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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd "fat shaming" me.

422 replies

Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 13:13

So I know I'm not small. I'm a size 16 (was a 12 before having my youngest) however dd has started "fat shaming" me. She's 6 and will say stuff like "why are you big and fat" infact she decided to say that in a shop yesterday infront of everyone. Also "whys your belly so fat" aibu in thinking this is normal stuff for a 6 yo to say? Or is it? Needless to say it's promoted the diet!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 13:45

I've already said I'm over weight I was clearly responding to the morbidly obese comment!

OP posts:
readysteadyteddy · 08/02/2018 13:46

ItsAllABitStrangeReally And you sound like a very, unpleasant big girl. :)

RoseWhiteTips · 08/02/2018 13:46

Re. Size 16 - I think that this is the average size is an urban myth. In addition, it depends on your height.

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 13:46

In some cultures it would be a compliment to comment on someone's overweightness

Presumably the OP's daughter is from the same culture as her though. Wtf?

missyB1 · 08/02/2018 13:47

Did you addresses it with her when you got home?

upsideup · 08/02/2018 13:47

ItsAllABitStrangeReally

A very unpleasent little girl? To me she sounds like an inquisitive little girl who unfortuantly hasnt yet been taught by her parents what is appropriate to ask and what isnt.
You arent born knowing why people are fat and that you cant ask them that, someone has to tell you.

readysteadyteddy · 08/02/2018 13:47

Elocutioner 6 year old doesn't have a clue about that though, as I said, she wasn't born with the knowledge and no one has shown her yet. So how she can be all the names the adults on here are calling her, I have no idea.

Spartaca · 08/02/2018 13:48

Little madam is a very typical term for a girl of that age, I distinctly remember being called it when I was being precocious

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 13:49

This is just such an easy one to deal with.

You have a talk about manners (which should be a reminder at this age) and then you make it quite clear what is not acceptable and how you expect to be spoken to.

Why would you think it is normal to be rude to your parents? I'm agog at what some people put up with from their kids. I teach primary and I wouldn't speak to my dog the way some kids speak to their parents - and the parents say nothing? I'd be ashamed of my child.

SweetMoon · 08/02/2018 13:49

Did she say it in a mean way though or just a questioning way? At 6 I wouldn't have thought she was trying to be mean. Kids have no filter sometimes and pick things up and then blurt them out at the most inappropriate time. My 5 year old once said to me just after we dropped my friend off at her house after a day out, 'she is big isn't she mummy'. The car window was wide open and friend would have heard that. I was mortified. However she didnt mean it in a mean way it was said almost as though she had just noticed friend was quite large. She was quite a large lady. Just explain to her it might make you feel sad to be called fat and i'm sure she won't bring it up again.

chaplin1409 · 08/02/2018 13:49

I have 4 children and am also size 16 with a fat belly and not once have my children even been so rude to me. What if she said that to somebody else in a shop?

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 08/02/2018 13:50

ReadySteadyTeddy.

I agree entirely SmileFlowers

6 is more than old enough to know shouting stuff like that out in public isn't ok. If the op wants to ignore it and put it down to age then that's up to her.........I Don't really care as it won t be my child carrying the label of class bully in a few years Hmm

upsideup · 08/02/2018 13:51

@chaplin1409

Yes, but presumably you have taught them not to be rude? Or were they all just born with all the knowledge in the world and impeccable manners?

Thistlebelle · 08/02/2018 13:52

What is all this "should know better"? Was she born with the knowledge?!

Ready she should know better because her parents should have taught her. She may not have commented on anyone’s appearance before now but I find it hard to believe that the subject hasn’t come up in any context before now via someone else’s behaviour, nursery, school, a book or a television programme etc that its a good idea to be sensitive to other people's feelings.

If it has not in fact come up then the OP has an excellent teaching opportunity. Because if she behaves this way towards another adult they will indeed think that she’s a “cheeky madam” and that’s unfair to the child if she really doesn’t know any better.

