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AIBU?

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Original poster

My daughter's dog. (Fast becoming mine ) do not want the responsibility

213 replies

Littleoldme52 · 10/02/2018 00:39

Hi all
Know it's late but am in real need of advice.
My DD brought her puppy four years ago in July of this year.
I was against it as we live in a flat.
Within two days she had "separation issues" so her boyfriend's parents took him on. They have a house with a garden.
Coco would then stay with us one night in the week and then at weekends.
That was fine . Then my daughters boyfriend's parents sold up and moved away so coco and her boyfriend came to live with us. Love him to death.
All still fine, daughters boyfriend was brilliant walking him before work, after work, clearing up after him etc.
Daughter and her boyfriend (of 8years) broke up and he moved out 😞
So , here is my dilemma. Daughter has never really been responsible for her dog. Bearing in mind he lived with her boyfriend and his parents for the first 3 years.
Coco is now at ours full time. My daughter has met a new boyfriend and is barely here, so I am left looking after her dog. I live in a flat, I have poop bags on my balcony 😡
I am the one that feeds him, polishes the furniture after he jumps all over it. Has to let him in and out all blinking night. He is hard work. He is a cocker spaniel so he needs lots of exercise and he is not getting it.
I get so frustrated with him and it's not fair because he is such a lovely dog.
But ( I will get condemned for this) he is not my dog or my responsibility.
Just to add I have RA so get very tired after work

OP posts:
malovitt · 10/02/2018 07:40

Why dont you register with Borrowmydoggie in the short term? At least the dog will be getting some exercise.

There are far more people wanting to walk dogs than owners in my area.

FissionChips · 10/02/2018 07:41

That dog is going to end up snapping at people, the chewing is a sign of frustration. 30mins twice per day is not adequate exercise.

Please rehome him before he develops serious behaviour issues, he deserves a happy life .

KnittedBobbleHat · 10/02/2018 07:49

Your daughter is a bit of a brat isn't she? The dog is suffering and it doesn't sound like she loves either you or the dog very much...she doesn't care for either of you

beboldbebluntbehonest · 10/02/2018 07:54

Don't bother asking your dd and just rehome him with a proper rescue centre.
She doesn't have responsibility for him you do so she doesn't get a choice.
Absolutely disgusting to have a cocker spaniel in a flat!! They need so much walking and extra activities as they are a working breed.
Never let her get another pet whilst she is under your roof! I would also discourage her getting another pet even when she isn't tbh as she's completely irresponsible!!

fenneltea · 10/02/2018 07:58

Please rehome the dog OP, it is totally unfair to keep an active breed like that cooped up in a flat, your daughter is being totally selfish keeping him like that, especially when she isn't spending time with him. It is your home, and you need to be the one to make the decision, your daughter relinquished her right to keep him when she stopped caring for him.

TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally · 10/02/2018 07:59

Is it just me that reads "She is a Princess" and translates it to "She's a spoiled madam who kicks up a stink if things don't go her way"?

Your daughter does not love the dog. She has fuck-all to do with the dog because she abrogates that responsibility onto someone else and has done since day one. First her Ex's parents, then her Ex and now you. You're worried about "breaking her heart" but have a wee think about the fact that she doesn't appear to give a shit about the effect it's having on you.

Rehome the dog - because it's the fairest thing to do for the poor bloody animal. Cockers are working dogs and need stimulation and exercise. I have two dogs of my own BTW so I know exactly what's involved in caring for them properly.

londonrach · 10/02/2018 08:01

This thread is getting silly. Op wake up your selfish daughter isnt going to help. Rehome the dog but let ex bf know first as he has a claim on coco. Your health more important. Your selfish adult daughter needs to grow up and look after her mum here! Ra is no joke!

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 10/02/2018 08:04

Sorry but your DD is selfish, spoiled and immature Angry, tell her you cannot look after the dog and SHE needs to find a solution.

TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally · 10/02/2018 08:04

People like your daughter make me very bloody cross because they are the last people who should ever have a dog. They get sucked in by a cute looking puppy - let me guess, multiple posts all over social media when she first got him so that she could show off?

Then the nano-second it dawned on her that actually puppies are hard work and dogs are a real tie, she dumped it on someone else. I bet that any mention of re-homing the dog brings on tears and tantrums and an attack of 'poor me'. She won't give a crap about missing the dog - this will be all about what it will look like to her friends. No consideration of how cruel it is to put an active breed in a small and unsuitable property where it's chewing and destroying because it's going out of it's mind with boredom.

Mrsmadevans · 10/02/2018 08:06

What a spoilt horrible Daughter , her behaviour is very cruel. Stop letting her get away with it OP .Rehome the dog asap , stand up for yourself and stop allowing this cruelty.

