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Original poster

'I don't shake women's hands'

846 replies

canary1 · 08/02/2018 21:55

In a work setting today, a client was seen by four colleagues, 2 male, 2 female. The client shook hands with the two male colleagues at the end, and when I held my hand out in expectation, this is what he said. I know many muslims and never ran into this before, though this is his reason. I'm disgusted at such overt sexism dressed up as religion. I can't say that's just his beliefs any more than I can excuse any other overt discriminatory behaviour. How is this regarded as an acceptable way to behave?

OP posts:
Original poster
canary1 · 08/02/2018 22:32

Kildora's response is perfect in demonstrating why this behaviour was unacceptable.... any group or any religion that promote such discriminatory ideas need to reflect and update themselves in my opinion ...

OP posts:
Iwillstartagainonmonday · 08/02/2018 22:32

If his choice was going to discriminate against half of the room he could have chosen the option which discriminated against none (no handshaking at all)

Exactly.

zzzzz · 08/02/2018 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

virtualreality · 08/02/2018 22:33

OP you should have said you Self ID as a man and if you don't shake my hand you will be arrested under the GRA!

I am jesting, but I bet it will happen someday soon judging by the way things are going in that department...

Anyway, if the man in question refused to shake ALL hands that would be ok, but the fact that he refused a female handshake, not good. I think I would have left the room TBH even for a few minutes. Grrrr.

Haffiana · 08/02/2018 22:33

No. I get upset over some men thinking women are lesser than them in some way and hiding behind religion to justify it.

So you know what they are thinking, do you? Why don't you just tell them that you are religiously intolerant as well as a mind reader?

BabooshkaBabooshka · 08/02/2018 22:35

It is out of respect for his wife. Many Muslims do this.

How is it disrespectful to his wife to shake hands with a female stranger he was working with. The OP was hardly planning on having sex with him!

Iwillstartagainonmonday · 08/02/2018 22:35

Yes canary1. I watched a doc on Orthodox Jews a short while ago in which the girls had to be taught separately from the boys.

It is just purely outdated nonsense.

InsomniacAnonymous · 08/02/2018 22:35

It wouldn't matter to me one iota. If he was polite it would be no big deal at all.

timeismovingon · 08/02/2018 22:36

If he had any manners he would have declined to shake hands with everyone in the room. He didn't do that he waited until you put your hand out and then refused it, essentially embarrassing you in front of your colleagues - how very rude and ignorant.

I wonder what would happen if Theresa May refused to shake hands of any Muslims in the UK.

Iwillstartagainonmonday · 08/02/2018 22:37

Why don't you just tell them that you are religiously intolerant as well as a mind reader

I'm not intolerant of religions. I'm intolerant of people using their religions to justify keeping their outdated sexist views. Sorry if that confuses you.

Akire · 08/02/2018 22:37

I always thought it was a thing because a woman may have her period and so is seen as unclean.

Timefortea99 · 08/02/2018 22:39

I would feel very slighted if somebody refused to shake my hand.

tiddliewinkiewoo · 08/02/2018 22:39

I really can't believe some of the ignorance on this thread. He wasn't being offensive - he was being true to his belief - but hey, he's a muslim yeah and anything that doesn't adhere to the ideals of our 'customs' is rude.

Open your mind - I work in the medical profession - I hadn't seen a colleague for a while and went to give him a cuddle in a 'great to see you again way' and he recoiled and apologised and explained that he was sorry, but, because of 'allah', joking and throwing his hands above, he couldn't greet me like that - but he was over the moon to see me and we had a fab half hour catching up!

That colleague saves lives daily. But hey, that's forgotten as he's some bloke who offended some woman Hmm

Mxyzptlk · 08/02/2018 22:40

That's okay then, Akire. Hmm

zzzzz · 08/02/2018 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

virtualreality · 08/02/2018 22:41

Out of respect for his wife? You are having a laugh, some of those men can have multiple wives.

I agree that it was totally disrespectful to OP and very embarrassing. I doubt I would have been able to hide my utter contempt and disgust. Religion is the cause of a lot of trouble in the world today, especially towards women. But because it is only women affected by lack of handshakes, it is onwards and upwards. Disgraceful.

I am very annoyed for you OP.

Huntinginthedark · 08/02/2018 22:42

Ive had this with a rabbi before. Totally floored me.
I struggle to understand it

Haffiana · 08/02/2018 22:42

I'm not intolerant of religions. I'm intolerant of people using their religions to justify keeping their outdated sexist views. Sorry if that confuses you.

Except that the reason is that he is showing modesty, humility and chastity - respect for his wife in fact. But you would prefer your utterly racist and intolerant version that you made up in your head, don't you?

AssassinatedBeauty · 08/02/2018 22:43

He was being true to his belief, and also offensive. He could have chosen not to shake hands with everyone, instead he chose to embarrass the OP by refusing after she'd offered.

Haffiana · 08/02/2018 22:43

But because it is only women affected by lack of handshakes, it is onwards and upwards. Disgraceful.

No, women do it as well. But don't let the facts stand in the way of your intolerance. Disgraceful.

cdtaylornats · 08/02/2018 22:45

Out of respect for his wife? You are having a laugh, some of those men can have multiple wives.

And why are those two statements mutually exclusive?

Many muslims have 1 wife. Equally having more than 1 doesn't exclude respecting them all. Do you love only 1 of your children?

Huntinginthedark · 08/02/2018 22:46

@Haffiana
If you can show me in the Koran or the Old Testament where it says you can’t shake a woman’s hand then that would be great

Also to add, society changes. Lots of things are said in religious scriptures that have no place in today’s society. And the majority of understanding people can cope with that change.
Just because something was written down hundreds of years ago does not make it right

ButchyRestingFace · 08/02/2018 22:46

Better not to shake hands with anyone in this case, I think.

Which I would be perfectly happy with. I have a one-sided weakness and hate shaking hands as it usually causes some degree of discomfort/pain.

Get rid of hand shaking altogether. Smile

Iwillstartagainonmonday · 08/02/2018 22:46

But you would prefer your utterly racist and intolerant version that you made up in your head, don't you?

Haffiana sorry to disappoint you but I am not new to mumsnet, and absolutely nothing I have said in my posts are racist. If you feel they are please comment @MNHQ in the proper manner instead of trying to single one person out on here for holding an opposing view that one in many on this thread hold, otherwise take your hysterical assertions elsewhere.

ChesterBelloc · 08/02/2018 22:46

Refusing to shake a woman's hand (because of religious norms) does NOT denote a lack of respect, nor does it necessarily imply that they consider women inferior

All those screeching "Disgusting! Outrageous!" - would you respond in the same way if a man came on here complaining that a woman in Italy refused to greet him with a kiss on both cheeks, even though the men present had no problem doing it? Would that be sexist and antiquated behaviour?

Does the right to bodily autonomy only cut one way?