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AIBU?

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Original poster

My daughter's dog. (Fast becoming mine ) do not want the responsibility

213 replies

Littleoldme52 · 10/02/2018 00:39

Hi all
Know it's late but am in real need of advice.
My DD brought her puppy four years ago in July of this year.
I was against it as we live in a flat.
Within two days she had "separation issues" so her boyfriend's parents took him on. They have a house with a garden.
Coco would then stay with us one night in the week and then at weekends.
That was fine . Then my daughters boyfriend's parents sold up and moved away so coco and her boyfriend came to live with us. Love him to death.
All still fine, daughters boyfriend was brilliant walking him before work, after work, clearing up after him etc.
Daughter and her boyfriend (of 8years) broke up and he moved out 😞
So , here is my dilemma. Daughter has never really been responsible for her dog. Bearing in mind he lived with her boyfriend and his parents for the first 3 years.
Coco is now at ours full time. My daughter has met a new boyfriend and is barely here, so I am left looking after her dog. I live in a flat, I have poop bags on my balcony 😡
I am the one that feeds him, polishes the furniture after he jumps all over it. Has to let him in and out all blinking night. He is hard work. He is a cocker spaniel so he needs lots of exercise and he is not getting it.
I get so frustrated with him and it's not fair because he is such a lovely dog.
But ( I will get condemned for this) he is not my dog or my responsibility.
Just to add I have RA so get very tired after work

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 11/02/2018 00:46

Little you're not being a bitch, you need to prioritise your health needs and the needs of the dog.

Be strong like steel!

I don't think your daughter recognises the impact your health may have on day to day living

Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 00:47

How do I add a photo coco ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 00:50

Coco

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/02/2018 00:52

What I suggested earlier, but it was deleted (because I suggested something else too), was that you contact the Ex BF and ask him to see if his parents would consider giving Coco a home until he comes back from his travels. Explain that it’s beyond you to look after Coco properly & that Princess Katie prioritises her new boyfriend over Coco (and you). Why not do that? It’s not Katies choice when she’s not the one looking after him.

Nanny0gg · 11/02/2018 00:53

Bless him he was running down the stairs and pulled me down the last 5

So also has never been properly trained. He wouldn't be pulling so much if he had been.

And all this 'we love him too much' stuff. If he was properly loved he would be properly trained, walked and looked after. She isn't doing any of that.

And you should have refused to have had the dog in your flat in the first place.

I hope you do show her this thread tomorrow.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/02/2018 00:56

Coco

My daughter's dog. (Fast becoming mine ) do not want the responsibility
Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 00:56

Thank you , I was trying to put a photo of coco up but could not do it.
Like I said I need to talk to Katie, this sounds pathetic but I hate upsetting her.
My health needs to come first , I think because I have been such a drama queen in the past both my kids are not taking things seriously.
But, this is my home. I have worked hard to make it what it is and I am sorry but to have coco destroy it .
It is so so not fair.
Again HE IS NOT MY DOG.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/02/2018 00:58

Anyone can post a photo lifted off the internet and say it’s their dog/house/car, it doesn’t make it so.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/02/2018 01:01

I’m replying because you asked why people troll.

Attention I suppose or get MNers ‘frothing’. There’s a whole lot of people out there that laugh & joke and try to outdo each other trolling Mumsnet.

They’re mostly twats that need to get out more, but some of them are just sad, lonely people, who need to get attention somehow, anyhow.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/02/2018 01:04

She’s your daughter, it’s natural to not want to upset her, but she’s an adult and you need to treat her like an adult. She either takes responsibility for Coco or she finds him a new home, she simply cannot leave his care to you. She is behaving incredibly selfishly.

slashlover · 11/02/2018 01:05

Your daughter may love Coco, however she is choosing to spend time with the new BF over the dog. It is almost cruel to keep a dog that needs a lot of exercise in a flat and no amount of love trumps an animals welfare.

I have a cat and would dearly love to adopt another one, but I know my cat would have issues with it and I live in a flat so it's not in her best interests.

