'I don't shake women's hands'

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In a work setting today, a client was seen by four colleagues, 2 male, 2 female. The client shook hands with the two male colleagues at the end, and when I held my hand out in expectation, this is what he said. I know many muslims and never ran into this before, though this is his reason. I'm disgusted at such overt sexism dressed up as religion. I can't say that's just his beliefs any more than I can excuse any other overt discriminatory behaviour. How is this regarded as an acceptable way to behave?

I've had this from an Orthadox Jewish client. It didn't bother me in the slightest, he was most polite about it and very happy to discuss business, but without any physical touching. I work in sales, I would hate for my actions to make a client feel uncomfortable and there is no real need to shake hands after all, other than convention.

Dreadful. And what a message it would send if your company turned down further business from him. But I bet they won’t. What did your male colleagues say?

Are people really getting upset about a handshake? It's a fucking weird thing to do - I work as a vet nurse. You probably don't want to shake my hand!!

Lady I work with doesn't, although her younger female Muslim colleagues do. She is married. Senior male managers often seem rather nonplussed when she refuses their handshake.

I respect his right to religious belief. However, it would have been polite to shake hands with nobody. To shake with the men and not the women is rude.

newyear - but this isn't a clear religious thing. There are many many Muslims (scholars and observers) who are happy to shake hands with a (non-Muslim) woman. It's somewhat like wearing a hijab or niqqab in that it's a cultural practice, not a religious edict.

Thus, in the UK where it is custom and practice to shake hands, it is not unreasonable to expect a Muslim man to shake hands with a woman.

I would respect that this is his interpretation of how to behave and forget about it. No need to take offence where none is intended.

It’s not about the handshake, it’s about being treated differently from colleagues in a professional environment.

I’d be happy for anyone not to shake my hand for any reason. I wouldn’t be happy if someone shook my colleagues’ hands and refused to shake mine. Because that is discrimination.

Well now you know what you should have done OP. You should have got your comment in there first and declared that yih dont shake men's hands 'out of respect for your husband'.

I'm sure he'd have been fine with that reasoning because you know, he's respecting his wife... whilst not treating other women as equals to his business partners/colleagues

Should have said: would be happy for anyone not to shake my hand for any reason, as long as I was treated in the same way as everyone else in the room.

MN needs an edit button.

I have an acquaintance who won’t shake hands with women. It always brings ‘I’m too sexy’ to my mind, so I can’t really find it offensive as it’s too funny.

I’ve had this, it’s never bothered me though. The men concerned have always acknowledged and been polite to me in other ways.

I think you just need to get past this. It's a culture clash thing. Doesn't mean he's a bad person. I shock and Muslim man's hand by mistake he did it. It made him uncomfortable and I had a think about it. However he could have explained it to you in a different way. I can see how it would have made you feel.

Are people really getting upset about a handshake?

No. I get upset over some men thinking women are lesser than them in some way and hiding behind religion to justify it.

Misogyny is misogyny no matter what guise it goes under.

He should have treated everyone in the room the same. If his choice was going to discriminate against half of the room he could have chosen the option which discriminated against none (no handshaking at all)

I don't feel offended by people not wanting to shame my hand for cultural reasons. The Muslim men I know who don't shake my hand often touch their hand to their chest/heart as a respectful greeting instead.

*You should have got your comment in there first and declared that yih dont shake men's hands 'out of respect for your husband'.

I'm sure he'd have been fine with that reasoning because you know, he's respecting his wife...*

Well, yeah. Of course he’d be fine with it, he agrees with it!

He doesn't have to shake hands/touch people he doesn't want to. However it would have been more appropriate to decline shaking everyone's hands so as not to overtly discriminate.

I am a business women and would just shrug my shoulders at this tbh

Olenna by that reasoning it would be ok for an employer to ask a member of staff not to wear hijab since not all Muslims do so, and I’m pretty sure that would not be ok other than for H&S reasons.

No. I get upset over some men thinking women are lesser than them in some way and hiding behind religion to justify it.

This. Because that is the background behind this. Religion justifies so much prejudice and misogyny.

It comes across as rude manners training - no matter where it comes from - but manners are about making the other person feel comfortable, so I use my manners training to rise above it.

I worked with a man who wouldn't let me see the art I was commissioning because I was a mere female. That really was tricky, but we got round it. The cheque helped.

I had the same thing happen at an interview. I realise I'm in the minority but I had no problems with it. I respect other people's views. I can completely disagree with them. But I still believe they are entitled to them.