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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd "fat shaming" me.

422 replies

Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 13:13

So I know I'm not small. I'm a size 16 (was a 12 before having my youngest) however dd has started "fat shaming" me. She's 6 and will say stuff like "why are you big and fat" infact she decided to say that in a shop yesterday infront of everyone. Also "whys your belly so fat" aibu in thinking this is normal stuff for a 6 yo to say? Or is it? Needless to say it's promoted the diet!

OP posts:
CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 21:42
Bluntness100 · 08/02/2018 21:45

Jesus what happened here then, it's like a train wreck.

Slim people aren't really rare. They do widely exist. They post on mumsnet, it's not that big of s deal really. It's not like they are saying they are aliens with three breasts.

Can't believe people are being attacked for being slim or saying they are. 😱

BetseyTrotwood · 08/02/2018 21:46

👏🏻 @ Bluntness.

geekymommy · 08/02/2018 21:48

This is a teachable moment. You can teach her that it is not polite to comment on other people's weight or appearance. You can teach her about not saying certain things in public.

CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 21:50

Can't believe people are being attacked for being slim or saying they are

Can't believe people are using a thread about an OP's situation with her child to post irrelevant details as to their own weight and height.

Can't believe people are using the situation the OP described to harangue her about her weight under the guise of faux concern.

Shock
MrMeSeeks · 08/02/2018 21:53

Thistlebelle agreed.
The op has recently had a baby yet the comments on here towards her are ridiculous.

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2018 21:54

Candy, you need to calm down, plenty of people posted their size, at both ends of the spectrum. I'm not going to respond to you after this, I will let others do so if they chose, but you're derailing this woman's thread.

CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 21:56

Oh go on Bluntness, give the OP some more of your wide eyed faux concern. You do it so well.

BetseyTrotwood · 08/02/2018 21:56

I think that people were mentioning their weight - both big and small - in relation to the OP's post and the fact that her daughter notices her size and used the F-word.

So some posters responding saying no you're not fat at all at a size 16 naturally had people questioning that. Then people gave their own examples. So yes it was related to the topic.

It wasn't to upset the OP and I hope she isn't.

Ruffian · 08/02/2018 21:58

Can't believe people are being attacked for being slim or saying they are
No belief required since neither of things have happened. People have been 'attacked' for posting irrelevant stuff about their own weight/size to highlight the OP's weight problem which she has acknowledged numerous times.

Same posters have also exaggerated the extent of the weight problem by suggesting that a size 16 is massive which it isn't.

Thistlebelle · 08/02/2018 22:00

Seeks I’m just impressed she isn’t crying in a corner.

ArcheryAnnie · 08/02/2018 22:03

I think society pushing us into never mentioning it to the person, so they don't get upset, isn't helpful. We know they are fat. They know they are fat. Avoiding rhe subject totally isn't helpful.

I can promise you all that when you are fat, you are never allowed to forget you are fat. There is no avoiding of the subject. What would be nice is avoiding of being rude about the subject.

itshappening · 08/02/2018 22:20

Can't tell if your DD was genuine, rude or just a bit attention seeking.

Fat is not something to be ashamed of, and ideally would not be seen as a negative or insulting term. However since it still is, I would present this to your DD not as an issue with fat, but with being careful when saying things about someone's body or how they look....since though it is ok that everyone is different you never what they may be sensitive about.

Size 16, dress sizes generally, are not a reliable guide to bmi. Size 16 wearers I know vary from not being overweight at all, just body shape leading them to a 16, to being obese. Not morbidly....I doubt that would work with a 16!

Also, it is important to eat healthily and exercise but please do not do as suggested above and tell your DD that is all connected with a flat tummy. Many thin people eat very badly, do little exercise, and often have a great deal of fat around their organs. Many people with larger tummies are far healthier. In fact, in general being at least a bit overweight apparently has a protective effect....it is associated with longer life expectancy and better health outcomes generally. Counterintuitive to me, but apparently it has been questioned and challenged many times by disbelieving scientists and the data remains strong so far.

Jaygee61 · 08/02/2018 22:21

*As has been said, a size 16, like the OP is, is not even that big. It's the most common dress size in women.

Size 16 at 5 foot 2 is really, really big.