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 13:53

My 5 year old would ask a question such as "why does your belly wobble and mine doesn't" without thinking a thing about it. We'd probably have a compare and a joke.

However if she was actually be rude it would be done with a whole different meaning and clearly I would have words.

My 6 year old would pick it up from the playground and she would do it to wind someone up or be mean. She'd be dealt with the same way as any other behavioural trangression.

petbear · 08/02/2018 13:53

I wonder who she has heard saying that. Like @chaplin1409 I have been bigger than you OP (up to size 20 and 15 stone,) and smaller too - (size 12 and 10 stone,) and I have never ever had any of my kids, or nieces and nephews, or the friends of my kids, or my friends children or ANY child, say 'Why R U FAT?!' Confused

Someone has put this in her head. Size 16 is not massive. I could almost believe it was simply her musings if you were 30 stone. But not a size 16. No. She has heard someone say it. Do you have a partner/husband? If so, she may have heard him say it maybe.......

She is not an unpleasant/horrid little girl, just thoughtless, and she needs to be educated, to understand that it's very rude to comment on people appearance and body size or shape.

In some cultures it would be a compliment to comment on someone's overweightness

In what culture is it a compliment to say 'you're a fat cunt?' Confused

Whatshallidonowpeople · 08/02/2018 13:53

Fat shaming, what nonsense! No one can make you ashamed except you.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 13:54

She has said it twice. The first time I told her because I've had lots of babies. I wasn't expecting for it to be said again and took it as just a genuine question. But yesterday came across as rude. I didn't think to tell her not to comment on peoples appearances before she has actually done it since like isaid she's never commented on anyone else's, my other two sons have also never commented on mine or anyone's so I doubt it's my "parenting."

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 08/02/2018 13:55

Well she should be taught that that's not nice but she's not 'fat shaming' you. She's six, she's just saying what she sees.

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 13:55

so how did you address it with her? Or didn't you say anything?

ShellyBoobs · 08/02/2018 13:56

I wouldn't say I was morbidly obese? Isn't 16 the average uk size for women?

“Morbidly obese” is a calculated BMI figure, rather than something that you ‘perceive’ for yourself. You can find out what yours is quite easily, OP. I doubt you’re in that category at size 16 but it’s impossible to know from a dress size.

Regarding the average size, it could be that the average is obese or morbidly obese (I'm sure it’s not, though) so that doesn’t help.

Beamur · 08/02/2018 13:58

My DD also remarked on me being a bit chubby when she was this age too, I don't think she meant to be rude and hadn't learnt the niceties of why it's impolite. They were also doing topics at school around healthy eating etc which had perhaps triggered it for my DD.
I don't think it's a big deal but it is a good opportunity to talk about these things and maybe if you are overweight then do something about it. (That's not directed at you personally OP) I had to agree with my DD that I was too heavy and whilst I'm a bit lighter now, I could still do with losing more weight, so we eat healthily most of the time and try and do something active together a couple of times a week.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 13:59

No I was mortified so like I said just told her to shush. That's why I posted on here to see if it's normal.

OP posts:
MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 08/02/2018 14:00

I don't think she is fat shaming you or being rude. Little girls (or boys) of 6 should love their mummies whatever their size.

Someone has planted this idea in her head. I suspect a child of a stick thin mum has made a comment to their off spring and they have passed it along.

When I used to help out in reception I had a similar thing told to me by a child. (who's mum was a gym fit type) She said ''Your belly is really big and you aren't having a baby. You must eat rubbish food'' ''No, I just eat too much healthy food''.

I've also had parent say, in front of their children, that my pink hair is wacky and wierd.

Just what are we teaching our children these days?

Coulddowithanap · 08/02/2018 14:00

I think its quite normal.. maybe not shouting it a shop.

My son once sad 'why if your belly so wobbly' luckily we were at home so no embarrassment. He would have been 5 at the time.