Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My daughter's dog. (Fast becoming mine ) do not want the responsibility

213 replies

Littleoldme52 · 10/02/2018 00:39

Hi all
Know it's late but am in real need of advice.
My DD brought her puppy four years ago in July of this year.
I was against it as we live in a flat.
Within two days she had "separation issues" so her boyfriend's parents took him on. They have a house with a garden.
Coco would then stay with us one night in the week and then at weekends.
That was fine . Then my daughters boyfriend's parents sold up and moved away so coco and her boyfriend came to live with us. Love him to death.
All still fine, daughters boyfriend was brilliant walking him before work, after work, clearing up after him etc.
Daughter and her boyfriend (of 8years) broke up and he moved out 😞
So , here is my dilemma. Daughter has never really been responsible for her dog. Bearing in mind he lived with her boyfriend and his parents for the first 3 years.
Coco is now at ours full time. My daughter has met a new boyfriend and is barely here, so I am left looking after her dog. I live in a flat, I have poop bags on my balcony 😡
I am the one that feeds him, polishes the furniture after he jumps all over it. Has to let him in and out all blinking night. He is hard work. He is a cocker spaniel so he needs lots of exercise and he is not getting it.
I get so frustrated with him and it's not fair because he is such a lovely dog.
But ( I will get condemned for this) he is not my dog or my responsibility.
Just to add I have RA so get very tired after work

OP posts:
Finderscrispy · 10/02/2018 22:55

Rehoming is 1 solution, but there are others as I have suggested. Obviously those solutions are dependant upon the daughter making more of an effort.

I also wonder if the op has communicated the issues she has with the dog to her daughter ? There is a chance the daughter is unaware, if she’s out at work all day, and might actually be thinking the dog is a bit of company for her mother. Again if the daughter really does love the dog, a bit of honest communication could fix the problem.

Finally, I don’t get why on earth people take on working dogs, unless they are planning on putting them to work, or they have plenty of time on there hands, give me a Heinz dog any day of the week, but obviously they do judging by their popularity. And by mumsnet logic most of the dogs in this country would now be languishing in rehoming centres, if 2 30 minutes walks a day was ‘derisory’.

NoSquirrels · 10/02/2018 23:08

2 x 30-minute walks a day is derisory for a working cocker spaniel. As you seem to appreciate, finders.

And the daughter isn’t going to put the ongoing effort into training any of these issues out of her dog, as she’s never there to do so, and never has been in 4 years!

Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 00:02

Hi all, I have read the responses . I need to say this again.
My DD loves coco however, she has not got enough time for him. She works 12 hours a day and coco has now become my responsibility. Sorry all but I suffer from arthritis, am still working and do not want the responsibility of him... We live in a flat.....
He is the most loved dog in the world !!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 00:04

Sorry just adding to this, I have told my daughter many many times of my concerns about coco, she will not give him up .

OP posts:
Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 00:09

Sorry my daughter is not a selfish brat, she is a hard worker. She cannot take coco into the groomers as he does not like it.
I am sitting here so frustrated and the negative comments are really not helping .
Coco is so well loved you would not believe it

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 11/02/2018 00:12

But she HAS given Coco up, to you.
Your daughter does not have the right to insist that you are HER dog's carer

BelleandBeast · 11/02/2018 00:13

Well you made the princess, you deal with her. Clearly you've never said no to her in your life.
Put the dog first, you both love him sure, but that isn't enough.

FancyABrewOrTwo · 11/02/2018 00:18

Well if she won't give him up and won't take responsibility for the dog then you have a bit of tough loving to do of your own. You tell her to come home and clean the poo up every single day. You tell her to come home and feed the dog at each feeding time. You tell her to replace anything the dog destroys. You tell her to groom the dog etc. Or you scoop the poor dog up and go to the new boyfriends when she is there and pass her the dog every single night she spends there and say you forgot your dog that you need to take care off.

Whilst you daughter is responsible for getting a dog in the first place this current problem is your own doing. No one would get away with dumping their responsibilities on me as I would not let them treat me like that.

