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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dd "fat shaming" me.

422 replies

Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 13:13

So I know I'm not small. I'm a size 16 (was a 12 before having my youngest) however dd has started "fat shaming" me. She's 6 and will say stuff like "why are you big and fat" infact she decided to say that in a shop yesterday infront of everyone. Also "whys your belly so fat" aibu in thinking this is normal stuff for a 6 yo to say? Or is it? Needless to say it's promoted the diet!

OP posts:
Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 14:14

This reply has been deleted

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Bluntness100 · 08/02/2018 14:15

Did you think the people in the shop were unaware that you are overweight before your DD mentioned it?

This. And the comment on something factual from your own daughter being hurtful. It's like saying you've got brown hair. It is what it is.

As said, I very much do not think a six year old is saying this to be deliberately rude and horrid to her mother. It's simply the op has never sat her down and talked to her gently and taught her about this. There are some great posts on here from folks who explained it to their own kids, particularly the one about focusing on what your body could do.

BatshitTrain · 08/02/2018 14:16

My DC know to be kind, but they also know being fat/overweight is not healthy.
They wouldn't actually ask someone why they were fat, but might ask me or DH quietly later.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 14:16

Erm thy probably did know I was overweight yes but I doubt they were thinking omg look how fat she is! Jesus I don't tend to think that about randoms in the street so I didn't want we highlighting it is all. Do others tend to walk around thinking "that woman's fat?" Well lots of people have said it's normal and not to tell her off so the advice is conflicting.

OP posts:
SnapesTears · 08/02/2018 14:16

I’m nowhere near overweight but have a saggy mummy tummy. My DS (6) decided to knead it like dough and ask very loudly why it was fat, when we were waiting in the school playground to pick up his sister from her club. He didn’t know it was rude. I just told him that my tummy was fat because I’d grown four babies in it and ate too many biscuits. I tell him (and all my kids) often that we don’t say mean things about people but hey, sometimes they say hurtful things without intending to. Ages ago before l I had kids, my little niece (5) asked why I had lots of spots on my face. It was uncomfortable being asked that but she didn’t know it was ‘rude’ to say it, she was just curious.

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 14:17

Well lots of people have said it's normal and not to tell her off

Yeah, they're wrong.

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 14:18

Or at least have a bloody conversation about bodies. Don't you speak to your child? You seem to view her as something entirely outside of your control.

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2018 14:18

You've not just been told not to tell her Off though, you've been advised to talk gently to her and explain,

Yes there are some people on here throwing insults at you and your child. Just ignore them.

DontPullThatTubeOut · 08/02/2018 14:19

You like twisting things, don't you Op? I reckon you haven't got many answers like you wanted so now you want an argument. Parent your child instead of expecting her to just know and then bitching about it on a forum.

Helmetbymidnight · 08/02/2018 14:20

Once is ok- they all try it- Wink

Don't let her do it again. I would have strong words.

meredintofpandiculation · 08/02/2018 14:20

It's always fat though isn't it? Couldn't imagine a child saying "why are you skinny." I could imagine. It's normal at that age to comment on anything different, they need to be taught that it's rude. (especially when people are quite happy to comment on the personal appearance of small children)

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/02/2018 14:22

This can be resolved OP by talking to her tonight and telling her that what she said has upset you and as I said earlier that saying things out loud about people's appearances can make them feel sad.

SockUnicorn · 08/02/2018 14:23

When my DD was around that age she brought home a school reading book. It was about a big fat elephant. The big fat elephant had very large fat legs and a fat round belly. Because fat is a describing word. However not an acceptable one to me. So I wrote a polite note in her reading journal and the teacher pulled me the next day and said they agreed and had removed the book from the library.

My second DD then went into that class and that particular book never came home (also checked with mum friends and they never got it either). However this DD went through a stage of asking why someone was fat or that someone has a large bottom. I immediately said we dont use that word. EVER. and we dont comment on other people as it would hurt them. However would DD feel if someone said she was too short or she was too skinny or her hair wasnt the right colour or whatever. She understood and didnt do it again.

So your DC could have picked it up from anywhere (I have found girls in particular are quite bitchy at school age and repeat what some mothers say). However quick crackdown on it and she shouldnt comment on size again.

petbear · 08/02/2018 14:23

@batshittrain

size 16 is obese.

What a stupid incorrect generalisation. Of course a size 16 isn't obese!

petbear · 08/02/2018 14:24

As I said, (and a few others) the OP's daughter has got this from somewhere; asking 'why are you fat?' is just weird.

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2018 14:26

What a stupid incorrect generalisation. Of course a size 16 isn't obese!

I think at five foot two it is likely it is clinically obese, but the op will need to do her Bmi. It's much less likely to be obese if you are five foot ten.

BatshitTrain · 08/02/2018 14:26

@petbear

Ummm, I think you have quoted the wrong poster. I didn't say that.

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 14:27

I can't honestly see what's wrong with the word "fat". It's a completely valid adjective.

BatshitTrain · 08/02/2018 14:29

@petbear

I actually said 5'2'' and size 16 is quite large

and it is. Nowhere did I say obese.

CalcatrippticLego · 08/02/2018 14:31

ItsAllABitStrangeReally I really doubt that a 6 year old deliberately did something in public to humiliate her mother.

My DD also started asking each time she took a mouthful whether her food had sugar in it. They'd been told in school in the lessons about "healthy eating" that you shouldn't eat any sugar because it's bad for your teeth and will make you fat.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 14:33

I don't know my weight as I don't own scales. I did speak to her, i said it was because I've had lots of babies when she first asked. As I said at first I thought it was just general wondering. (I did say I don't expect her not to notice)

OP posts:
CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 14:34

I can't honestly see what's wrong with the word "fat". It's a completely valid adjective.

It's word that carries an emotional punch and is generally always used a pejorative. We all know that.

petbear · 08/02/2018 14:34

SORRY BATSHIT

It was actually....

@Whatshallidonowpeople who said a size 16 is obese. Which is a daft sweeping generalisation. I have been a size 16, and was not obese (I am 5 ft 4, so not much taller than the OP.)

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2018 14:36

Op, I'm not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse, there is a whole difference between saying it's because you had lots of babies and explaining kindly about appearance.

And I'm sorry, but you lied to her. Having lots of babies is not what made you currently overweight. It is poor eating and over eating. She will now be under the impression if you have babies you will be fat after. This is not true.

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 14:37

Oh well. I don't have any issue with my DC saying fat if they're not being mean