irrelevant mistakes in their posts and generally being rude to everyone that doesn’t agree with you, you should expect remarks back.

They don't really give a reason as to why it's such a ridiculous notion so frankly I don't buy it.

Yes they do, you just don’t want to admit it because that would be admitting you were being unreasonable, which of course you’re very stubbornly refusing to do.

DextroDependant · 10/02/2018 22:13

OP, I highly recommend the Kegel 8, will sort your bladder issues right out. Not your relationship though.

Original poster
Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 22:16

Well then if people stopped being goody i wouldn't call them out on being goady fuckers. And no they didn't give a reason. Not one that made sense anyway. It was just a case oh yeah, I'd carry in with shopping. When there's pros and cons of both ways of doing things. Not one is more correct than the other. Like I said I would not have minded that he did, but annoying when he doesn't make that clear to me ESPECIALLY since the same thing happened last week and we had a convo about it. Or should I keep repeating myself?

OP posts:
lavenderhidcote · 10/02/2018 22:18

You have been repeating yourself for 11 pages now so please give it a rest. Feel very sorry for your DP. YABVVVVU. HTH

Original poster
Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 22:20

11 pages? Is that all? Grin

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/02/2018 22:20

Nobody is being goady here, OP (although I’m starting to think you are).

You can repeat yourself as much as you want, but despite continually repeating yourself, you are still being told YABU. You’re just refusing to accept it.

Original poster
Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 22:20

Lavender you can have him WinkGrin

OP posts:
Original poster
Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 22:21

Oh I accept your opinion. Doesn't mean I have to agree with it.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/02/2018 22:24

So if you weren’t willing to accept YABU, why did you even post?

Rachie1973 · 10/02/2018 22:25

Melonjelly

Dumbasses out in full force tonight

Says the woman who lost her entire family in a supermarket

Original poster
Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 22:27

To get the general consensus. Doesn't mean I have to accept it as gospel. Live with him and find out for yourselves the bag of joy that he is. I bet the majority of people would rip their hair out after a week. Fine he may have been reasonable here but that doesn't mean I find him any less infuriating to deal with day to day.

OP posts:
Primarkismyonlyoption · 10/02/2018 22:28

Actually I can wee and wash in 2 mins. I always think this when I go into the ladies and most women (this is more common with age from my observations) are in there AGES. Like what are they doing? Pull trousers down. Wee. Wipe. Pull trousers up.
Anyway YANBU but would be going alone in future not worth the stress. And he is NBU for not wanting to stand still. Have you tackled the naughtiness though, rather than letting the child kick off every time you attempt to put him in the trolley? This is the issue here imo.

Original poster
Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 22:29

Yeah that wasn't on account of being dumb now was it @Rachie1973 ?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 10/02/2018 22:29

The reason why you were in the wrong for expecting him to wait stationary in the veg aisle is that it was time inefficient.

That you’re no good at looking for people in a supermarket (as evidenced by 2 separate occasions) is separate.

You both should have considered the other person’s limitations and preferences and communicated better.

But I still think it’s funny you’re outraged most posters wouldn’t wait where they were last standing in a supermarket.

Still, hopefully your chicken dinner was nice in the end?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/02/2018 22:29

So leave him, OP and stop insulting a load of people on the internet.

Original poster
Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 22:31

This issue for me is him not telling me what he's doing and when I ask him why it's cos the kids (one of them is running off).

So put him in the trolley and teach both kids that sometimes they need to wait. It's not that difficult. Seemingly is for him although I have done this numerous times in numerous circumstances. Saves people wandering round aimlessly looking for the other.

OP posts:
Original poster
Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 22:32

It was only pre cooked chicken in those packet thingies that you put on sandwiches and stuff. Dinner was something else.

OP posts:
buzzbottom · 10/02/2018 22:32

I think I would've taken the badly behaving child with me to the toilet and told DH to hang around the aisle so I know where he is.

Original poster
Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 22:33

To pee in peace is a luxury

OP posts:
EfficiencyDeficiency · 10/02/2018 22:34

Thanks for that op- I've now got the song doing the rounds in my head

"It's my perogative" .....

Anyway, back to the supermarket ( my money is on Asda ) I don't think you realise that just by repeating yourself you will get posters to change their minds.

Apart from a few other deluded people, the majority of people here have said YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE.

Or are you one of those women who goes to shit if she can't see her dp/dh at all times?

Your drip feed hasn't helped. You were sure you would be expected to pay so that's why you went? Give him your card/money.

Drip drip. I can't believe you have wasted hours of your day replaying this scenario in your head.

You seem very angry and rather unhinged.

Feel sorry for your partner. He finished the shopping. You need to get a grip seriously.

And if he's so bad, why are you still with him? Absolute genuine question.

Original poster
Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 22:34

He is only just turned two, he's not being deliberate, just wants to explore.

Still it's all the more reason why he needs to learn to wait sometimes. Even if 'waiting' really means loitering close to where I left them.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 10/02/2018 22:35

It was only pre cooked chicken in those packet thingies that you put on sandwiches and stuff.

Disappointing Sad

PurpleRobe · 10/02/2018 22:40

@NoSquirrels

Clearly Not true

Original poster
Melonjelly · 10/02/2018 22:40

I don't carry money generally, I only carry a card. I also needed fuel in the car so filled up at pump when I was there, again my fuel so my card was used. Also he hates taking my card. Like if he's gone to the convenience store to buy something (I.e bread or something), he literally won't take my card even though they do contactless payment. He always says 'no cause if i get caught using Miss Melons card I could get in bother' so he doesn't like doing it. I suppose it is fraudulent but I give him permission and he still refuses.

Yeah I don't know why I'm with him. It's not easy to leave though.

OP posts:
Primarkismyonlyoption · 10/02/2018 22:40

Apologies Melon I got the impression it was some tearaway 6 year old!
TBH if it were my kid I'd be able to trace it by the screaming.
You need to wee before leaving the house!

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