Either buck up and sort your daughter out or accept you are too soft in your parenting and find ways yourself to look after the dog.

NotAnotherEmma · 11/02/2018 00:18

Well loved dog's aren't neglected and when an owner becomes too busy for a dog they love they find it a better home.

You're only deluding yourself that she loves the dog in a way that isn't selfish. She is being selfish by putting her feelings about the dog before what's best for it.

I had 2 cocker spaniels growing up, they are active, excited, and needy, they need more than crumbs of attention and a couple of obligatory walks a day to be happy.

Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 00:19

Ok, I HAVE COCOS interests at heart here, but I also am trying to work out what to say to Katie .
I just want to say that coco is the most spoilt dog in the world who gets the most love and affection . I just cannot cope with him.
Have tried to tell Katie , who responds with . " I will not re-home him I love him to much"
My response that I want to say is
"Well bloody stay at home then

OP posts:
DameGlitterSparkles · 11/02/2018 00:22

Your daughter is being a twat and mugging you right off OP

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 11/02/2018 00:22

Hang on, the dog is walked an hour a day? It’s not the most ideal situation but that’s orettt good. (I have a cocker spaniel of what I assume is a similar age.)

ShawshanksRedemption · 11/02/2018 00:22

My response that I want to say is
"Well bloody stay at home then

Why don't you say that OP? What is stopping you?

Finderscrispy · 11/02/2018 00:24

little if you have responsibility for the dog, then you need to take responsibility for its welfare and rehome it if you are not able to care for it properly.

You’ve both tried to do right, hiring dog walkers, taking coco into daughters work place and it hasn’t worked, now the kindest thing to do is rehome. If you loved the dog you would want what is best for it.

Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 00:31

Ok.
Katie for some god knows reason has been suffering anxiety, but has been so much better lately. 😀
I have been throwing out comments for ages about the poo bags on the balcony, him eating a cushion, him eating a shoe, etc etc .
She puts it down to him being young .... He is 4 for gods sake....
To actually say to her "Re-home him would break her heart. As far as she is concerned he is happy

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 11/02/2018 00:34

So she won't rehome him but she won't take care of him.

Something's gotta give...

FancyABrewOrTwo · 11/02/2018 00:37

Well if you won't 'break her heart' then you are going to have to suck up looking after the dog. Your call OP.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 11/02/2018 00:38

It might break her heart, but it's currently breaking your health.

Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 00:38

I know , so what the hell can I do .
A little while ago I tried to walk him.
Bless him he was running down the stairs and pulled me down the last 5
I can't walk him. He kills my hands

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 11/02/2018 00:40

I think you'll have to look into rehoming him yourself.

It sounds like he's exhausting you and your daughter IS being selfish

Finderscrispy · 11/02/2018 00:41

Is Katie self employed and working 12 hour days x 5 / 6 days a week ?
As a dog groomer, that is a lot of hours. Maybe that is where the stress / anxiety comes in.

Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 00:43

Thank you all, I have taken the good and bad comments. I have only one option.
I am goimg to speak to Katie in the morning and show her these posts so she understands that coco is a working dog and needs more than 2 half hour day walks and needs to live in a house with a garden not a flat ... Now am thinking I am not super bitch 😪

OP posts:
FancyABrewOrTwo · 11/02/2018 00:43

I know , so what the hell can I do .

If you are for real and this isn't just another 'dog not being looked after wind up thread' you could start by doing the things people have suggested.

ShawshanksRedemption · 11/02/2018 00:44

You have options OP. You can keep things the way they are, and sacrifice your own health and wellbeing. Or you can tell your daughter she must come home and deal with the dog daily. Or that the dog can no longer stay with you as you can't deal with the walking/poo pick-up/destruction.

It's your decision, we can't tell you what to do.

Original poster
Littleoldme52 · 11/02/2018 00:46

Why would I post this if it were not true ffs
What proof would u like ???

OP posts: