Dd "fat shaming" me.

[Dancingfairy]

So I know I'm not small. I'm a size 16 (was a 12 before having my youngest) however dd has started "fat shaming" me. She's 6 and will say stuff like "why are you big and fat" infact she decided to say that in a shop yesterday infront of everyone. Also "whys your belly so fat" aibu in thinking this is normal stuff for a 6 yo to say? Or is it? Needless to say it's promoted the diet!

Wow blackchina you really are a nasty piece of work aren't you!
Get help. The nastiness & bitterness is not normal.

I won't be engaging with you any further.

Batshit is as strange as that poster who absolutely refused to believe that posters on MN must be lying when they say they are Drs or lawyers because they couldn't comprehend that women on here had jobs other than 'low level admin at best'.

And lying about not being overweight apparently because 'most people are'.

Sorry I meant blackchina who was attacking batshit. Insomnia exhaustion!

Blackchina it’s not “faux outrage”.

It’s not “outrage” at all. It’s disappointment and it’s real enough.

@blackchina I think you should really swap names with Batshit. Maybe change it to Batshit&Bitter? In this unhinged view that no posters or people can have a low bmi, especially on MN? Maybe you live in an area where there are hardly any slim people but even if you do, where does the anger and disbelief come from? I think you're the one with issues.

Tempted to post my stats for no other reason than to see your batshit reaction but I"ll probably be told I don't exist or sth 🤣.

Really can't bold to save my life...

It doesn't sound like she's fat shaming at all. Just a child observing that you might be bigger than other women.

I've had children I work with ask 'why are you spotty' because I'm pale and get covered in freckles. They aren't freckle shaming me. They noticed that I'm different in some way so asked.

Just for the sake of clarity, I did not say Batshit was humblebragging, I said blackberryfairy was when she said she was 5ft 8in, size 8-10 and could stand to lose a few pounds.

What you say might be true for someone of 5ft 2in. But 5 ft 8 is really quite tall.

What size do you need to be to be universally accepted as slim? 4?

but most people are slightly overweight, or fat, or bigger

Where do you live? Boston and Barnsley top the U.K. fat league.

You need to get out more.

@Dancingfairy - I don't think you did anything wrong in your response to your little girl - you were put on the spot, and had to think on your feet.

However, I do think that you need to tell her that it is not kind to remark on people's appearance - otherwise, if she thinks it is OK, the next person whose appearance she comments on may be very offended and upset. I am overweight - much more so than you - and whilst I am doing something about it, it is a long, long road, and if a child commented in public about how fat I am, I would be very upset indeed. I wouldn't necessarily show it there and then, and I wouldn't say anything to the child or their parent, but I would go home with those words nagging over and over in my brain, telling me what a failure I am and how gross I look.

You don't have to explain your weight gain to your child if you don't want to - that is up to you, in my opinion, but you need to tell her that what she said was unkind, and that she could have upset you - and then tell her that it is not polite to comment on other people's appearance, and it could be upsetting for them.

At 6, she is old enough to start to learn this lesson - but she does need to learn it.

Blackberyfairy I apologise. If you feel you look best at close the minimum healthy weight for your height that's up to you but I'm sure you look amazing as you are.

I think that as a society we are really rather fucked up about weight.

At the one extreme there is an obesity crisis at the other people who feel they can never be thin enough.

blackberry - as it sounds like you might be aware (sorry if I'm reading too much into your 'been there' comment) nutritionists and eating disorder specialists use a BMI of 20 as the minimum healthy weight for a mature adult (above age 25 or so I think). A BMI below 20 is danger zone as it's so easy to slip, even though some sources will cite 18.5 as the minimum healthy BMI. Most people with a BMI that low naturally are late teens/early 20s. Not meaning to lecture (I'm in no position to judge, mine is 16.8 ) but just mentioning in case you might be starting to struggle more than you think.

And, Batshit - thanks I'll be ok. Been chronic but fully functioning for many years now.

BMI recommendations from ED specialists are based on the fact that recovered patients need a buffer zone, in case they slip back into old habits through stress or life events and lose weight, to stop them going underweight too easily.

This is exactly what was recommended to one of my bfs when she was recovering from anorexia. Thus her weight post anorexia was recommended to be higher than it ever had been before she developed the illness.

For people without eating issues a healthy BMI is a healthy BMI - bearing in mind the fact it’s a blunt tool that can’t take frame and muscle mass into account.

My BMI is 18.8 and my weight within the healthy range. At 47 that is perfectly fine. Healthy range is 18.5 to 24.9.