FancyABrewOrTwo · 11/02/2018 01:06

OP I mentioned it because all you keep doing is posting platitude comments of 'but she really loves the dog' and 'she won't rehome' followed by 'but what can I do' when this thread has been full of ideas on what to do.

Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 01:08

I know 😞 The photo above is not coco

My daughter's dog. (Fast becoming mine ) do not want the responsibility
OP posts:
Carouselfish · 11/02/2018 01:10

If the ex bf or his parents (if they had it as a puppy how could they bear to let it go? They might welcome it back!) won't take it, it needs to be rehomed. Going to the toilet on the balcony is awful, the dog won't enjoy that any more than you enjoy the result! Two half hour walks isn't enough.

Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 01:10

And I have said that I will talk to her, but she has anxiety issues. Yes she works in a groomers but he hates it there.

OP posts:
ShmooBooMoo · 11/02/2018 01:11

OP.. It makes tough reading, I'm sure, but you are partly responsible for your daughter's attitude towards Coco... You make too many excuses for her and enable her behaviour towards him.

Love is not just paying pet insurance, paying a dog walker, covering food costs... Love is an action. It's spending time with the dog, interacting with the dog, walking the dog, cleaning his mess up etc.

You say she does 12 hour days but six days a week she still manages to spend every evening at her boyfriend's? Why can't she go to his less often and spend time with her dog? Or, take the dog to his after work so she can spend time with him and give him a decent walk and fuss?

She sounds very, very immature! She wants her cake and eat it too, no matter the cost to the dog and to your health and sanity.

It's time to take the 'mug' sticker off your forehead and tell her that the dog, in order to be fair to both him and you, gets re-homed or she steps up! Stepping up could mean giving up her 6-8 am cleaning role and giving Coco a decent walk, paying for an hour long afternoon walk daily and collecting him in the evening and taking him to her boyfriend's with her....or staying home!

Personally, I think you are going to be fighting a constant battle... You should show her this thread, explain to her that she will do right by you and the dog and re-home him if she has any respect for you and truly loves him. Being cooped up in a flat, even with two short walks a day, is no life for this breed!

Next time...she should get a goldfish!

ilovesooty · 11/02/2018 01:12

If you won't get a bit of backbone and put your daughter straight you'll just continue to close your eyes to the shortcomings in the dog's care - care that even if you wanted to you're not physically capable of providing.

TryAgainAndAgain · 11/02/2018 01:14

What acute dog.

Katie, if your Mum has shown you this thread then I hope you take on board some of the things people have been saying. It sounds like your .Mum is much too nice! So stop taking advantage of her and start looking after your adorable dog yourself. If you can't then get him rehomed.

Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 01:17

Do u know what.
ShooMooBoo
You make perfect sense xxxxx

OP posts:
EC22 · 11/02/2018 01:42

Letting the dog do the toilet on your balcony is revolting, you must have neighbours living in a flat? I’m surprised they don’t complain.

You cannot keep the dog unless your daughter does a 360 and grows up.

UnmitigatedBollocks · 11/02/2018 01:49

She might love the dog in her way but she doesn’t love it in a way that’s any use to the dog.

Just go ahead and start the rehoming process. Start with the breeder and then move on to breed rescue.

safariboot · 11/02/2018 02:56

The dog's owner, your DD, needs to make time for the dog or else rehome it herself. It's her responsibility.

NewBrian · 11/02/2018 04:08

I’m 24 and lived in a flat with my spaniel for a few years. We’d go out 5 times a day for toilet breaks, 2 of those would be a proper walk. I find a dog sitter when I’m at work and I don’t sleep out because I’ve got a dog!

timeisnotaline · 11/02/2018 09:55

But she is selfish. Love isn’t good enough, and tbh it’s not really love if she isn’t committed to the dog which she never has been. Parents who love their children lose them because they don’t feed clothe or educate them. Husbands say they love their wives and still hit them. Love is important but it’s not the answer.

Gabilan · 11/02/2018 10:00

this sounds pathetic but I hate upsetting her

And she knows that and takes advantage of it.