To tell someone their kids should come first

[Sophisticatedsarcasm]

Yesterday I was meeting with some friends one of which I’m not as close with but she always tags along which is fine. We got onto the subject and she said how she doesn’t have any money to buy her kids some new school shoes. Before that topic had came up she was saying how a family member was on holiday and was getting her some cigarettes and alcohol and it was really cheap. (She was paying for it)
Usually I bite my tongue but she just pissed me off.
I said to her how about maybe she should stop drinking and smoking and buy her kid the new school shoes they need. She only has 2 kids. She was a bit gobsmacked. Didn’t really say much just made up an excuse and left.
Am I the only one bothered by the fact that people not putting their kids first and complain about the kids not having any nice clothes etc when they spend a majority of their money on stuff they don’t really need.

I don’t drink or smoke and I just about make ends meet, the only time I buy stuff for my self is Christmas and birthday. All my other spare money gets spent on my fast growing children. Esp3cially my son who seems to grow inches every day 🙈 I manage to £50 for holiday every month and £50 for Christmas every month. I’m not the only one that feels like this right?

Well done. I totally appreciate you being direct. You felt so in the moment, so that's fine, no?

When someone moans just because they are (effectively) selfish, they should also be able to take a bit of criticism. I would be thankful if someone was direct to me (even if it comes across as slightly rude) so I have a chance to rethink/ correct my own behaviour.

We can go on about: how worn were the shoes, did the kid really need new ones etc etc, but you were totally RIGHT to get annoyed and so right in fact, you do not need mine (or other posters) approval.

Came on to say that children shouldn't always come first but in this instance she should buy her kids shoes

However YABU because it's nothing to do with you

I agree with you but there's no way I would have called her on it. I would have just hoiked the shit out of my bosom for the rest of the day.

@0hCrepe, exactly. If she's not worked it out herself and no one challenges her, she might well coast along in a feckless bubble.

Don't think I could bite my tongue in that situation so would probably have done the same OP. And then distance myself from her so I don't have to listen to such shite again.

Rude.

Maybe she's waiting for money from cb, maintenance, tax credits etc.
She may have had the money for the cheap cigs and given it to family member way before child needed shoes.
Maybe she's paying family member when they get back and didn't have money for cigs or shoes.

YABU and very smug, certainly no friend to this person.
Are you always so rude to people? Did your parents not socialise you properly?

I think you did the right thing. Her children’s needs should come first.
The cost of cigarettes these days are phenomenal I know people that spend £70-£80 weekly yet NEVER take their children on holiday.
I know people have different priorities in life and holidays are a want and not a need and I also know when you have an addiction etc how hard they are to give up but to me it’s selfish, I couldn’t spend £280 month on cigs knowing my children go without other things.

You were right to think what you did. And if you don’t mind losing the friendship then you were right to say what you thought as well.

I agree with you although i wouldn't have said it out loud. Would have just been thinking it.

you sound smug and nasty. 'Tags along' does she?
the poor woman with 'friends' like you.
However you were probably right tbh, shoes should come before fags and booze.

Urgh, I think I'm in the midst of a sea change on this one. Normally, I'd be saying that you shouldn't judge but, no, fuck it. If someone is serving their desire for fags and booze before their children's need for shoes and are stupid enough to whine about it in front of others then I think yeah, I'd have struggled not to point that out too.

This

YABU, so is your friend.

I’m with you OP!

Someone I know moans constantly about not having any money for baby wipes and nappies and bitches that no one will help her out, yet in the next breathe is talking about her new tattoo she has booked or the new trainers she’s bought etc. I’ve had to point it out too

I'm with you OP, buying fags and booze when your kids need shoes is fucking disgraceful parenting

I would bite my tongue with someone I didn't know very well and probably distance myself because her lifestyle views are distasteful to me. However, sometimes it's not unreasonable to be forthright with others.

You were 100% right

About time someone told the selfish cow

Well, it's done now. Sounds like she needed to hear some plain honest speaking, maybe she'll reign herself in now, who knows.
Don't reproach yourself OP, poor kids.

It’s probably a good thing to have pointed that out, in the right phrasing. But children don’t come first, essentials for children come before fags and booze.

How I wish someone had said that to my mum when I was a kid.

Good on you OP.

Maybe rude in your phrasing, but right.

And if she'd been buying lunch for the two of you? Would you have voiced the same objection?

That's a really odd reproach pengggwin. What makes you think the op is so self serving? There can't be many people who would sit on a strong belief just for a free lunch.

A free car maybe...(moral compass wobble)

Good on you for giving it to her straight. She will hate you for it, but who cares? If she can afford to drink and smoke then she can’t be that poor, so would get no sympathy from me either. Poor kids.