My daughter's dog. (Fast becoming mine ) do not want the responsibility

[Littleoldme52]

Hi all
Know it's late but am in real need of advice.
My DD brought her puppy four years ago in July of this year.
I was against it as we live in a flat.
Within two days she had "separation issues" so her boyfriend's parents took him on. They have a house with a garden.
Coco would then stay with us one night in the week and then at weekends.
That was fine . Then my daughters boyfriend's parents sold up and moved away so coco and her boyfriend came to live with us. Love him to death.
All still fine, daughters boyfriend was brilliant walking him before work, after work, clearing up after him etc.
Daughter and her boyfriend (of 8years) broke up and he moved out 😞
So , here is my dilemma. Daughter has never really been responsible for her dog. Bearing in mind he lived with her boyfriend and his parents for the first 3 years.
Coco is now at ours full time. My daughter has met a new boyfriend and is barely here, so I am left looking after her dog. I live in a flat, I have poop bags on my balcony 😡
I am the one that feeds him, polishes the furniture after he jumps all over it. Has to let him in and out all blinking night. He is hard work. He is a cocker spaniel so he needs lots of exercise and he is not getting it.
I get so frustrated with him and it's not fair because he is such a lovely dog.
But ( I will get condemned for this) he is not my dog or my responsibility.
Just to add I have RA so get very tired after work

Coco is collateral damage in a dysfunctional mother and daughter dynamic.

Step up your game OP. Be part of the solution and stop being part of the problem.

Your daughter is selfish as fuck.

Yep, she does have time. All that time she spends at her boyfriends. She CHOOSES to go there, most nights, from work, when she knows that at home there's a poor little dog that desperately needs exercise and a mum tearing her hair out at having to cope with a cooped up, unhappy frustrated dog. She COULD choose to go home, take that dog straight out for a 45 minute walk then go to her boyfriends. Or take the dog to her boyfriends every other night and they walk the dog together. Nope, too much hassle. Can't be bothered with all that.

She doesn't 'love the dog'. She makes a big noise about loving it but doesn't even fulfil its most basic needs. She doesn't give a shit about the dog. If she did, she wouldn't be able to enjoy all her evenings at her boyfriends, having not even bothered to go and see her dog, leaving the poor thing bored and cooped up while she can't even make time to exercise it.

She needs a really hard lesson - you 'not wanting to upset her' translates as you actually helping her grow into this selfish person. A real dog lover would look on her and her childish jabberings about 'I looove him toooo much' and feel disgust. No, that's not 'loving' an animal, that's treating it appallingly.

And that's before you even get to what she thinks of you. She knows her mum has arthritis issues, can't walk the dog, is struggling with it, and her answer is 'noooooo can't rehome it'? Not 'Mum I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have to take responsibility for MY dog, from now on I'll make sure I'm home every evening and deal with the dog as I should be doing'? No. Just a puppy-dog-eyes bit of whining then back to tripping off to boyfriends after work not giving a shit about all the trouble she's causing you.

Katie is a brat. Coco needs a proper home where she's not at the mercy of being 'loved' by a selfish brat.

You have been gifted a wonderful opportunity here op to teach your daughter a valuable life lesson of what love really is, it is a case of making sacrifices in order to benefit the object of your love, of doing the hard thing for you but the right thing for the dog.

Keeping an animal in an unsuitable environment, under stimulated mentally and under exercised physically is not loving that animal, you put your own 'wants' aside for the ' needs' of the animal.

If she was my daughter I'd have gone ballistic the minute she brought it home, she has had four years to improve things, but hasn't, because she's quite happy for you to pick up the workload. My mother has RA, and is now at the point where she is practically crippled, I wouldn't dream of dumping an animal she couldn't cope with on her, totally selfish behaviour.

If you don't put your foot down now you are going to end up even more stressed which can worsen RA, there are many times when you have to be cruel to be kind in the long run, and this is one of them.

Your daughter needs to learn to consider her mother and the animals she supposedly loves before her own feelings. You will end up with a nicer daughter the sooner that lesson is learned.

I have told my daughter many many times of my concerns about coco, she will not give him up

She won't give him up because she is being selfish. She's thinking about what she wants, not what is best for the dog.

Sorry my daughter is not a selfish brat, she is a hard worker. She cannot take coco into the groomers as he does not like it.

Sorry but she is being selfish. I understand that the dog might not be happy at her workplace - cockers are active dogs so I suspect he wants to run about and that won't be suitable for her work. However she's not coming up with any viable alternatives, is she? She's just leaving it to be your problem.

I am sitting here so frustrated and the negative comments are really not helping

People are being negative because you seem to be burying your head in the sand. You want someone to come up with a magic solution and there isn't one.

Coco is so well loved you would not believe it

Not loved enough to take his best interests into account though.

I just want to say that coco is the most spoilt dog in the world who gets the most love and affection

Affection and spoiling aren't the sole components of love. It's also about doing what's best for him. And he is not being well looked after right now - sorry, but he isn't. Two 30 minute walks a day will not be touching the sides of the exercise that he needs - note that's not wants, needs.

Have tried to tell Katie , who responds with . " I will not re-home him I love him to much"

But she doesn't love him - not really. If she did she wouldn't be leaving him to suffer. He's going out of his mind with boredom which will be causing him stress, and he'll have additional cortisol racing round his body because he's not burning off the energy - because he's not getting enough exercise. She is putting her own interests first and that dog is suffering as a result.

I understand that she works hard. But people who have active dogs don't have jobs that take them away for 12 hours a day - and that's part and parcel of the responsibility of having a dog.

Re-home him. And if your daughter is so insistent that she doesn't want to do that, then she'd better stop spending 6 days a week round at her boyfriend's house - she needs to be walking that dog every morning and every night and getting a dog walker in for the middle of the day. My old neighbour used to have two cockers and they'd be walked - in all weathers - for an hour three times a day.

Here are some links that might help OP:-

www.caessr.org.uk/rehoming/surrender/giving-up-a-spaniel.html

www.dogstrust.org.uk/

www.bluecross.org.uk/home-direct-scheme

www.spanielassist.com/about-us

www.thecockerspanielclub.co.uk/rescue.htm

Did you speak to your DD?

I’m sure she does love the dog, but she doesn’t want to take care of it. She wants a pet without any of the responsibility, and hey you’ll do it. Which she knows.

Have a look at the Cinnamon Trust.
They may be able to help you.

Who's made your DD into a princess?
She needs to take responsibility for her pet or get him rehomed.

What kind of person leaves a high energy breed in a flat with a frail disabled person?

ZOMBIE thread bumped by spammer!

You say you’re concerned about your daughter as she has anxiety issues but , irrespective of these, her dog is causing you some grief and you cannot cope with it any more.
You need to put your foot down but you don’t want to. In the meantime Coco is getting increasingly bored.
You shouldn’t have to put up with poo on your balcony or being dragged down the stairs.
You need to be firm and tell your daughter that she either comes home in the evenings, takes her dog with her or you will re-home it.
There is no other way.
I’m sure that Coco is adored but she clearly needs more than either you or your daughter are able to offer her.

ZOMBIE! 🧟‍♀️