BiteyShark · 10/02/2018 08:06

Oh it's very easy to love a dog if you just come in and pat him on the head. As you know being responsible for a dog involves so much more than organising a dog walker. You never asked for the dog and cannot care for it with your health. There are no others that can step in so yes rehoming would be the best as it sounds like the dog is bored and under exercised and mentally stimulated.

Who is registered as the legal owner in terms of chip details etc. If it's your daughter you need to get her to rehome him otherwise just do it yourself. After all this time she isn't going to suddenly turn round and be the responsible owner so if she starts to emotionally blackmail you to continue to care for the dog you need to be strong.

KingLooieCatz · 10/02/2018 08:07

I wonder how the little princess came to be so selfish and entitled?

It's a mystery for sure.

ChasedByBees · 10/02/2018 08:08

She doesn’t have to stay with her new partner for 6 days a week. She could choose to care for her dog. She chooses not to.

It may break her heart to regime the dog but then she will learn that if you love something, you take care of it. Right now, she is hurting the dog by not providing it a space to run and play or caring for it.

You need to be firm here. She looks after it - full time - or it is rehomed.

MyBoysAndI · 10/02/2018 08:11

Princess Hmm how pathetic. If that's how you treat her then no wonder you have been lumbered.

You have a choice - tell your "princess" to sort the dog out completely or it has to be rehomed.

Or

Carry on doing everything and being your "princesses" minion

Forgeteverythingandremember · 10/02/2018 08:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isetan · 10/02/2018 08:14

I’m guessing your ‘little princess’ wasn’t born into royalty but rather, raised thinking that people I.e you, would pick up her slack.

I sympathise with your health issues but the selfish and entitled attitude that you’ve enabled in your DD, less so. Being responsible for your DD’s dog is a consequence of enabling her not to take responsibility of her dog. Has it ever occurred to you that your behaviour and that of her Ex are exactly the reasons why she isn’t taking responsibility for the dog?

NoFucksImAQueen · 10/02/2018 08:21

So from your updates the dog does actually go out twice a day is that right? Once with the walked and again with her after work? Can you ask her to take him with her when she goes to her boyfriends in the evening so he can have fuss and attention?

Mupflup · 10/02/2018 08:21

OP I'm sorry to echo the others but your daughter does not love the dog in the way a dog needs to be loved. Loving a dog means more than making a fuss over him and giving him a cuddle every now and again.

Love for a dog is getting up at 5am because they need a wee, then taking them for a long walk in the pissing down rain in the dark before you go to work. Making sure they get enough proper exercise as they're miserable and frustrated without it. It's playing endless games of 'throw the duckie' when you'd rather be reading a book. It's trudging round the garden picking up shit. Cleaning muddy pawprints off the floor for the millionth time after you've just mopped it. It's about making (often huge) sacrifices to your social life, holidays etc so that they can be with you and know that they are safe and loved, which is all they want and what they deserve seeing as you chose to bring them into your family. It's about finding someone to do ALL of those things for you when you can't for some reason - and OP as sad as it is it doesn't sound like you can be that person, through absolutely no fault of your own.

Your daughter is doing NONE of that. Please rehome the dog so someone can love him properly, the way a dog deserves to be loved.

BMW6 · 10/02/2018 08:31

OP do the right thing for the dog - rehome.
Its all very well for her to wail "but I lurve him", he needs proper walks and to live with a family who can look after him properly.
Frankly I wouldn't trust her to do right so I think you will have to take charge of this and tell her it is happening. She got the puppy originally but in truth it has never been her dog.
It would be her dog if every day she walked it for at least an hour, picked up all its shit, sat with it and played with it.

Its not her dog. Its an accessory to her. I expect she loves her handbags too.

Dancinggoat · 10/02/2018 08:35

Your D loves him but not enough to care for him.
If she's staying at her BF the dog should go there with her.
She is also happy to see you struggle.
I think you need to lay down the rules and stop pandering to her.

Kardashianlove · 10/02/2018 08:35

Your DD really doesn’t love this dog OP. She may SAY she does but all her actions say otherwise.

Layla8 · 10/02/2018 08:38

Sorry, but your DD needs to grow up. The poor dog needs much more exercise and stimulation than you can provide. Stop babying your DD and tell her straight, the dog needs to be with someone who will treat him properly. The dog is the important one here, not your selfish daughter.

monkeywithacowface · 10/02/2018 08:39

She doesn't love him she loves the idea of him. Sorry but wake up and see that your daughter is a selfish, lazy, uncaring little madam.

floriad · 10/02/2018 08:39

I think you need to have an honest and frank discussion with your DD.

She the could ask the ex - boyfriend or you could look into rehoming the dog.

YOu sound very responsible and it's imo obvious that you love the dog. But he's not your dog or responsibility, so your sentiments are more than understandable imo.

bunbunny · 10/02/2018 08:40

Would the ex bf want coco if he wasn't travelling?

If so could his parents or another friend have him for a year and then the ex have him on his return?

Or does he know anyone that would want coco permanently?