I'm 5 foot 8 and a size 8-10 and i could stand to lose a few pounds.*

If you actually think you need to lose weight at your height and dress size I am very concerned for you. Bu I think you are humblebragging.

Italiangreyhound · 08/02/2018 22:48

RebelRogue

"Fat is fat. A piece of mud in a sparkly wrapper doesn't become chocolate. It's still mud."

Or maybe it is not mud at all, but earth, a fertile soil that grows crops and feeds the world.

And chocolate...is not mud... thanks for reminding us but I don't think we are confused!

AmICuteOrWhat · 08/02/2018 22:51

KungFu why would a child be unhappy about their mum being a bit chubby? I doubt 6 year olds worry that much abput what others thinks. An older child, yes. But 6? no.

meandmytinfoilhat · 08/02/2018 22:57

I don't think she was fat shaming you. Kids say it like they see it. Use this as an opportunity to teach her about her words and how they can hurt sometimes even if they don't mean to.

AmICuteOrWhat · 08/02/2018 23:01

She sounds like a very unpleasant little girl. No.She just sounds like a normal little girl with no filter. Too young to have meant it in a nasty way. But not too young to be gently taught that sometimes saying someone is fat might hurt their feelings. Parents should not be afraid to teach their kids manners or kindness. I am not saying my generation were parented perfectly but for most of us 80s/90s kids, if we said soemthing that could be considered rude, we were told not to talk like that. It did us no harm. I really struggle to understand why kids these days are treated like they are so fragile.

CanIhavedessertfirst · 08/02/2018 23:03

My son tells me all the time that dh has boobies, and dh laughs at it! It's not fat shaming, but you could take the opportunity to teach her that fat on the body is not necessarily a bad thing and that people come in all shapes, sizes and colours.

AmICuteOrWhat · 08/02/2018 23:09

Yes, ArcheryAnnie has nailed it. We fat people are NOT treated gently or sugar coated. We also do not see a plus size model or actress and think "wow- I want to be like them",or "well, there are plus size clothes and bigger seats being made, so who cares if we eat a box of 10 doughnuts each day?" That is not how we get fat

. What happens is we start to get a teeny bit chubby. We diet and starve or purge etc. But we cannot keep weight off. we hate ourselves. we eat. and eat and eat. Sometimes as though we dissociated from ourselves. We find wallets empty and empty food wrappers surrounding us and a receipt for £30 worth of food we have just binged on. We hate ourselves. But food fills the emptiness and takes us out of ourselves. We diet and tell ourselves we won't do it again. But we do. Someone calls us fat as we get bigger and bigger. So we eat and the whole friggin' cycle starts again.

Society does NOT normalise or accept fat. Fat people are actually scapegoated.

UgandanKnuckles · 08/02/2018 23:17

If anyone genuinely thinks that overweight people are not constantly are of and reminded of this fact, they have clearly never been overweight.

manicinsomniac · 08/02/2018 23:19

The OP's daughter may not have been fat shaming but plenty on this thread are. The OP asked for advice about her daughter's questions and attitude. She said she was overweight in her first post. Exactly how fat she is or how hard she should be trying to change this right now was not the point of the thread at all. There was no need for anybody to question her weight, BMI or diet and certainly no need to post their own slim size. It's really judgy and horrible.

But, if we really want to analyse other people's weight when they haven't asked for analysis:

BatshitTrain - Your BMI is 18. You're underweight. If you did put on a stone and a half you most certainly would not look overweight and have a fat bum. You'd have a BMI of 21.3 and be at the low middle end of a healthy weight. You current BMI is only one and a bit points higher than mine and I have anorexia!

BatshitTrain · 09/02/2018 00:07

Maybe. I've always been the same. I'm the same size now as I was at 18 (20 Years ago). Not putting on weight seems to run in the family.
I know I'm healthy, now anyway, the last year or two I've had that many tests for every level of everything, docs keep a close eye post chemo, that I'm sure if I was lacking in anything I would be told pretty sharpish.
I don't mind you analysing my weight at all. Like I said I can grab a good handful of arse and I'm not skinny, just look pretty normal tbh.

I hope you recover from your anorexia Flowers A good friend of mine is anorexic and she's been to hell and back over the years.

blackchina · 09/02/2018 00:22

PMSL!

blackchina · 09/02/2018 00:22

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